Sunday, June 28, 2015

The Persistence of Racial Hatred

The last year or so has been rough. Paying attention to the world and caring about fellow humans is truly exhausting. For many people, ignoring racism and discrimination in the world is easy because it doesn't directly affect them in negative ways. If I really wanted to, I could choose to shut it out, ignore it, because I benefit from white privilege. I can choose to not get involved, to not talk about the effects of centuries of institutional racism. I can even choose to believe a problem doesn't exist. I can choose to believe that all the horrible events occurring all over the country are isolated incidents.

It's comforting to think that the horrors of the world have been dealt with and left in the past, but the hate has never left. Hate and racism are embedded deep within the fabric of our country, and although we have progressed greatly, the hate and racism have not vanquished. People are better at hiding or disguising it now. And the best way to disguise it is to convince others it does not exist.

And like that...it's gone.

Over the past 2 weeks, many people have been looking for any other reason than racism for the murder of 9 black churchgoers in Charleston, South Carolina, by a white man known for his love of the Confederacy and segregation. Instead of focusing on the racial hatred he harbored and why he did so, instead of looking at his family and friends who must have stoked these fires, instead of investigating any organizations he belonged to or looked up to, instead of questioning roommates and friends about why they thought it was acceptable for someone to make plans for a civil war, we jump to the typical, tired talking points:

There's too many/not enough guns in this country.
Yes, guns are a big issue. I'm clearly on the side of having less weapons, but many people I respect disagree. The real issue is that people who don't value all human lives are always the loudest, making it impossible to have a reasonable discussion by blaming the victims for not having guns. Dylann Roof got a gun as a gift from his father. In most states you don't need any background check for private sales or gifts. That's a problem.

It's mental illness. 
Also a big problem, but not in this case. Racism is not a mental illness. It is a learned behavior. It is ignorance and hate. Most people with mental illnesses don't act out violently. Granted, most racists don't act out violently on their racism either. Nowadays, many racist acts are very subtle; casual racism is the dominant form. Something as simple as sharing a meme or liking a post on Facebook can be an act of racism. As President Obama himself said, it doesn't take saying "nigger" to be racist, despite what Georgia high school principals would have you believe. When racism is blatant and acted upon, it may look like crazy behavior to non-racists or even latent-racists, but it is not a mental illness.

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It's a hateful, learned behavior with deep, horrific roots.


It's the drugs we use to treat mental illness. 
Ok, this theory is only coming from Rick Perry, and I normally wouldn't entertain anything he says, but the man was elected governor of a very populous state several times, and he has decent support for his Presidential campaign, so his ideas are not isolated to his puny armadillo brain.

Guns and mental illness, more specifically our ridiculous access to guns and our piss-poor treatment of mental illness in this country, are definitely problems that need solutions. But the issue here is race. We have never honestly dealt with race in this country. I don't know if we ever will, but this one time it would be great it we tried. I'm going to anyway.

Another white male to the rescue!

I believe in the power of symbols. When people (or entire states) glorify a symbol that is historically associated with hate, I associate those people with hate.

The license plate, not the Hyundai symbol. Then again...damn it, I need a new car now. 


I believe in the power of words. When somebody says hateful things, I believe that person to be hateful.



The roommate is also quoted as saying that Dylann didn't often make racist statements, but he told a lot of racist jokes. Pro-tip: If a person constantly makes racist jokes, they are probably racist. Oh, also, if they say they want to kill black people and start a civil war, THEY ARE PROBABLY RACIST!

The immediate descriptions of Dylann included "quiet" and "shy," the mandatory words used for white mass murderers. That and "mentally ill" of course. It took Twitter and independent media outlets to finally get the discussion focused more on his blatant racism. The fact that photos like this surfaced definitely helped:


Because he surrounded himself with the Confederate flag, and because of the power and importance of symbols, the discussion then focused on why the Confederate flag still flies in so many states. That's an important discussion to have, and thankfully, it seems as if the flag flying at the South Carolina Capitol building might finally come down soon. Not soon enough.

