Let's Talk About Sex and Hip Hop: How 90s Rap Helped Stem the AIDS Epidemic

Hip hop has always been a reflection of society, yet since its inception, certain people have blamed hip hop for society's problems; it's been labeled the cause of violence, drug use, Fred Durst, even AIDS. It still gets the blame whenever a conservative needs a convenient scapegoat for mass shootings. Or when their own kid is caught with cocaine. It must be that damn rap music!

There are valid criticisms of rap (and all art) for its content and the influence it has on consumers, but most arguments focus only on the negative and miss the point of influence. Biggie talking about selling drugs and kidnapping a Knicks player isn't going to make me want to do the same. But Biggie wearing a Coogi sweater might make me want to get one. Biggie saying, "Now I throw shields on the dick, to stop me from that HIV shit" might make me think twice about going bareback. Throw in Snoop saying, "I got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do too," and Ghostface Killah telling his boy to "take this raincoat, and practice safe sex," and  protecting yourself from STDs and unwanted pregnancy becomes the cool thing to do. And when it comes to reaching people, especially young people, nothing works better than cool.

Ask Phillip Morris.

Critics argue that rappers promote promiscuity, but studies have shown that hip hop had no negative effect on people's sexual behavior. This study from the National Institutes of Health states, "Popular discourses on young men’s health risks often blame youths’ cultures such as the hip hop culture for increased risk practices but do not critically examine how risk emerges in urban young men’s lives and what aspects of youths’ culture can be protective." The authors of the study claim that Hip hop did not lead to riskier behaviors, and more studies should be done on the positive, or "protective" qualities of hip hop. Nothing says protective like promoting condoms, and it's quite possible that hip hop not only had a positive effect on sexual behavior, but that it played a vital role in helping to stem the HIV/AIDs epidemic in the 90s.

Throughout the 80s and 90s, HIV was rampant in the US. Once people realized it wasn't just killing off "the gays," the realities of the disease caused nationwide panic. TV shows and movies started to address the crisis. Hip hop, the most socially aware genre of music in history, constantly reminded its listeners, and viewers, of the dangers of HIV and the benefits of safe sex.

It wasn't exactly subtle either.

As usual, women led the way. In 1990, fresh off the success of their provocative "Push It," Salt-n-Pepa came back with an educational after school special of a song that somehow became a hit. "Let's Talk About Sex" was all over MTV, BET and mainstream radio. I remember hearing it in the car with a friend's parent and getting embarrassed, but it's such a good song that we were all singing the chorus by the end of it, with my friend's mom emphasizing "and the BAD things that may be."

The song wasn't preaching, it was fun, and conversations about sex should be fun. Kids are more likely to learn that way, but most adults are so uptight about sex that they can't overcome their own discomfort long enough to discuss it with children.

Salt-n-Pepa was by no means the first to mention the merits of condoms and safe sex. It was just the most earnest, and frankly, the most popular instance, so it was the most important. They reached an audience a lot of earlier rappers didn't.

The Teacha, KRS One, deserves a lot of credit for his contributions to providing comprehensive sex education to 80s kids. In 1988, Boogie Down Production released "Jimmy," where KRS says: “Jimmy hats are now in style ‘cause you can’t trust a big butt and a smile.” That song is loaded with gems like: "drippin jimmy’s is straight up wack." The shit is absolutely hilarious, but at the time, HIV was ravaging the country, and the federal government was openly mocking gays and calling people gay for even asking about HIV. Then here comes KRS telling straight men (who he calls "super hoes," so he was ahead of his time on gender equality, too) to wrap it up. It wasn't just gay people who needed to be careful. There was nothing like this in music at the time. BDP didnt exactly make it to mainstream radio, but this song was a legitimate rap hit. About putting on a rubber. In Reagan's America.

Of course, there's one more legend we can't overlook for his contribution to keeping your jimmy from drippin. Kool Moe Dee. The epitome of cool (it's in the name!). Before he was a "player" he had to go see the doctor. This was a cautionary tale about the consequences of unprotected sex. "As I turned around to receive my injection, I said "Next time I'll use some protection." This was 1986, two years earlier than BDP. It was straight up comedy, but it was no joke. Again, the best way to teach young people is using humor and fun, and there's not many songs as fun as this.

"Jimmy hats" became a popular term in rap in the late 80s and 90s. It was like a rebranding of the too technical "condoms" and too silly "rubbers." Jimmy hats was a clever, funny term created by hip, young black men. Hip hop slang, though often ridiculed, travels the world and eventually becomes mainstream. (Remember how many old white people said "fleek" in 2016? They used it mockingly at first, but they used it.)  The term "jimmy hats" maintains that sense of coolness that is so important in reaching young people when it comes to changing risky behavior.

