The Persistence of Racial Hatred

The last year or so has been rough. Paying attention to the world and caring about fellow humans is truly exhausting. For many people, ignoring racism and discrimination in the world is easy because it doesn't directly affect them in negative ways. If I really wanted to, I could choose to shut it out, ignore it, because I benefit from white privilege. I can choose to not get involved, to not talk about the effects of centuries of institutional racism. I can even choose to believe a problem doesn't exist. I can choose to believe that all the horrible events occurring all over the country are isolated incidents.

It's comforting to think that the horrors of the world have been dealt with and left in the past, but the hate has never left. Hate and racism are embedded deep within the fabric of our country, and although we have progressed greatly, the hate and racism have not vanquished. People are better at hiding or disguising it now. And the best way to disguise it is to convince others it does not exist.

And like that...it's gone.

Over the past 2 weeks, many people have been looking for any other reason than racism for the murder of 9 black churchgoers in Charleston, South Carolina, by a white man known for his love of the Confederacy and segregation. Instead of focusing on the racial hatred he harbored and why he did so, instead of looking at his family and friends who must have stoked these fires, instead of investigating any organizations he belonged to or looked up to, instead of questioning roommates and friends about why they thought it was acceptable for someone to make plans for a civil war, we jump to the typical, tired talking points:

There's too many/not enough guns in this country.
Yes, guns are a big issue. I'm clearly on the side of having less weapons, but many people I respect disagree. The real issue is that people who don't value all human lives are always the loudest, making it impossible to have a reasonable discussion by blaming the victims for not having guns. Dylann Roof got a gun as a gift from his father. In most states you don't need any background check for private sales or gifts. That's a problem.

It's mental illness. 
Also a big problem, but not in this case. Racism is not a mental illness. It is a learned behavior. It is ignorance and hate. Most people with mental illnesses don't act out violently. Granted, most racists don't act out violently on their racism either. Nowadays, many racist acts are very subtle; casual racism is the dominant form. Something as simple as sharing a meme or liking a post on Facebook can be an act of racism. As President Obama himself said, it doesn't take saying "nigger" to be racist, despite what Georgia high school principals would have you believe. When racism is blatant and acted upon, it may look like crazy behavior to non-racists or even latent-racists, but it is not a mental illness.

It's a hateful, learned behavior with deep, horrific roots.

It's the drugs we use to treat mental illness. 
Ok, this theory is only coming from Rick Perry, and I normally wouldn't entertain anything he says, but the man was elected governor of a very populous state several times, and he has decent support for his Presidential campaign, so his ideas are not isolated to his puny armadillo brain.

Guns and mental illness, more specifically our ridiculous access to guns and our piss-poor treatment of mental illness in this country, are definitely problems that need solutions. But the issue here is race. We have never honestly dealt with race in this country. I don't know if we ever will, but this one time it would be great it we tried. I'm going to anyway.

Another white male to the rescue!

I believe in the power of symbols. When people (or entire states) glorify a symbol that is historically associated with hate, I associate those people with hate.

The license plate, not the Hyundai symbol. Then again...damn it, I need a new car now. 

I believe in the power of words. When somebody says hateful things, I believe that person to be hateful.

The roommate is also quoted as saying that Dylann didn't often make racist statements, but he told a lot of racist jokes. Pro-tip: If a person constantly makes racist jokes, they are probably racist. Oh, also, if they say they want to kill black people and start a civil war, THEY ARE PROBABLY RACIST!

The immediate descriptions of Dylann included "quiet" and "shy," the mandatory words used for white mass murderers. That and "mentally ill" of course. It took Twitter and independent media outlets to finally get the discussion focused more on his blatant racism. The fact that photos like this surfaced definitely helped:

Because he surrounded himself with the Confederate flag, and because of the power and importance of symbols, the discussion then focused on why the Confederate flag still flies in so many states. That's an important discussion to have, and thankfully, it seems as if the flag flying at the South Carolina Capitol building might finally come down soon. Not soon enough.

This is the casket of Rev. Pinckney, murdered by Roof. This is shameful.

The conversation about the traitorous, hateful flag is necessary, but it also allowed mainstream media to avoid talking about the more complex realities of systemic racism.

Then again, it led to this image...

Systemic racism is ingrained into the foundations of our society and we see its effects played out in the real estate market, the justice system, education, and basically every major institution in America. That is what people are referring to when they say "whiteness" or "white privilege." It doesn't mean that white people don't have our own struggles and nothing shitty happens to us, it just means we get the benefit of the doubt in many situations that affect our chances to succeed. We are more likely to get a job with a "white" name. We are more likely to get a fine or community service rather than prison time. And on and on.

It's possible (and common) to not even be aware of the benefits of whiteness and systemic racism and still receive those benefits. Individual racism is a little easier to spot. Systemic racism fuels individual racism; people absorb racist views from the society in which they live. Family, friends, teachers, classmates, neighbors, the media, music, sports. All of it informs our views. What was Roof learning at home? We know that his father gave him a gun as a present. Did his parents know about his affection for the Confederate flag? What was he learning from his friends? We know many people heard him talk openly about his ideas of segregation and killing blacks and didn't think much of it. What was the community teaching him? Well, we know that South Carolina has a bit of a...sordid relationship with race.

In addition to the horrifying fact that some of their recent politicians have ties with the Klan (or its PC reincarnation, the Council of Conservative Citizens) there is also the fact that South Carolina has 16 certified white supremacist groups. We know this because they all came out to denounce the actions of Roof. According to them, they had absolutely no connection to, or responsibility for, the crazed gunman; however, they want everybody to know he had some really cool ideas and legit grievances.

That's the community in which Dylann Roof was raised. He comes from a place where a racist judge remains on the bench and starts a hearing with a plea for the well-being of the killer's family.

He comes from a community where a black church that was once burned down after a slave tried to revolt stands on a street named after staunch defender of slavery.

 

He comes from a country where at least 5 black churches have burned down since the shooting.

Roof comes from a community where a white police officer shot a man in the back 8 times and would have gotten away with it if not for a random cell phone video uploaded to the internet. That same police officer is currently in the cell next to Roof.

That's right. The cop who shot Walter Scott in the back is in the cell next to the Charleston terrorist.

This is South Carolina. This is America.

