Stoned Willy Predicts the Worst Halloween Costumes of 2014

"Yet year after year it's the same routine, and I grow so weary..."

Wasssssupp yaallllllllllllllls! Im hiiiiiiiiiigh as fucccckkkkkkk off this pumkin spice leannnn cuz yer dawg Willy is a sick puppy. Sweats, snots, shits n evrythannnnngggggg. What, yall dont know bout that pumpkin promethazine? Must be exclusive ta yer boy.

Anyfuckinway, lets get this shit rollin huh?

It's autumn. Awwwtuuummm. Nnnnn. Haaaa. Weird word. Awwwtummm. Haha.

Sorry. Lean is fuckin kickin innn. Fever is breakin ooooouuut.

Yo. Ok. Here we go. It's fall. Ya know wut that mean. Time fer tha offensive-as-all-fuck Halloween costume season ta begin! This year jus feels like it could be tha most offensive yet, ya know? Now I dont have fancy photoshop skills er i woulda done up sum slick pics fer yall (i got fuckin paws over here feel me? I gotta dictate this damn blog ta Siri) but jus wait til Halloween n Im fuckin posititty...positit....positive that yer gonna see each n evry one a these fuckin things.

So here's yer man Stoned Willy's perdictions fer Worst Representation a Humanity in Tha Form a Halloween Costume fer tha year 2014:

Mike Brown/Ferguson cop

Ya might think ta yaself, but Willy, how could any fuckin human bein dress up as a murdered teenager fer shits n fuckin giggles? I mighta thought that too, dear innocent reader, before 2012's mos popular costume:

Thas right! People thought dressin up as Trayvon Martin n Zim Zimmer (n racist-gangsta Peter Pan I guess?) was fuckin hilarious! Look at tha first muthafucka, he even went with tha ole white lips an eyes jus like a real vaudevillean fuckin thespian n shit! Hi-lar-ree-us!

First off, here's a general rule fer all white people: if ya got an urge ta wear blackface, dont. Jus fuckin dont.

Second, fuck ya wit a chainsaw in yer moldy belly button if ya think mockin a murder victim is funny. N its not a coincidence its always a black murder victim bein mocked. Not even gonna go there. Sheeyit  I aint tha fuckin moral fuckin compass a society here but hav a lil fuckin common sense n decency. I know thas a lot ta ask from sum pieces a shit out there, but yeezus fuckin crist people, get a grip. Jus dont dress up as murdered kids ya fucks. Shouldnt b that hard.

A Ferguson cop would be funny, tho, if ya roll up in yer suburban halloween party wit an armored truck shootin tear gas n rushin everybody wit rifles n constantly yellin in everybody's face all nite n callin em animals. But i can see how sum people could miss tha joke so ya mite wanna stay away from that one too.


Adrian Peterson beatin his kid

An enterprisin Vikins fan started early.

I dont care bout yer stance on hittin kids...nah fuck dat, if ya think hittin a kid wit a weapon is coo, fuck u. I been kicked n beaten too much ta think that shit teaches discipline er whatever yer fuckin excuse fer beatin a kid is. Plus, yer probably gonna end up in blackface too, so fuckin choose somethin else ya prick.

Jus not one a these next ones:


Gynecologist/Boob Doctor/Perverted Loser Jus Tryin ta Get Sum, Any Attenshun Whatsoever from Females

Ya know these pathetic fucks. He got a labcoat wit "Gynecologist" er "Boob Doctor" on it n he's givin out free exams er he's got a box over his crotch n hes askin everyone ta check out his gift. These fuckin guys, givin all us Y chromosome havin muthafuckas a bad name. Sad thing is they probly get laid off it. Good thing is, its unsatisfyin fer everyone involved.


A catholic priest forcin a boy ta anoint his cassock 

Nah fuck that, thas always funny. Fuck em fer fuckin kids tha fucks.

Nah fuck that, cuz yer mockin tha kids too. Dam its hard not ta be offensive. Muthafuck!!


Native American Anythin

Another tip fer tha whites outchea: If yer costume starts off wit an ethnicity, good chance its gonna be sum racist shit. Mos people dont like ta think a their ethnicities (n basically their entire essences) as a joke, nah mean? Starvin Somalian. Mexican Bandolier. Drunken Irish Wifebeater. Asian Sumthin. Best ta not specify an ethnicity. Thas specially true wit Native Americans. Aint they get shit on enuff witout yer drunk ass walkin aroun mockin their culture n dress?

I'll say this tho, its a lot less offensive ta dress up as sexy Sacagawea than a fuckin scumbag Redskins fan.

 >>> 

Guess which one of these two is gettin laid tonite?

Malaysian Flight Victims
Hahaha screw their dead fuckin faces!