KRS may have pioneered using the term "jimmy" in a song, but others weren't far behind. In Digital Underground's awesome 1990 single, "Same Song," everyone's favorite fake-nosed rapper Humpty says:
Pull out my jimmie, time to get busy wit a Jenny
If it's good and plenty, don't you know
There I go, there I go, there I go
But I don't go nowhere without my jim hat
If I'm rapping, 'cause she's clapping
Then I'm strapping 'cause I'm smarter than that

In 1991, former NWA member Ice Cube released "Look Who's Burnin." The song starts with people talking at a clinic, with one guy saying "I came here to get some rubbers." The nurse lists off STDs. Then Ice Cube comes in and raps:
I went to the free clinic, it was filled to capacity
Now how bad can a piece of ass be?
Very bad, so I had to make the trip
and thank God, I didn’t have the drips
I was there so a hoe couldn’t gimme that
Just to get – twenty free jimmy hats.

One of the top comments on that video says: 
"One of the main reasons I always kept condoms on me...Thankz Cube!"

The same year Ice Cube dropped that song endorsing condoms and clinical check-ups, Magic Johnson was diagnosed with HIV. To say it was a shock doesn't do it justice. The electric chair is a shock. This was an asteroid landing on our heads. The NBA and hip hop have always been closely connected, and Magic's diagnosis reverberated through hip hop culture. There were the obvious jokes but there was also serious concern. If Magic, an icon, a hero, can get this disease, that meant anyone could. It wasn't just the black community or basketball or hip hop community that felt it, it was the whole world waking to this realization.

That's why it was so iconic and powerful when TLC debuted in 1992 and Left Eye wore the condom as an eye patch.

I can't explain the hat though.

It couldn't be ignored. The whole group often wore condoms as accessories. It was a fashion statement with a message. It was provocative, because everything related to sex is provocative in this uptight country, but they were promoting safety as well as female and self empowerment. They showed that women could take control of their own sexual health. They may not have been too proud to beg for sex, but they were too proud to have it unprotected.

Many other rappers deserve credit as well. There were countless lines promoting safe sex in the 90s. In Bonita Applebum, one of hip hop's greatest love songs, Q-Tip lets people know that "if you need em, I got crazy prophylactics." That was before TLC came out, and later, his rhyming partner (RIP Phife) reupped the claim, even shouting out the ladies who had become synonymous with condoms: "But just in case I got more condoms than TLC."

There were also some...questionable references to safe sex. You'd think the man responsible for creating the Hip Hop Love Ballad would be a little smoother with his sexual metaphors. And yet, he released "Pink Cookies in a Plastic Bag Getting Crushed By Buildings." As a single!

This came out in 1993 and I had no idea it was a metaphor for safe sex until 2017.

It still makes no damn sense, but good job I guess, LL.

Jay Z once said he "got a condo with nothing but condoms in it." Damn, Shawn, not even a fridge? Or a bed? Where are you gonna use those condoms? There's not even a rug you can lay out on the floor? It seems a bit excessive.

Dre Dre had an extended verse about his experience with STDs. If I had to guess, I'd say the doctor has had to treat himself a few times:
And before me dig out a bitch I have ta’ find a contraceptive
You never know she could be earnin’ her man,
And learnin’ her man, and at the same time burnin’ her man
Now you know I ain’t wit that shit, Lieutenant
Ain’t no p**sy good enough to get burnt while I’m up in it"

Many rappers like Dre focused on the consequences of unprotected sex to shame people who didn't protect themselves. Shame can have a powerful effect, too. It was not cool to get "burned." We all loved Ol' Dirty Bastard, but we didn't want to be like him and get burned not once, but "actually two times goddammit." Unfortunately, a lot of the shame tactics turned into anger at women, a common male tactic, which is why TLC's fashion statement was so powerful in a male dominated industry.

For the hip hop community, HIV/AIDS hit even closer to home in 1995 with the death of Eazy E. There became a sense of urgency to address the virus in the hip hop community and society as a whole. This was at a time when hip hop was becoming the most popular music genre in the country, so its impact was being felt on a massive scale.

In that year, 1995, there were more deaths from AIDS in the United States than ever before. There were well founded fears of a new age plague.

In 1996, the immensely successful Wu Tang Clan, fresh off a classic debut and several successful solo albums, decided to use their considerable influence for good. They came together with many other popular rappers (Common! Spice 1! Coolio!) to release "America is Dying Slowly," an album full of warnings and advice about HIV/AIDS. On the lead song, "America," Wu Tang raps in the chorus:

AIDS kills, word up respect this, yo
Coming from the Wu, it's real

Here were some of the best and most popular rappers in the world talking about the dangers of unprotected sex and AIDS over a 1996 RZA beat. Incredible.

This album went deep. These artists took real time and effort to make quality music with a powerful message. RZA even gave a great line about the popular conspiratorial claims about HIV:
Overcome with passion, big ass want lust upon him
But nigga he forsake to grab the condom
Fuck it, he said AIDS, was government made
To keep niggas afraid so they won't get laid no babies be made
And the black population will decrease within a decade
German warfare product against the dark shade

They dismissed the myths about AIDS and gave real life advice. It wasn't just a "my label wants me to do something positive" thing. They saw people dying in their community at a rapid pace and knew how serious the situation was, so they decided to do something about it.