The history is ugly, and painful, and it's all coming to the surface because we have never properly dealt with it. (I should add here that plenty of people have talked about it, more brilliantly than I could hope to, but as a society we refuse to adequately address these issues.) Instead, we attempt to ignore the problem, while naming streets and erecting statues to honor Confederate soldiers, claiming its to honor the heritage of the South. Unfortunately, that particular heritage is racist and hateful. There are many things the South should be proud of, the Confederacy is not one of those things. The statue of John C Calhoun, pro-slavery politician and all around horrible person, stands in the heart of the city. It was erected during the Jim Crow era, so blacks in the city could do nothing to prevent it. Meanwhile, proposed memorials to slaves have always been met with massive resistance. Odd that they are so willing to honor one side of their heritage and not the other.

Similarly, the Confederate flag, which was largely retired to museums after the Civil War (because they lost and most of the actual soldiers accepted it) regained popularity in the late 1940s and early 1950s as a symbol of opposition to the rising Civil Rights Movement. It was a sign of open defiance to the idea that all people are equal. So no matter how you personally want to define the flag, it represents hate.

The group that helped revive the flag, the States' Rights Democratic party, was led by Strom Thurmond, who ran for President in 1948. "States' rights" is often code for wanting to legally treat minority groups like shit. Politicians are already reverting to the states' rights argument to defend the use of the flag; watch how many use the same argument to deny gay people their rights now that the Supreme Court declared gay marriage legal.

Ironically, South Carolina State Senator and Strom Thurmond's own son wants to take the flag down. When Strom Thurmond's kin can no longer defend the flag, it's time to remove it.

Yet that is only one small step to the larger goal of equality for all. When prominent white voices proclaim angrily that racism doesn't even exist anymore, it is clear just how difficult that goal will be to reach.

It's a popular theory that the younger generations will be automatically less hateful. Dylann Roof put an end to that myth. There is still a need to actively educate the youth about past and existing inequalities in order to battle the misconceptions and misinformation passed down from older generations and currently being spewed on major media outlets. Roof became radicalized and obsessed with the idea that black people are ruining America and need to be taken out after the Trayvon Martin case. The death of a black 18 year old at the hands of a white/hispanic man and the complete acquittal of said white/hispanic man convinced a young white man that blacks are dangerous and need to be "put down."

That is the psychosis of white supremacy. The very idea that a young black man's life mattered enough to be in the news and in social media for an extended period of time, and the fact that he was occasionally portrayed sympathetically, was enough to threaten his sense of superiority. This is the same mentality that led to the increase in the number of domestic terrorist groups and white supremacist groups (often the same thing) immediately after Obama's election. Any progression towards equality is perceived as a threat from those who benefit from the status quo. It's a mentality that believes brown skin foreigners are a bigger threat to the US than white US citizens when the exact opposite is true. It's a mentality that accuses Obama and liberals of taking away guns while ownership and sales have steadily risen since Obama took office.

There is a theory that a black kid started dating a girl Dylann Roof liked and that set him down the path of hatred. His feelings of rejection mixed with inferiority made him search out a villain. In America, there's no more typical villain than black men. Trayvon had recently become a powerful symbol of an unjust justice system, but Roof knew he was really just a thug who got what he deserved. The black guy who took his girl was probably just like Trayvon. Once he gave credence to those feelings, there were plenty of people willing to encourage him.

Everybody needs to come to terms with their own identity. Some people accept their heritage, some people reject it. As white people in America, even if we never personally oppressed anyone and our ancestors never owned slaves, we have benefited from white privilege. We need to understand and accept that. It's nothing to feel guilty about, it's just a matter of life in America. Benefiting from white privilege doesn't make you racist, but denying it does. Unfortunately, some white people are defensive about the idea that they benefit from anything, which leads to this idea that they are the ones being persecuted whenever the idea is brought up. Giving up the status quo is a scary thought. A large part of their identity is built upon the fact that whiteness is inherently superior. Poor whites are often the ones most resistant to this idea of white privilege because they don't see the direct benefits. However, those same poor white people are the ones fighting against minority groups (blacks, gays, immigrants) receiving equal rights. That's white fragility. This white fragility manifests in many ways. It can be claims of reverse racism or as simple as tuning out of the conversation of race entirely because it is uncomfortable. It can also manifest in dangerous ways if given the right (wrong) motivation and in the right environment, as seen with Roof.

All white individuals are not a problem, whiteness is a problem. The whiteness inherent in denying the existence of a problem. The whiteness inherent in being safely detained and given a proper trial for murdering 9 black people versus being choked to death on the street for selling cigarettes.

Dylann Roof wanted to start a race war because he was afraid of blacks taking over the country. This idea, this fear that blacks are going to rise up and kill whitey is nothing new. This was the exact plot of Birth of a Nation in 1915, and this mentality is still pervasive in many parts of the country (and in many media outlets) in 2015.  The number of groups coming to the defense of Dylann's views, making sure that his "important" ideas are not lost in the tragedy, is frightening. They continue to warn about a race war, but the only people who want a race war are racist whites who can't come to grips with a changing reality.

There will never be a race war because, as Rachel Dolezal proved (despite how awful she is as a person) race is a social construct and fluid. Which side will multiracial people be on? Which side will Eminem be on? Which side will Asians and Latinos be on?

Race is a social construct that has real effects on people's lives. Facing it head on is how we deal with it. Acknowledge your privilege as a white person. Acknowledge the realities of racial disparities. When black people protest with #BlackLivesMatter, resist the urge to reply back with #AllLivesMatter. You are silencing an oppressed minority group, which is the problem in the first place. Yes all lives matter, but historically and currently, it has been proven time and time again that black lives don't matter as much as white lives in this country. Raising black people up, or any people of color, is not taking white people down. It is lifting everybody up. When I see my black or Latino or Asian brothers and sisters being treated poorly, it doesn't improve my status because I'm white. It lowers my status as a human being.

Acknowledging whiteness and the negative effects of whiteness does not implicate every white person. If and when a civil war does break out, it will be about principles. One side's principles include freedom and equality for all, the other side's principles focus on the superiority of a few. The sides are largely divided by race, but there are plenty of minorities who will fight for a racist, oppressive establishment. Many Polish Jews helped the Gestapo round up other Jews. African slaves in America did the same for their slavemasters. Harriet Tubman always said she would have freed thousands more if only they wanted to free themselves. That is the power of the establishment. And it works the other way, too. In any fight for equal rights, the Civil Rights Movement, the Gay Rights movement, there are always people from the oppressive majority group that break rank and fight for equality for all. Many white people gave their lives in the Civil Rights Movement. Many straight people put their lives and careers on the line for the Gay Rights Movement. It's a matter of principles, not what you look like or who you sleep with.