Goddam man thas fucked up. Drank this leannn n chill my dude.

Plus, we don't even know what happened ta these cats. If ya dressed up in an invisibility cloak n made airplane noises, THAT would be funny. Er if ya dressed up as Wolf Blitzer n talked about tha missin airplane for 27 days straight, that would b funny. Mocking tha victims aint funny.

Wolf Blitzer haha who named that muthafucka?


ISIS/Suicide bomber

Ya mite cause pande-fuckin-monium if ya walk in wit fake dynamite strappd to ya, n yer probly gonna include blackface er a fake beard n turban n do sum bullshit accent, so nah, skip this fuckshit.

Beheaded Journalist

Fuck. No.


There ya go! Now spread tha word 'fore Halloween so we can avoid all this tomfuckery!

Ahhh who am i foolin, all this shit is gonna be out there! Jus take sum pics a tha inevitable fuckery ya see n send em ta me.

Im ouuuuuuuuut. I need a fuckinnnn nnnnnap. Wheres my draannnnnk? Sacagawea, po up tha pumkin spice, girl!

Stop it White People...Spread World Peace.

Be a Part of The Solution!

On Sunday, September 28th, Greater New Britain Teen Pregnancy Prevention, Inc. will be hosting its 16th Annual Pathways Walkathon.

I started working at Greater New Britain Teen Pregnancy Prevention, Inc.’s Pathways/Senderos Center (yeah, it’s a mouthful) in the summer of 2008. I had volunteered at the Center the previous summer, the same summer I started my own publishing company (which has been a smashing success; order my latest book now!). Coincidentally, my friend and college roommate Nick Jakubowski, who had recently started working at Pathways, wanted to start a writing project with the kids at his job. That summer, Pathways/Senderos and TH Circle Publishing released our first book: a collection of stories, anecdotes, and poems from the Pathways high school students titled, “Silenced Teen Voices Heard.” The next year, I was working full-time at Pathways, and we published another book, “Life + Love; Sex + Struggles.” These two books were funded by grants; unfortunately, we were unable to secure more grant funding for the project, but we were able to publish one last book in 2009: “Nobody But Us.” You can purchase all three books from the Pathways website:

www.pathways-senderos.com/SilencedTeenVoices.html

All proceeds from the books go to Pathways/Senderos.

Although we have been unable to publish more books since then, we do amazing things at the Center on a daily basis. Pathways/Senderos is a comprehensive teen pregnancy prevention program. Our mission is to prevent teen pregnancy, obviously, but that's a small part of what we do. We also aim to assure high school graduation and promote adult self-sufficiency. We help kids help themselves become successful adults. I am very proud of my job. I also truly enjoy my job. I see the benefit of what we do every day, and even more awesomely, the benefit of what we do on a long-term basis. The program is long-term, so our participants are in the program from 6th grade until they graduate high school. We get to watch them grow and mature and progress over a period of 7 years (longer really, because our graduates always come back to visit). It’s an amazing feeling to be a part of something so beneficial. If there is any solution to the cycle of poverty and teen parenting, Pathways/Senderos is it.

And now is your chance to be a part of the solution. On September 28th at Walnut Hill Park in New Britain, we are holding our annual fundraising event, the Pathways Walkathon. Our students, staff, board members, volunteers, and supporters gather behind the band shell for a 2 mile walk around the loop in the park. There will be refreshments, including apples and apple cider from Rogers Orchards, as well as a raffle. Prizes range from Stop and Shop gift cards to a free rental car (of your choosing) for a weekend (of your choosing) from Hoffman Auto.

All the proceeds from this event benefit the 60 boys and girls (and their families) that we serve on a daily basis. Money is important, but what would be even greater is a mass showing of support for these young boys and girls who are trying to make something of themselves. A huge group of people at the event will let these kids know they are a part of a community that cares about them.

Many of my friends and family have already donated or attended the event in the past, and several have expressed that they will be there this year. I don't know if they know how much it is appreciated, but I wanted to express my gratitude again. I am sincerely moved by your generosity.

Now I ask you all to consider attending this year's Walkathon, even if you never met me (Hi! My name is Geoff Elterich!) or never heard of Pathways/Senderos. Registration is at 9:30am, and all we ask is a $20 donation. If you can’t make it, please consider a donation, which you can easily make on our website.

I am proud to say that the work I do is important. More than that, these kids are important to me. I took this job because it let me start at 10am, had good benefits, and one of my best friends was working there. I still love this job after 6 years, partly for those same reasons, but mainly because it has transformed me from someone who was going through life without much care or direction, to someone who cares deeply about the world and the people around me. There’s no way I can pay that back, but I can pay it forward by spreading the message of Pathways/Senderos.

I hope to see you on the 28th. Peace.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.