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This is the casket of Rev. Pinckney, murdered by Roof. This is shameful.

The conversation about the traitorous, hateful flag is necessary, but it also allowed mainstream media to avoid talking about the more complex realities of systemic racism.

Then again, it led to this image...

Systemic racism is ingrained into the foundations of our society and we see its effects played out in the real estate market, the justice system, education, and basically every major institution in America. That is what people are referring to when they say "whiteness" or "white privilege." It doesn't mean that white people don't have our own struggles and nothing shitty happens to us, it just means we get the benefit of the doubt in many situations that affect our chances to succeed. We are more likely to get a job with a "white" name. We are more likely to get a fine or community service rather than prison time. And on and on.

It's possible (and common) to not even be aware of the benefits of whiteness and systemic racism and still receive those benefits. Individual racism is a little easier to spot. Systemic racism fuels individual racism; people absorb racist views from the society in which they live. Family, friends, teachers, classmates, neighbors, the media, music, sports. All of it informs our views. What was Roof learning at home? We know that his father gave him a gun as a present. Did his parents know about his affection for the Confederate flag? What was he learning from his friends? We know many people heard him talk openly about his ideas of segregation and killing blacks and didn't think much of it. What was the community teaching him? Well, we know that South Carolina has a bit of a...sordid relationship with race.

In addition to the horrifying fact that some of their recent politicians have ties with the Klan (or its PC reincarnation, the Council of Conservative Citizens) there is also the fact that South Carolina has 16 certified white supremacist groups. We know this because they all came out to denounce the actions of Roof. According to them, they had absolutely no connection to, or responsibility for, the crazed gunman; however, they want everybody to know he had some really cool ideas and legit grievances.

That's the community in which Dylann Roof was raised. He comes from a place where a racist judge remains on the bench and starts a hearing with a plea for the well-being of the killer's family.

He comes from a community where a black church that was once burned down after a slave tried to revolt stands on a street named after staunch defender of slavery.

 

He comes from a country where at least 5 black churches have burned down since the shooting.

Roof comes from a community where a white police officer shot a man in the back 8 times and would have gotten away with it if not for a random cell phone video uploaded to the internet. That same police officer is currently in the cell next to Roof.

That's right. The cop who shot Walter Scott in the back is in the cell next to the Charleston terrorist.

This is South Carolina. This is America.

The history is ugly, and painful, and it's all coming to the surface because we have never properly dealt with it. (I should add here that plenty of people have talked about it, more brilliantly than I could hope to, but as a society we refuse to adequately address these issues.) Instead, we attempt to ignore the problem, while naming streets and erecting statues to honor Confederate soldiers, claiming its to honor the heritage of the South. Unfortunately, that particular heritage is racist and hateful. There are many things the South should be proud of, the Confederacy is not one of those things. The statue of John C Calhoun, pro-slavery politician and all around horrible person, stands in the heart of the city. It was erected during the Jim Crow era, so blacks in the city could do nothing to prevent it. Meanwhile, proposed memorials to slaves have always been met with massive resistance. Odd that they are so willing to honor one side of their heritage and not the other.

Similarly, the Confederate flag, which was largely retired to museums after the Civil War (because they lost and most of the actual soldiers accepted it) regained popularity in the late 1940s and early 1950s as a symbol of opposition to the rising Civil Rights Movement. It was a sign of open defiance to the idea that all people are equal. So no matter how you personally want to define the flag, it represents hate.

The group that helped revive the flag, the States' Rights Democratic party, was led by Strom Thurmond, who ran for President in 1948. "States' rights" is often code for wanting to legally treat minority groups like shit. Politicians are already reverting to the states' rights argument to defend the use of the flag; watch how many use the same argument to deny gay people their rights now that the Supreme Court declared gay marriage legal.