I'm a straight, white, 35 year old man from a middle class family and I recognize that I have benefited from all of those aspects of my identity. I recognize injustices towards minority groups exist and I stand for equal treatment of all races, classes, genders and sexual orientations.

What do you stand for? Now is a good time to decide.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

An American Dream Deferred and Detained

Kalief Browder was 16 when he was arrested for stealing a backpack. After the arrest, he spent 3 years in the infamous Riker's Island waiting for a trial that never came. In fact, he was never officially charged with a crime. He was simply left to rot for three years, two of which he spent in solitary confinement, a cruel and inhumane punishment for anybody, let alone a 16 year old alleged shoplifter. 

This story would be awful enough if it ended there. Unfortunately, the real ending to this story is even more tragic, albeit sadly predictable. A few days ago, he took his own life.

This is a complete and utter failure of the entire justice system. Why is he in Riker's for petty theft? Why is he in solitary confinement? Why is the abuse of prisoners openly accepted? Why didn't he get a timely trial? How the fuck did we let this happen?

Kalief's death is a direct result of the broken justice system. John Oliver recently exposed one aspect in particular, our ridiculous bail system, and it helps explain Kalief's story. He was unable to raise $3,000 bail and unwilling to take a plea bargain, which would admit guilt, so he waited for a trial to prove his innocence. In prison, Kalief was beat by correction officers and inmates, all on video. This was in pretrial detention. He was not even serving a sentence! After charges against him were dismissed in 2013, Mayor de Blasio ordered solitary confinement for 16-17 year olds to stop. He didn't address the issue of waiting three years for trial or the issue of guards beating inmates or the issue of minors serving at Riker's in the first place, but I guess it's a start. Blasio claims he wants to raise the age requirement for solitary confinement, and that would be a wise decision, considering Kenan Davis, an 18 year old inmate, just killed himself in Riker's this past Wednesday (the second suicide at Riker's in 2015). Of course, considering the other horror stories. like Albert Woodfox, who spent 42 YEARS in solitary confinement for a charge that was overturned twice, he should just go ahead and ban solitary all together.

Even Republicans (well, one anyway) realize what a tragedy this was and that justice in America is simply not applied equally for whites and people of color. And we all know it doesn't apply to the rich and the poor equally either.

The rich can make most of their issues with the law go away by paying high priced lawyers and large fines. At most they might spend some time on house arrest. The relationship between people in poverty and the law is so far removed from that of the rich it has become a tv trope. Once a poor person becomes entangled in the "justice" system it's almost impossible to get out. They don't have the money for attorneys so they get harsher punishments. They can't pay the fines or bail so they have to spend time in jail (which should be outlawed anyway; as a society, we decided debtors prisons were immoral centuries ago). They spend time in jail or at court and they can't work, and most poor people don't have jobs where they can take time off, so they don't get paid. When they try to better themselves by looking for a better job, now they have a criminal record, decreasing their chances of finding one. They take some college courses to improve their career options but can't afford the supplies necessary, so they end up taking desperate measures. 

Or as in Kalief's case, they get falsely imprisoned and tortured. Let's say he did steal the backpack. Think about what that means. He was trying to get the very basic necessity to better himself: a bag to carry his school materials. After he was released from Riker's he was taking classes. He wanted to succeed, but the horrors of his time in prison damaged him permanently. The system is so completely stacked against the success of so many young people that he had no chance. He didn't fall through a crack in the system, he fell through a carefully crafted chasm.

Kalief's story resonates with me for many reasons, but largely because I see many of the kids I have worked with when I look at his pictures. I understand the importance of long term interventions. And I understand the importance of short term interventions, like providing a backpack. Where I work, Pathways/Senderos, we recently started our annual backpack project. We provide every one of our students, and their siblings if we can, with backpacks filled with school and hygiene supplies. Wherever there are school districts with a high percentage of the population living in poverty, there is a high absentee rate in the first week of school. A lot of these absences are attributed to students not having basic necessities. They end up falling behind and never catching up. They are low on self esteem to begin with, and their difficulty in school affirms their worst doubts about themselves. That in turn affirms some of the teachers' worst doubts, and many children simply never receive a proper education. Without a proper education, they often turn to a life of crime or become stuck in low paying jobs. The American Dream is a lie. 

"The American Dream" is dead.

This is the cycle of poverty that is so difficult to break; it requires long term intervention to change, but it also takes small, positive actions. A friendly inquiry into someone's life. Extra help with homework after school. A new backpack. These small actions can provide hope and momentary relief, and when they begin to add up, they lead to substantial, positive change. 

The story of Kalief Browder is so disturbing because of how it exposes the broken justice system and our failure to treat mental health issues in this country; it also reflects our despicable attitude toward the poor, an attitude I encounter a lot as an advocate for poverty stricken youth. I feel like I've met dozens of Kalief Browders. I see how individuals and the system (education, justice, health care, you name it) count them out or even actively discourage them. Many of the students I have worked with have similar stories as Kalief. It is my goal to help them avoid a similar ending.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Horrible Rap Metaphors

Rap. Hip hop. I fell in love with it at an early age. The pop culture references, the story telling, the wordplay; it was all a revelation to a young man fascinated with language.

There is a lot of knowledge to be gained from listening to some rap songs. And then there are the following songs. In most cases, it's not even the entire song, just one line, one attempt at a clever metaphor that is so stupid, so glaringly asinine, that the English language itself cries out in pain. Here are a few historically bad lines in rap:


LL Cool J: Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag Getting Crushed by Buildings

Offending line: "Pink cookies in a plastic bag getting crushed by buildings."

Ok, this is one of those cases where the entire song is an embarrassment.

The title, which is unfortunately the chorus as well, is possibly the dumbest metaphor for sex uttered by an adult human being since written language was invented. Possibly language itself. Do I have to explain why this is such an awful line? Has anyone besides James Todd Smith referred to sex this way? Why? Do you hate sex, Mr. Cool J? You are responsible for the first rap love ballad ever, and you spout this nonsense?!

The verses aren't much better. They break down into that awful rap trope of using rappers' names or song titles as similes/metaphors:

She was Chubb-y and
ready to Rock
Naughty By Nature and
part of my private stock and
ridin in the relax
frame of mind and
hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Hammer timin.