Ironically, South Carolina State Senator and Strom Thurmond's own son wants to take the flag down. When Strom Thurmond's kin can no longer defend the flag, it's time to remove it.

Yet that is only one small step to the larger goal of equality for all. When prominent white voices proclaim angrily that racism doesn't even exist anymore, it is clear just how difficult that goal will be to reach.

It's a popular theory that the younger generations will be automatically less hateful. Dylann Roof put an end to that myth. There is still a need to actively educate the youth about past and existing inequalities in order to battle the misconceptions and misinformation passed down from older generations and currently being spewed on major media outlets. Roof became radicalized and obsessed with the idea that black people are ruining America and need to be taken out after the Trayvon Martin case. The death of a black 18 year old at the hands of a white/hispanic man and the complete acquittal of said white/hispanic man convinced a young white man that blacks are dangerous and need to be "put down."

That is the psychosis of white supremacy. The very idea that a young black man's life mattered enough to be in the news and in social media for an extended period of time, and the fact that he was occasionally portrayed sympathetically, was enough to threaten his sense of superiority. This is the same mentality that led to the increase in the number of domestic terrorist groups and white supremacist groups (often the same thing) immediately after Obama's election. Any progression towards equality is perceived as a threat from those who benefit from the status quo. It's a mentality that believes brown skin foreigners are a bigger threat to the US than white US citizens when the exact opposite is true. It's a mentality that accuses Obama and liberals of taking away guns while ownership and sales have steadily risen since Obama took office.

There is a theory that a black kid started dating a girl Dylann Roof liked and that set him down the path of hatred. His feelings of rejection mixed with inferiority made him search out a villain. In America, there's no more typical villain than black men. Trayvon had recently become a powerful symbol of an unjust justice system, but Roof knew he was really just a thug who got what he deserved. The black guy who took his girl was probably just like Trayvon. Once he gave credence to those feelings, there were plenty of people willing to encourage him.


Everybody needs to come to terms with their own identity. Some people accept their heritage, some people reject it. As white people in America, even if we never personally oppressed anyone and our ancestors never owned slaves, we have benefited from white privilege. We need to understand and accept that. It's nothing to feel guilty about, it's just a matter of life in America. Benefiting from white privilege doesn't make you racist, but denying it does. Unfortunately, some white people are defensive about the idea that they benefit from anything, which leads to this idea that they are the ones being persecuted whenever the idea is brought up. Giving up the status quo is a scary thought. A large part of their identity is built upon the fact that whiteness is inherently superior. Poor whites are often the ones most resistant to this idea of white privilege because they don't see the direct benefits. However, those same poor white people are the ones fighting against minority groups (blacks, gays, immigrants) receiving equal rights. That's white fragility. This white fragility manifests in many ways. It can be claims of reverse racism or as simple as tuning out of the conversation of race entirely because it is uncomfortable. It can also manifest in dangerous ways if given the right (wrong) motivation and in the right environment, as seen with Roof.

All white individuals are not a problem, whiteness is a problem. The whiteness inherent in denying the existence of a problem. The whiteness inherent in being safely detained and given a proper trial for murdering 9 black people versus being choked to death on the street for selling cigarettes.

Dylann Roof wanted to start a race war because he was afraid of blacks taking over the country. This idea, this fear that blacks are going to rise up and kill whitey is nothing new. This was the exact plot of Birth of a Nation in 1915, and this mentality is still pervasive in many parts of the country (and in many media outlets) in 2015.  The number of groups coming to the defense of Dylann's views, making sure that his "important" ideas are not lost in the tragedy, is frightening. They continue to warn about a race war, but the only people who want a race war are racist whites who can't come to grips with a changing reality.

There will never be a race war because, as Rachel Dolezal proved (despite how awful she is as a person) race is a social construct and fluid. Which side will multiracial people be on? Which side will Eminem be on? Which side will Asians and Latinos be on?