*closes laptop, stares into oblivion for a few minutes to contemplate life*

Ouch. At one point the beat drops out and there's the sound effect of a toilet flushing. Yeah. This song is bad.

And it's not even LL's worst transgression in music! That honor will forever-and-a-day belong to his duet with Brad Paisley. They concocted their own metaphor, "Accidental Racist", meant to explain subconscious racism and ultimately cure race relations in America, but instead spawning endless, hilarious internet memes and a new euphemism for a colossally dumb idea. To illustrate:

"Hey remember when I decided to drive drunk on a motorcycle and I fractured both of my legs? That was dumb."

"Yeah, totally, that was like your 'accidental racist' moment, bro." 

"Whoa, man, it wasn't that dumb." 

"True."

So yeah, "Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag Getting Crushed by Buildings" isn't the stupidest thing LL has ever done, but it's pretty damn stupid.


Foxy Brown: Oh Yeah

Offending line: "Y'all only nice around mics like Pippen."

Now when most people think of Foxy Brown and horrible lines, they think of her entire career...OH SNAP!

Seriously though, most point to her head-scratching fuzzy math in "Affirmative Action" as her worst verse. Granted, that verse is awful, but that wasn't necessarily a bad metaphor, just bad math. On the other hand, her line from Oh Yeah is literally what Men's Rights Activists point to when they argue women shouldn't be sports writers or analysts.

At first, it actually seems clever. If you don't think about it too much, you might nod your head and forget it. That's your best bet, because when you think about it, you start to wonder how Foxy ever managed to land a multimillion dollar record deal and your head starts to throb painfully and uncontrollably.

Let's break this down. She's invoking the common trope of dissing a metaphorical "wack rapper," the "you/yall" she addresses. She claims these wack rappers are only good when they are around mics. Ok. Well, that's the one thing they need to be good around, no? That's like, their whole purpose. Also, comparing your competition to Scottie Pippen? That's...high praise. Sure, he wasn't as good without Jordan, so the "only nice around mics/Mikes" sorta makes sense. But Pippen is in the Hall of Fame and considered one of the 50 best players ever. How is that a diss? Foxy is all sorts of confused and doesn't realize she's complimenting her competition.

In fact, the whole verse reflects a highly confused individual:

I'm like Marion Jones (a cheater? on steroids?) 
what, who the fuck wan' race?
Listen, never trippin', never catch Brown slippin'
Fuck, y'all only nice around mics like Pippen
Shit, to all my thugs that's Blood'n or Crip'n
I'm still shittin' (didn't need to know that) 
still lowridin' and switch-hittin' (so the rumors of her bisexuality are true or...?)

I just don't understand why her career fizzled out.

(Side note: In the song Buck 80, rapper C-Rayz Walz says, "I'm nice around the mic like the Wizard players." Now that works! I feel like he heard Foxy's line and vowed to improve it.)


Drake ft. Nicki Minaj: Make Me Proud

I don't mean to pick on female rappers, but this is what equality gets you, ladies. 

Offending line: (Nicki Minaj) "I'm a star. Sheriff badge."

Yes. I get it. We all get it. The tsunamis caused by the wind from an entire nation sucking its teeth then sighing in disgust the moment the line was uttered destroyed an entire continent (sorry Antarctica). This is just criminally dumb. It was also one of the first lines in the short lived (yet somehow seemingly endless) run of "hashtag rap", a simpler time when the "like" or "as" was too hard for rappers to fit in their rhyme schemes.

The worst part about this line is the smugness in which she says it, as if she had just spit the hottest line of the year. You can almost hear her do the "mic drop" hand gesture. In fact, if you listen close, you can hear the microphone sobbing, upset that it contributed to such stupidity being broadcast to the masses.


Eminem: Space Bound

Offending line: "I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon."

I've never been a huge Eminem fan, but he's had some undeniably classic songs and verses. I may not have purchased his albums or bumped his songs on my own time, but I always respected his skill and artistry. That said, I don't know what the hell he's been doing the past decade or so. Stadium Jams. Rehab Commercials. Love Ballads. And the above line, which serves as the song's chorus. It's apparently sung by some alien-frog high on mescaline, but I attribute this mess to Marshall.

Seriously, read the line again: "'I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon." That's a junior high school love letter somebody found. That's worse than anything from any of the boy bands he's brutally dissed throughout his career. You can't go around calling Justin Timberlake a fag and then make this song. #RealTalk Slim.

It gets worse. Here's a segment of the 2nd verse:

I'll do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths

Wow. I swear I didn't kidnap a 13 year old boy, place him in front of a tv showing scenes from Who's the Boss with Alyssa Milano, then force him to write down the first thing that came to his head. Those lines were written by a fully grown man, released by a major record label, and acted out on video.

Eminem, do us all a favor and go back on drugs, for the love of Lord Byron.

Drake ft Lil Wayne: The Motto (Remix)

Offending line: "Almost drowned in her pussy so I swam to her butt."

I'm not even sure this is a metaphor. I'll give Lil Wayne one thing about this line, though. It's certainly vivid.

I could discuss a million Lil Wayne metaphors, like the one about "beating the pussy up like Emmit Till," but it's hard to ridicule Lil Wayne since part of his appeal is his inherent ridiculousness. Many (most) of his metaphors are purposefully outlandish or bizarre or just plain goofy. I get that. Sometimes I even enjoy it (although I like the fake Lil Wayne metaphors better).

My old girlfriend in a box, call that shit Xbox

— Lil Wayne Rap Like (@LlLWayneRapLike) October 20, 2013

But there are undeniably bad lines, too, and this line stands out among a long career of failed punchlines. It's not clever. It's not over the top absurd. It's just dumb. The velocity of listeners' heads shaking when this line comes on can't be measured with current technology. This whole verse is Lil Wayne in his period of peak awfulness. Hell, in this very same verse he says:

"I'm twisted: door knob" (more hashtag rap!)

and

"Nigga, money talks, and Mr. Ed." (?!??!?).

This song is in the history books for most rotten garbage on a single record. Not only did this song start the "YOLO" craze (fucking Drake) it also featured everyone's favorite reptilian rap pedophile, Tyga, who actually thought it was a good idea to stand in a professional recording booth and say:

"Sorta like a donkey, act a ass nigga hee-haw."

I'll let that one sink in. Sink in and poison everything it touches.


Jamie XX ft Young Thug and Popcaan: I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times)

Song of the Summer, 2015. You heard it here first. Give me a cookie.