Race is a social construct that has real effects on people's lives. Facing it head on is how we deal with it. Acknowledge your privilege as a white person. Acknowledge the realities of racial disparities. When black people protest with #BlackLivesMatter, resist the urge to reply back with #AllLivesMatter. You are silencing an oppressed minority group, which is the problem in the first place. Yes all lives matter, but historically and currently, it has been proven time and time again that black lives don't matter as much as white lives in this country. Raising black people up, or any people of color, is not taking white people down. It is lifting everybody up. When I see my black or Latino or Asian brothers and sisters being treated poorly, it doesn't improve my status because I'm white. It lowers my status as a human being.

Acknowledging whiteness and the negative effects of whiteness does not implicate every white person. If and when a civil war does break out, it will be about principles. One side's principles include freedom and equality for all, the other side's principles focus on the superiority of a few. The sides are largely divided by race, but there are plenty of minorities who will fight for a racist, oppressive establishment. Many Polish Jews helped the Gestapo round up other Jews. African slaves in America did the same for their slavemasters. Harriet Tubman always said she would have freed thousands more if only they wanted to free themselves. That is the power of the establishment. And it works the other way, too. In any fight for equal rights, the Civil Rights Movement, the Gay Rights movement, there are always people from the oppressive majority group that break rank and fight for equality for all. Many white people gave their lives in the Civil Rights Movement. Many straight people put their lives and careers on the line for the Gay Rights Movement. It's a matter of principles, not what you look like or who you sleep with.

I'm a straight, white, 35 year old man from a middle class family and I recognize that I have benefited from all of those aspects of my identity. I recognize injustices towards minority groups exist and I stand for equal treatment of all races, classes, genders and sexual orientations.

What do you stand for? Now is a good time to decide.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Friday, June 12, 2015

An American Dream Deferred and Detained

Kalief Browder was 16 when he was arrested for stealing a backpack. After the arrest, he spent 3 years in the infamous Riker's Island waiting for a trial that never came. In fact, he was never officially charged with a crime. He was simply left to rot for three years, two of which he spent in solitary confinement, a cruel and inhumane punishment for anybody, let alone a 16 year old alleged shoplifter. 

This story would be awful enough if it ended there. Unfortunately, the real ending to this story is even more tragic, albeit sadly predictable.
 A few days ago, he took his own life.




This is a complete and utter failure of the entire justice system. Why is he in Riker's for petty theft? Why is he in solitary confinement? Why is the abuse of prisoners openly accepted? Why didn't he get a timely trial? How the fuck did we let this happen?


Kalief's death is a direct result of the broken justice system. John Oliver recently exposed one aspect in particular, our ridiculous bail system, and it helps explain Kalief's story. He was unable to raise $3,000 bail and unwilling to take a plea bargain, which would admit guilt, so he waited for a trial to prove his innocence. In prison, Kalief was beat by correction officers and inmates, all on video. This was in pretrial detention. He was not even serving a sentence! After charges against him were dismissed in 2013, Mayor de Blasio ordered solitary confinement for 16-17 year olds to stop. He didn't address the issue of waiting three years for trial or the issue of guards beating inmates or the issue of minors serving at Riker's in the first place, but I guess it's a start. Blasio claims he wants to raise the age requirement for solitary confinement, and that would be a wise decision, considering Kenan Davis, an 18 year old inmate, just killed himself in Riker's this past Wednesday (the second suicide at Riker's in 2015). Of course, considering the other horror stories. like Albert Woodfox, who spent 42 YEARS in solitary confinement for a charge that was overturned twice, he should just go ahead and ban solitary all together.

Even Republicans (well, one anyway) realize what a tragedy this was and that justice in America is simply not applied equally for whites and people of color. And we all know it doesn't apply to the rich and the poor equally either.