Offending line: "Ride in that pussy like a stroller." (I think? It's Young Thug so it's hard to be sure.)

Every time I think I have this line figured out, the meaning evaporates into a fine mist of Sprite and codeine molecules. In fact, that is the case with all of Young Thug's music. Only when the realization sets in that there is no meaning anymore can one reach the heights of bliss in which Thugger's squeaks and chirps resonate.

Thugger jumped on the "ridiculous to the point of hilarious" wave that Lil Wayne popularized and he boogieboarded into a whole new solar system.

Genius and stupidity don't exist on a linear spectrum, it's circular. Once you have gone so far in one direction, you end up at the opposite side. Genius, like time, is a flat circle. Young Thug Rap Game Rust Cohle.  He goes speeding past the point of utmost stupidity, flies past genius, and continues on an infinite loop, never settling in one spot, ultimately erasing the very concepts of "time" or "genius" or even "coherent lyrics." Young Thug Rap Game Cooper from Interstellar, floating outside of time and space and meaning itself. All that exists in his world is ecstasy and pleasure. Young Thug Rap Game Matthew McConaughey.

When he starts pounding his chest and grunting and babbling his utter nonsense, all those within range know...there's gonna be good times.

See, that was the title of the song. I fit it into my own metaphor. I'm at least on the same level as 1993 LL Cool J.

Sign 'em.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Belated Memorial Day Rant

Memorial Day. The beginning of the Summer Blockbuster season! At least, it used to be. The real reason behind the holiday, of course, is to pay tribute to fallen American soldiers.

It's important that we honor the past and the people who sacrificed their lives, and we generally do a good job of it. We glorify soldiers who have given the ultimate sacrifice. We tell stories about them, some true, others not so much. We make movies about them. We love honoring the dead. I just wish we'd do a better job honoring the living.

It's almost cliche at this point to talk about the poor treatment of veterans in this country. Their healthcare sucks. Their mental health care is nearly non-existent. They oftentimes can't get jobs, or at least ones that compensate them for their abilities. They make up a staggering percentage of the homeless population, especially veterans of color.

This inadequate treatment of vets is nothing new of course. From Vietnam, where many Americans harassed veterans in a misdirected expression of justified rage at a bullshit war, to today, when we basically act as if Iraq and Afghanistan veterans don't even exist.

It's really pathetic and hypocritical for a country that prides itself so much on its military strength and dedication to freedom.

I was always fascinated with war stories, especially those told by veterans, because war brings out every facet of mankind. It's a fascinating topic for sociological reasons, and for entertainment reasons to be honest (Vietnam movies are the best!). War says so much about the human spirit, for better, and largely, for worse. In my AP US History class in high school, we delved into the Vietnam War. One day, two Vietnam vets came to talk about their experiences. One thing they said has always stayed with me, and heavily influenced my outlook on Vietnam and wars in general.

After telling us where they were stationed and what their particular jobs were, they told us their current views of the war they fought so long ago. They said if they could do it all over again, they would fight for the Vietcong. This was a little shocking, to say the least, but I was an avid reader and I already had a good amount of skepticism about wars and the government. Hearing such a denunciation of America from the voices of people who served simply helped solidify my views. The vets said they were always impressed with the way the Vietcong fought; moreover, they believed the reasons why the Vietcong fought were the most noble and reasonable.

Not to get too much into the history of the war (you can and should do that on your own) but many of the Vietcong were local Vietnamese protecting their families and their land. They were associated with but separate from the North Vietnamese Army. Most were not Communist, although many people believe the Vietcong were just a tool of the NVA. Regardless, they fought against the South Vietnamese Army and therefore, the US. They also committed their fair share of atrocities. Nobody is innocent in a war, but there are legitimate reasons to fight, and their are completely asinine, and often blatantly false, reasons to fight.

The veterans talked about how much they loved their fellow American soldiers and would never betray them or turn their backs on them, but they simply believed the Vietcong had the most legitimate reasons to fight. Plus, the veterans felt completely betrayed by the US government, as many war vets do, and looked back on the war with a lot of bitter regret. It may not be something we want to hear from our vets, but nobody can take those feelings away from them. They earned those feelings of bitterness and anger. And I'll say this, as speakers, they did a wonderful job convincing me to never join the military.

Our hypocritical praising of the military while ignoring veterans has always bothered me. Fuck the American flag car window decal. Fuck the Facebook posts. I'm all for hashtag activism, but unless it's backed up by monetary support or a push for real change, through legislation, hiring practices, housing policies, whatever, it doesn't accomplish much except make people feel better by showing off their undying "support."

Here's an idea: how about we honor the heroes while they are still here? And not just on Veterans Day. Let's honor them by providing proper health care, jobs, housing. Honor them by not sending them to bullshit meaningless wars. Honor them by prosecuting or at least not voting for the politicians who send them to bullshit meaningless wars. I'm sure veterans will appreciate any of that more than a lame ass parade.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

More Life Lessons With Louie: Childhood Petitions and Regrets

Once again, this is a post about how a Louie episode made me reflect on an event in my life and feel like a piece of shit.

The other night I was watching the latest episode from this season and it featured my favorite character, Louie's daughter Jane. In this episode, they are walking to the doctor's office and she is explaining to him that she has no friends. Louie asks her about a girl he thought was her friend and she replies they aren't friends anymore. In fact, the girl started a petition at school asking, "Who hates Jane?" The whole class signed it.

I will help you destroy them, young one.

Kids can be so cruel. It's a cliche for a reason. The thing is, they're cruel in such devious ways that it's almost impressive. Who would think to write a petition like that? And actually have people sign it? That's cold on a massive level.

That's Louie. Although it is often completely absurd and surreal (the rest of this episode featured a horrifying monster stalking Louie's dreams) it is brutally honest about real life issues.

In this case, it was honest about kids' ability to be complete assholes. Which brings me to...me.

From Kindergarten through 8th grade, I attended E.B. Kennelly School in Hartford. In 5th grade, my teacher was Miss Calhoun, a tall, young, blonde hippy. At one point she made all of the students create our own lunch trays out of cardboard to protest the CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons--I'll give her this much, I never forgot that) in the styrofoam of the cafeteria trays. One day we simulated a biosphere, as seen in the Pauly Shore/Stephen Baldwin classic Bio-Dome. We were unable to leave the room for the entire day. We had to eat at our desks and we were allowed to go to the bathroom only once throughout the day.