The rich can make most of their issues with the law go away by paying high priced lawyers and large fines. At most they might spend some time on house arrest. The relationship between people in poverty and the law is so far removed from that of the rich it has become a tv trope. Once a poor person becomes entangled in the "justice" system it's almost impossible to get out. They don't have the money for attorneys so they get harsher punishments. They can't pay the fines or bail so they have to spend time in jail (which should be outlawed anyway; as a society, we decided debtors prisons were immoral centuries ago). They spend time in jail or at court and they can't work, and most poor people don't have jobs where they can take time off, so they don't get paid. When they try to better themselves by looking for a better job, now they have a criminal record, decreasing their chances of finding one. They take some college courses to improve their career options but can't afford the supplies necessary, so they end up taking desperate measures. 

Or as in Kalief's case, they get falsely imprisoned and tortured. Let's say he did steal the backpack. Think about what that means. He was trying to get the very basic necessity to better himself: a bag to carry his school materials. After he was released from Riker's he was taking classes. He wanted to succeed, but the horrors of his time in prison damaged him permanently. The system is so completely stacked against the success of so many young people that he had no chance. He didn't fall through a crack in the system, he fell through a carefully crafted chasm.



Kalief's story resonates with me for many reasons, but largely because I see many of the kids I have worked with when I look at his pictures. I understand the importance of long term interventions. And I understand the importance of short term interventions, like providing a backpack. Where I work, Pathways/Senderos, we recently started our annual backpack project. We provide every one of our students, and their siblings if we can, with backpacks filled with school and hygiene supplies. Wherever there are school districts with a high percentage of the population living in poverty, there is a high absentee rate in the first week of school. A lot of these absences are attributed to students not having basic necessities. They end up falling behind and never catching up. They are low on self esteem to begin with, and their difficulty in school affirms their worst doubts about themselves. That in turn affirms some of the teachers' worst doubts, and many children simply never receive a proper education. Without a proper education, they often turn to a life of crime or become stuck in low paying jobs. The American Dream is a lie


"The American Dream" is dead.

This is the cycle of poverty that is so difficult to break; it requires long term intervention to change, but it also takes small, positive actions. A friendly inquiry into someone's life. Extra help with homework after school. A new backpack. These small actions can provide hope and momentary relief, and when they begin to add up, they lead to substantial, positive change. 

The story of Kalief Browder is so disturbing because of how it exposes the broken justice system and our failure to treat mental health issues in this country; it also reflects our despicable attitude toward the poor, an attitude I encounter a lot as an advocate for poverty stricken youth. I feel like I've met dozens of Kalief Browders. I see how individuals and the system (education, justice, health care, you name it) count them out or even actively discourage them. 
Many of the students I have worked with have similar stories as Kalief. It is my goal to help them avoid a similar ending.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Horrible Rap Metaphors


Rap. Hip hop. I fell in love with it at an early age. The pop culture references, the story telling, the wordplay; it was all a revelation to a young man fascinated with language.

There is a lot of knowledge to be gained from listening to some rap songs. And then there are the following songs. In most cases, it's not even the entire song, just one line, one attempt at a clever metaphor that is so stupid, so glaringly asinine, that the English language itself cries out in pain. Here are a few historically bad lines in rap:


LL Cool J: Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag Getting Crushed by Buildings


Offending line: "Pink cookies in a plastic bag getting crushed by buildings."

Ok, this is one of those cases where the entire song is an embarrassment.

The title, which is unfortunately the chorus as well, is possibly the dumbest metaphor for sex uttered by an adult human being since written language was invented. Possibly language itself. Do I have to explain why this is such an awful line? Has anyone besides James Todd Smith referred to sex this way? Why? Do you hate sex, Mr. Cool J? You are responsible for the first rap love ballad ever, and you spout this nonsense?!

The verses aren't much better. They break down into that awful rap trope of using rappers' names or song titles as similes/metaphors:

She was Chubb-y and
ready to Rock
Naughty By Nature and
part of my private stock and
ridin in the relax
frame of mind and
hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Hammer timin.