One day she told us that we would have an exchange student from Israel in our class for a couple weeks. It was cool because we learned a little bit about Israel and the Middle East (the Gulf War occurred that year, too) to have some background knowledge of this new student in an effort to make his experience more comfortable.

His name was Ariel Bailey. He was quiet but friendly. I always liked him, but some of the girls in the class started to feel a certain way about his presence in our class. They felt Miss Calhoun was giving him too much attention. We were her real students and he was only temporary. Why should he get all this extra help just because he spoke a different language and was in a new country and his home country was in a perpetual war?

Sure enough, the girls wrote a petition saying Miss Calhoun spent too much time with him and asked everyone to sign it. I remember about 4 girls coming to my desk and telling me to sign it. When I asked why, they thought it was obvious. I didn't really understand it, but they were persistent and I wasn't, so I gave in. I didn't think much of it,  it was just a way to keep them happy and away from me.

Well, Miss Calhoun was definitely not happy when she received the petition. There was a parent teacher conference soon after and she told my mom how devastated she was that my name was on such a hateful list.

My mom was pissed of course, but even worse, she was disappointed.  My mom's method of expressing her disappointment always had the effect of making the recipient of her disappointment question their very purpose on this planet. After making sure I knew how disgusted she was, she told me I was going to apologize to Ariel.

I did, and I felt horrible. He wanted to know why I signed it and I gave him some half-assed excuse I can't even remember and I'm sure he didn't believe, but he forgave me. The truth is, I was just an average kid, and kids can be assholes, knowingly or unknowingly. They just don't fully think through their actions because they are mentally incapable of doing so yet. Children don't understand the impact of their cruelty and often don't even think of their actions as cruelty, just honesty. The problem is, honesty from their point of view is often skewed because they don't understand shit about life yet.

As an adult looking back at it, I'm upset with myself for not being strong enough to stand up to what I knew deep down was wrong; however, I'm happy my mom made me apologize and I'm proud that I went through with it. It was a little late, but it took courage. A little bit anyway. A very little bit. Whatever, it set the wheels of courage in motion.

I have often thought about this incident and I use it as motivation to stand up for myself and others. As a kid we don't know any better, but as an adult, there's no excuse for not standing up for yourself or standing idly by while others are picked on. It's not always easy. It takes mindfulness, confidence, and a willingness to withstand ridicule. For myself, I've realized that I hate regretting my own actions, or lack thereof, much more than I hate insults from bullies or people I disagree with. In fact, it feels good to stand up for yourself, and even more so to stand up for others. Give it a try!

Also, watch Louie.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Social Media Revolution and Big Media Laziness

We have all heard the term "Lamestream Media" or some variation of it. Depending on your political persuasion, you might see it as an obvious ploy by people like Sarah Palin to discredit any and all news reports about themselves and distract people from their own ineptitude, or you may see it as an honest indictment of the mainstream media. The fact is, it's probably both.

 Don't look so smug, lady, that sentence still called you an idiot. 

We all have some understanding that the media exists to sell us a story and that we shouldn't believe everything we hear on the news. We may recognize that a lot of it is bullshit or biased, but we still tune in, expecting some semblance of reality or professionalism. It's similar to how we all know not to believe the "Diet" or "All Natural" labels on foods yet we still hold on to the belief that there must be some level of truth to the claims. I truly believed that companies can't lie to sell their products because I was always told false advertising is illegal. They can't just make up shit and print it on their labels...the consumer protection board will handle it if they do!

Turns out, I'm dumb. Companies have no problem lying their asses off. Yeah, it is illegal, and some do get caught and have to pay out fines, but at that point the damage is done. The company has made millions and the general public tends to believe a company's initial claims despite any retractions or lawsuits. How many people still think VitaminWater is a healthy alternative to soda?

It's maddening but I can't blame individuals for their misperceptions; the media is happy to go along with corporate lies. Or police lies. Or government lies. 

A lot of that has to do with money interests and the few giant media conglomerates that control the news. Some news sites or individual articles are paid for directly by advertisers who absolutely have a say in what gets published. That has a crippling effect on the news we receive, without a doubt.

However, not everything is a conspiracy. Or at least, the conspiracy doesn't cover the whole thing. A big reason, maybe even the biggest reason, for the poor quality of news we receive is the sheer laziness of the media. So on one hand, the media is controlled by corporate interests, devoted strictly to getting clicks on their websites, thereby focusing on "click-bait" stories. On the other hand, they are simply fucking lazy. If a police chief or a government official or a company spokesperson tells them a story, that's what they go with because all they have to do now is summarize the report. Why question anything? When has the government ever lied?? If journalists decide to take it a step further and do some actual investigative journalism, most don't go too far out of their way. Instead of finding witnesses or interviewing people involved in the events, they can simply turn to the world's biggest supplier of firsthand news: Twitter. 

In February, 2015, three Muslim students were killed by a man in North Carolina. Apparently he was enraged over a parking dispute, but the man had a history of lashing out and even threatening the three students and their family. They felt it was largely because of their faith. We won't get into the absolute obviousness of the reasoning behind the murders (hatred of Muslims); instead we'll focus on the coverage of the incident.

Most media outlets rushed to deny any faith-based motive for the murder and instead went with the official police report that said it "may have" been caused by the parking dispute, completely ignoring the family's claims of past harassment and hatred. Unlike the people shouting "damn liberal mainstream media!" I don't think the mainstream media has a liberal slant; however, there are plenty of media outlets that have clear biases, both liberal and conservative. The more liberal minded media outlets focused on the faith aspect . Although I have a very liberal viewpoint on most issues, and I do think the violence was motivated by Muslim hatred, I still have issues with their coverage.

Besides pushing the faith angle heavily (which I understand since mainstream outlets were denying the faith angle heavily) they also used a lot of social media feedback. Now this can sometimes add context or... something (I guess?) to the story. It allows readers to hear what others are saying about the story, which is good. They could go talk to people, or I don't know, go on Twitter themselves, but sure, it's legitimate "journalism." Anyways, on any article nowadays (and even on some television news, especially ESPN) there's always a few tweets included in the coverage. Now, I love Twitter because you get to hear from some very smart, funny, and/or informed people, and often you can hear firsthand accounts from people involved in the story. It's also ridiculous because you get to hear from every backwater hobo with a wifi connection (how do they get wifi in the swamp anyway?). That's why a tweet from "@AmericanGriper" (that's me! Follow back y'all!) was included right next to a tweet from esteemed biologist Richard Dawkins in a story about the NC murders on the website ThinkProgress.org. Click this link to see the story, scroll to the bottom to see the tweets.

Now, I agree that my opinion on any given topic is just as important as Richard Dawkins', but I don't think most people would. In fact, when I saw the article and came across my own tweet, I was really fucking confused. Proud. But confused. I'm not saying it's completely unnecessary to hear from Average Joe about news events, but when everyone is given an equal platform to speak on, who do we listen to? If the media is simply going to use tweets for research, at the very least, they should look into who is tweeting. Otherwise you end up in really embarrassing situations.

Such as...

When Kanye West released the first of several songs with the last surviving Beatle (shhh Ringo, go back to the basement) Twitter was set ablaze with posts asking who this guy was and why Kanye would work with such an unknown artist. One commenter even posted: "Kanye has a great ear for talent. This Paul McCartney guy gonna be huge."

Idiots! How can you live on this planet and not know who Paul McCartney is?

Well, turns out the real idiots are the media outlets who reported on this. Apparently they had never been on Twitter and were unfamiliar with the concept of "sarcasm" or "humor". The guy who made the above post is Desus Nice, an absolutely hilarious Tweeter with his own podcast and show. He's know for his sarcastic wit and if you looked at any other tweet on his page you would recognize that instantly. Apparently that is too much to ask of the media. They saw one tweet, decided that the narrative of "stupid millennials don't even know music icons" was click-bait worthy and ran with it. All the old people can laugh at the stupid millennials and all the millennials who know Paul McCartney can laugh at their inferior peers. The perfect story!

#PEAKCAUCASITY https://t.co/t3V8EzNbJ6

— Desus Nice (@desusnice) January 5, 2015

 Giving Desus another golden opportunity to make fun of white people...dammit media! 

You make it really hard to be a white guy! Waaah!

This happens a lot. Like, a friggin LOT. "The scoop" has always been important to media outlets, but with the speed of the internet and social media (and social interest) it is even more vital for news organizations to be first to report, even if they are wrong. Combine that with perpetual laziness, and you end up with the shitty reporting we have now. The worst part about this is that whoever gets the "scoop" on the story sets the tone, and in fact, provides all other media outlets with the particulars of the case. Take the Freddie Gray/Baltimore story for example. When the Washington Post published a story titled "Prisoner in van thought [Freddie] Gray was ‘trying to injure himself’" every other outlet rushed to publish the story, using only Washington Post as the source. The absolute least amount of effort is put into covering a story. Simply find the stories already written and rewrite. Oh, and if you happen to be wrong, which they were in this case, don't worry about it! Simply update the story with slightly different wording and make sure not to promote the corrections!

We often see this rush to get a scoop mixed with ultimate laziness in stories of people being outraged at an incident/person/event/any number of things that outrage people these days. There is plenty to be outraged about (police brutality, lgbt equality, pollution, endangered species, etc.) but some people choose the most random, inconsequential things to obsess about and they make sure their feelings are heard. Over and over and over again. So when you hear a news story about people being OUTRAGED that so and so did this, try to get a sense of how many people are actually feeling this way. Ten people raging about the fact that there are not enough straight white men on national television is meaningless. In the grand scheme of things, a thousand people outraged about something, let's say a sports team's new uniforms or whatever, probably doesn't mean anything, unless that team has only a thousand fans. The Mets would probably be in trouble but that's about it.

 

I don't care about baseball anymore but I will absolutely take any opportunity to bash the Mets.

The Westboro Baptist Church is a good example. They seemingly show up at every military funeral and are on the news almost any time the topic of gay marriage or gay rights is discussed. You would think the "Church" has a million members with the amount of publicity their "cause" receives.

They have 40 members. Most from the same sick family. Yet we all know who they are and what they stand for. They are the perfect villains. Even ordinary homophobic people think Westboro crosses the line. So why do we hear about them all the time? Media outlets understand that if you include their name in a story, you're guaranteed to get some hate clicks: people literally reading the story to become enraged at the group and feel better about themselves because no matter what they've done in their lives, nothing is worse than what these assholes do every day.

So here's how it works: a small group of people (e.g. Westboro) get OUTRAGED at something. Media reports on it, never mentioning the size of the outrage. People (red-blooded Americans like you and I) get outraged about those other people being outraged. Media reports on the backlash outrage. Outsiders who don't care much about the topic are forced to pick a side because neutrality is for cowards. Stand up man...you too must be outraged!

The media wants your outrage. It draws ratings. When you're angry, you are more likely to comment on the article, which means you have clicked on their page and given them your precious view. When you comment, especially an angry, impassioned comment, you are likely to check back to see if anyone responded to you, thereby driving their number of views up even more. All they care about is whether you clicked on their website. They don't care about accuracy, ethics, accountability, nothing. They don't even care if you read the whole thing. They only care about clicks.

All of this gives us a false sense of the magnitude of any outrage; even worse, when topics arise that do deserve outrage, people don't take those things seriously, lumping them in with the "false outrage" group. So now everyone is simultaneously outraged by nothing and everything.

Thanks media!

And if you think this is all bullshit and you're in the comment section typing in all caps "HOW IS THIS NEWS?" hoping that the Editor in Chief will read your comment and reassess his purpose in life, causing him to only publish stories worthy of your highly esteemed readership, you have fallen directly in their trap. You clicked on the article to comment. They won.

And we--all of us--lose.

But hey, at least I got on the news! That's cool right?!

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

6 Tiny Flaws That Ruined Great Works

I'm sure we are all familiar with the experience of reading an amazing book or watching an amazing tv series only to reach the end and be completely disappointed by a lackluster conclusion.

 

Oh hey, Tony. Didn't see you there.

And we are all familiar with the idea of one part of a series ruining the entire series. Godfather III ruined what could have been a perfect trilogy. Indiana Jones 4 ruined the legacy of Indiana Jones and Harrison Ford at the same time.

Those are all common occurrences and even more common topics of conversation. A little less common are those pieces of art that are almost ruined by one very small thing, like the cashmere sweater in Seinfeld. A perfectly good cashmere sweater completely ruined by a barely perceptible, miniscule (yet monumental) red dot.

The following lyrics/scenes/lines are the red dots on the cashmere sweaters of their respective bodies of work.