*closes laptop, stares into oblivion for a few minutes to contemplate life*

Ouch. At one point the beat drops out and there's the sound effect of a toilet flushing. Yeah. This song is bad.

And it's not even LL's worst transgression in music! That honor will forever-and-a-day belong to his duet with Brad Paisley. They concocted their own metaphor, "Accidental Racist", meant to explain subconscious racism and ultimately cure race relations in America, but instead spawning endless, hilarious internet memes and a new euphemism for a colossally dumb idea. To illustrate:

"Hey remember when I decided to drive drunk on a motorcycle and I fractured both of my legs? That was dumb."

"Yeah, totally, that was like your 'accidental racist' moment, bro." 

"Whoa, man, it wasn't that dumb." 

"True."

So yeah, "Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag Getting Crushed by Buildings" isn't the stupidest thing LL has ever done, but it's pretty damn stupid.


Foxy Brown: Oh Yeah




Offending line: "Y'all only nice around mics like Pippen."

Now when most people think of Foxy Brown and horrible lines, they think of her entire career...OH SNAP!

Seriously though, most point to her head-scratching fuzzy math in "Affirmative Action" as her worst verse. Granted, that verse is awful, but that wasn't necessarily a bad metaphor, just bad math. On the other hand, her line from Oh Yeah is literally what Men's Rights Activists point to when they argue women shouldn't be sports writers or analysts.

At first, it actually seems clever. If you don't think about it too much, you might nod your head and forget it. That's your best bet, because when you think about it, you start to wonder how Foxy ever managed to land a multimillion dollar record deal and your head starts to throb painfully and uncontrollably.

Let's break this down. She's invoking the common trope of dissing a metaphorical "wack rapper," the "you/yall" she addresses. She claims these wack rappers are only good when they are around mics. Ok. Well, that's the one thing they need to be good around, no? That's like, their whole purpose. Also, comparing your competition to Scottie Pippen? That's...high praise. Sure, he wasn't as good without Jordan, so the "only nice around mics/Mikes" sorta makes sense. But Pippen is in the Hall of Fame and considered one of the 50 best players ever. How is that a diss? Foxy is all sorts of confused and doesn't realize she's complimenting her competition.

In fact, the whole verse reflects a highly confused individual:

I'm like Marion Jones (a cheater? on steroids?) 
what, who the fuck wan' race?
Listen, never trippin', never catch Brown slippin'
Fuck, y'all only nice around mics like Pippen
Shit, to all my thugs that's Blood'n or Crip'n
I'm still shittin' (didn't need to know that) 
still lowridin' and switch-hittin' (so the rumors of her bisexuality are true or...?)

I just don't understand why her career fizzled out.

(Side note: In the song Buck 80, rapper C-Rayz Walz says, "I'm nice around the mic like the Wizard players." Now that works! I feel like he heard Foxy's line and vowed to improve it.)


Drake ft. Nicki Minaj: Make Me Proud

I don't mean to pick on female rappers, but this is what equality gets you, ladies

Offending line: (Nicki Minaj) "I'm a star. Sheriff badge."

Yes. I get it. We all get it. The tsunamis caused by the wind from an entire nation sucking its teeth then sighing in disgust the moment the line was uttered destroyed an entire continent (sorry Antarctica). This is just criminally dumb. It was also one of the first lines in the short lived (yet somehow seemingly endless) run of "hashtag rap", a simpler time when the "like" or "as" was too hard for rappers to fit in their rhyme schemes.

The worst part about this line is the smugness in which she says it, as if she had just spit the hottest line of the year. You can almost hear her do the "mic drop" hand gesture. In fact, if you listen close, you can hear the microphone sobbing, upset that it contributed to such stupidity being broadcast to the masses.


Eminem: Space Bound


Offending line: "I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon."