Storm's Line in X-Men

The first X-Men movie was a great film but more than anything, it helped usher in the current era of All Super Hero Everything. Remember in the year 2000 when the only feasible super hero movie was Batman? Then director Bryan Singer came and blasted through the wall of pretensiousness that said super hero movies can't be taken serious. The film also stands out because it's one of the few series ever to have truly great sequels (despite some awful sequels as well). X2 somehow topped the original and became one of the best superhero movies ever. X-Men Days of Future Past may have even outdone that.

And it was all almost ruined by one fucking line uttered by a seemingly bored Halle Berry. Her character, Storm, is one of the greatest female super heroes ever, full of vigor and energy, able to control the weather. Yet, Halle plays her like a stuck up lawyer or something. Still, she's hot and the character is awesome enough to overwhelm her shortcomings. Then, she gets taken out by Toad, a meaningless villain who somehow takes out half the X team. Singer must have figured they got Ray Park to play Toad, they might as well show off his fancy fighting moves.

Storm gathers herself and starts a giant...well, storm, and attacks Toad. As he is hanging on to a rail with his tongue, she hovers near him and asks, "You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning?"

When he doesn't respond, she replies, "Same thing as everything else." Then she hits him with lightning and flies off into the sea.

When I first watched the film in theaters, the entire audience cringed. That's the best you could do? First off, Storm isn't known for her witty banter. Secondly, they barely gave her any lines of importance, then when she finally gets a chance to be a badass, this is all we get? Very weak.

But lastly, and most frustratingly of all, the payoff line is awful. Everybody knows the right answer to that question.

"IT CROAKS." It fucking croaks lady. What a wasted opportunity.


Method Man lyric on Campfire

8 Diagrams is the 5th and weakest album from the Wu-Tang Clan (I don't even acknowledge the disgraceful 6th album A Better Tomorrow). It's still a solid album that shows the strength of the Wu in the face of adversity, namely the passing of Ol' Dirty Bastard. The first song, Campfire, is one of the best on the album. Unfortunately, the whole thing is nearly sabotaged from the start by the usually brilliant Method Man.

Now Meth has certainly spit some duds before (just look at the majority of his solo work) but when he's on a good beat and everybody else brings their A-game, he can usually outshine anybody. Yet for some reason, on this grimy track that signaled the return of one of the greatest rap groups in history after a 6 year hiatus, he is given the honor of the opening verse and he spits out this mouth booger:

"I'm trying to bring the sexy back like Timberland and Timberlake."

I understand that rap references everything in life. I understand how huge "Sexy Back" was. I understand that Meth was more of an actor than anything else at that point. But, man, you can not get on a gutter-ass track on a Wu -Tang clan return album and spit that line. That is blasphemy. I tend to cough loudly or yell random words as that line comes up so I can enjoy the rest of the song and album.


The bridge on Ab-Soul's Tree of Life 

Ab-Soul is one of my favorite rappers out of the new crop that has popped up since 2010. He has a few solid mixtapes and a great album Control System. His dense wordplay and witty bars sets him apart from most rappers of this generation. He sometimes covers typical rap tropes, like women and weed, but he doesn't settle for simple nursery rhyme bullshit that makes it to the radio.

Which is what makes the hook on his song Tree of Life, one of the singles for his latest album These Days..., so unbearable. Much like Campfire, The song itself is one of the best songs on an otherwise lackluster album. Unfortunately, to enjoy it, you have to cut it off halfway through before you hear:

Me, and she
Sittin in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Yeah, he made the same mistake Nas did on I Am, except Nas made a whole song based on that damn child rhyme. It's almost worse in Ab-Soul's case because this was a good song until that point. I'd argue it's still a good song (unlike the Nas song) if you're willing to cough loudly for an extended period of time to cover that part up.

Speaking of bad Nas songs...


Black Girl Lost on It Was Written

It Was Written is Nas's second album. It was a notable departure from his first album Illmatic, but still a classic in its own right. It had more of a pop sensibility while retaining the realness and vivid storytelling that drew everyone to Nas in the first place. It's part of the "jiggy" era without being overly corny like Puff and Ma$e. It marks a turning point for rap; previously, any attempt to appeal to a wider audience was marked as "selling out". In fact, many people made that claim about this album, but after a while, even the most staunch purists acknowledged the brilliance of the album.

Except for one glaring flaw.

Black Girl Lost is one of Nas's first "MESSAGE!" songs, and it even had an obnoxious "skit" tacked on to the beginning. It came out in 1996 when I still listened to cassettes, and the song was the first song on the second side, so I had to hear it whenever I had to flip the cassette. Needless to say, I memorized exactly how long it took to fastforward through it and not miss one beat of the next song, Suspect.


Johnny Depp's dance sequence in Alice in Wonderland

In fact, any random dance sequence in movies should be on this list. Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland was far from the classic that the original animated Alice in Wonderland is, but it was an enjoyable, albeit dark, film.

Until the finale, after Alice kills the Jabberwocky. Then, we are treated to tortured with the vision of orange-haired, David Bowie-eyed Johnny doing a 30 second jig. Obviously, I have included it here for you to watch in case you have blocked it from your memory.

You're welcome. (I'm sorry.)

Pretty embarrassing, even for a guy who claimed being photographed was like being raped.


Killer Croc in Batman: Arkham Asylum

Arkham Asylum is one of the few non-basketball-or-football video games I have played post college graduation. In it, you become the Batman. Seriously. I've always loved the character Batman, and I've felt immersed in video games before, but this really let you feel one with the Dark Knight. It's set in an expansive world where you can glide or batarang your way across buildings and kick ass all through the titular asylum. Plain and simple, the game is a breathtaking, action-packed, ass-kicking adventure.

Until you reach Killer Croc's lair. There, you have to find your way through a bleak sewer maze and collect some potion. It's a confusing, dark sequence that completely ruins the forward motion of the entire game. It takes you away from the action and turns you into a confused, running, scared twerp. It took me much longer than any other scene in the game and it's the one I remember most clearly because I celebrated like a 6 year old getting cake when I finally beat it (and no that doesn't justify the shittiness). The rest of the game was right back in the mix of action but I will never play it again, and I consider the sequel far superior, mostly because of that one stupid scene. Killer Croc isn't even a good character...who gives a shit about him anyway!


So there's a few red dots I could think of for now. Can you think of any great works of art that are ruined by one small yet irreparable mistake? Let me know (and I'll steal your idea and write about it!)

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.