I've never been a huge Eminem fan, but he's had some undeniably classic songs and verses. I may not have purchased his albums or bumped his songs on my own time, but I always respected his skill and artistry. That said, I don't know what the hell he's been doing the past decade or so. Stadium Jams. Rehab Commercials. Love Ballads. And the above line, which serves as the song's chorus. It's apparently sung by some alien-frog high on mescaline, but I attribute this mess to Marshall.

Seriously, read the line again: "'I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's in the moon." That's a junior high school love letter somebody found. That's worse than anything from any of the boy bands he's brutally dissed throughout his career. You can't go around calling Justin Timberlake a fag and then make this song. #RealTalk Slim.

It gets worse. Here's a segment of the 2nd verse:

I'll do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths

Wow. I swear I didn't kidnap a 13 year old boy, place him in front of a tv showing scenes from Who's the Boss with Alyssa Milano, then force him to write down the first thing that came to his head. Those lines were written by a fully grown man, released by a major record label, and acted out on video.

Eminem, do us all a favor and go back on drugs, for the love of Lord Byron.


Drake ft Lil Wayne: The Motto (Remix)


Offending line: "Almost drowned in her pussy so I swam to her butt."

I'm not even sure this is a metaphor. I'll give Lil Wayne one thing about this line, though. It's certainly vivid.

I could discuss a million Lil Wayne metaphors, like the one about "beating the pussy up like Emmit Till," but it's hard to ridicule Lil Wayne since part of his appeal is his inherent ridiculousness. Many (most) of his metaphors are purposefully outlandish or bizarre or just plain goofy. I get that. Sometimes I even enjoy it (although I like the fake Lil Wayne metaphors better).

But there are undeniably bad lines, too, and this line stands out among a long career of failed punchlines. It's not clever. It's not over the top absurd. It's just dumb. The velocity of listeners' heads shaking when this line comes on can't be measured with current technology. This whole verse is Lil Wayne in his period of peak awfulness. Hell, in this very same verse he says:

"I'm twisted: door knob" (more hashtag rap!)

and

"Nigga, money talks, and Mr. Ed." (?!??!?).

This song is in the history books for most rotten garbage on a single record. Not only did this song start the "YOLO" craze (fucking Drake) it also featured everyone's favorite reptilian rap pedophile, Tyga, who actually thought it was a good idea to stand in a professional recording booth and say:

"Sorta like a donkey, act a ass nigga hee-haw."

I'll let that one sink in. Sink in and poison everything it touches.


Jamie XX ft Young Thug and Popcaan: I Know There's Gonna Be (Good Times)

Song of the Summer, 2015. You heard it here first. Give me a cookie.

Offending line: "Ride in that pussy like a stroller." (I think? It's Young Thug so it's hard to be sure.)

Every time I think I have this line figured out, the meaning evaporates into a fine mist of Sprite and codeine molecules. In fact, that is the case with all of Young Thug's music. Only when the realization sets in that there is no meaning anymore can one reach the heights of bliss in which Thugger's squeaks and chirps resonate.

Thugger jumped on the "ridiculous to the point of hilarious" wave that Lil Wayne popularized and he boogieboarded into a whole new solar system.

Genius and stupidity don't exist on a linear spectrum, it's circular. Once you have gone so far in one direction, you end up at the opposite side. Genius, like time, is a flat circle. Young Thug Rap Game Rust Cohle.  He goes speeding past the point of utmost stupidity, flies past genius, and continues on an infinite loop, never settling in one spot, ultimately erasing the very concepts of "time" or "genius" or even "coherent lyrics." Young Thug Rap Game Cooper from Interstellar, floating outside of time and space and meaning itself. All that exists in his world is ecstasy and pleasure. Young Thug Rap Game Matthew McConaughey.


When he starts pounding his chest and grunting and babbling his utter nonsense, all those within range know...there's gonna be good times.

See, that was the title of the song. I fit it into my own metaphor. I'm at least on the same level as 1993 LL Cool J.

Sign 'em.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.