By all accounts, it worked. There was a drastic drop in the number of AIDs related deaths in 1996. Many people credit the antiretroviral drugs that became widely available that year, and sure they deserve some credit (okay, a lot of credit) but it's not a reach to say that hip hop played a significant role in raising awareness about the disease.

Despite the rapid drop in AIDS related deaths in the late 90s, HIV/AIDS and STDs never went away, and rappers never stopped promoting safe sex.

In 2003, Freeway rapped: "And she want me to sneak in the building like trolls and a toy, Best believe there's Trojans involved, hats lift over the boy, oh boy."

In 2007, Beanie Sigel, always brilliant, provocative, and politically incorrect, rapped: "I'm Ruthless, but nothin like Eazy, I keep a pocket full of Magnums, believe me."

In 2008, the guy who made eating buttholes popular said: "Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex cuz u dont want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text."

Hip hop's promotion of safe sex is so well known that even condom manufacturers and brands took notice. In 2004, a company called Jimmie Hatz (great name!) marketed condoms to the young "urban" crowd. This had the added benefits of making the people at Fox News blow a fuse.

Magnum condoms, a brand popular with rappers for the...genital implications, saw their sales boosted 14 percent from 2001-2010. They largely attribute that boost to rappers referencing the brand in their songs, such as Ludacris ("Stop by the convenience store and pick up them rubbers, Magnum I hope") and Rick Ross ("Hit the Dodge lot I must've copped six Magnums/ Marriott suite, I must've used six magnums"). In 2010, with their first ever marketing campaign (they literally did not run ads because they relied on the free publicity from rappers) they held a rap contest in 2010 to see who could come up with the best song about Magnums.

Even the current White Boy Wonder G-Eazy referenced condoms just last year on a hit song: "keep a Costco pack of rubbers by my night stand." He's smart and thrifty!

Everyone seems to focus on the risky behavior that rap "promotes," such as promiscuity, but if the argument is that rap influences people, logically (considering the abundance of condom references) some of that influence must be positive.

Hip hop, for all the ridiculous blame it receives for society's problems, never got the credit it deserved for raising awareness about HIV/AIDS. The genre was highly influential in avoiding a much worse AIDS epidemic in the 90s and remains an important tool in promoting safe sex.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Roc Marciano Continues His Winning Streak

This article appears on 90s Hip Hop Junkie.

Roc Marciano isn’t just a rapper with a “90s aesthetic” trying to appeal to hipsters and old heads; he is a 90s rapper. Literally. Anyone familiar with the NY hip hop scene knows Roc’s bio, but for those who aren’t, he began with Busta Rhyme’s Flipmode Squad, then left in 2001 to form the UN with three other NY underground rappers. Throughout the 2000s he had some scene stealing appearances with the Wu, and in 2010 he released his self-produced debut solo album Marcberg. He hasn’t looked back since.

Rakeem Calief Myer aka Roc Marciano

In the past two years, he released two excellent albums, Rosebudd’s Revenge and Rosebudd’s Revenge 2: The Bitter Dose, possibly the best albums in a catalogue with no misses. Roc is back with a quickstrike EP called Warm Hennessy, a collection of 4 loosies with several remixes and instrumentals. A lot of fans may have already heard most of the verses on here, but the remixes are different (and good) enough to enjoy this as a fresh release. Former UN member Dino Brave, along with frequent collaborator Hus Kingpin and others, join the New York legend on the mic, while the Arch Druids provide the beats, and J-Force and others deliver the remixes.

In typical Roc fashion, the EP is grimy yet lush, cold as ice but perfect for summer nights on the stoop. The album cover features what looks like a vintage picture of New York City, with the Empire State Building centered prominently. It perfectly symbolizes what you will experience once you pop in the cass…um, the mp3s. Or cop the vinyl on bandcamp.

Although Roc follows a winning formula, his style doesn’t get stagnant and he never wallows in shallow nostalgia. Instead of forcing you to try to feel something of a 90s NY vibe, Roc is firmly in the present; he has simply been molded and defined by a certain era, an era that many hip hop heads wish never ended. An era captured by the cover art. An era that many newcomers (and even veterans) try to emulate yet most merely imitate.

Roc’s longevity and adherence to his singular vision allows him to find a sweet spot between nostalgia and living in the current moment. Much like fellow NY artists KA and Westside Gunn, Roc has created his own aesthetic. If he was a movie director, he'd be called an auteur. Not one to follow trends, even the ones he started, Roc slightly switches up the sound on this EP. The Arch Druids worked with Roc before on Emeralds, Here I Am, and Marksmen, and they have added a few more street bangers to their mutual collection. With typical (but not tired) rap drums, there’s more percussion than recent Roc releases, but he delivers his expected wit and wordplay over the gritty soundscape. All of the guests contribute solid verses, in particular Hus Kingpin on the title track, and the horns during the chorus on Bo$$ Material feel like a guest verse on their own.

Since 2010, Roc's career has emulated that of his namesake: he’s favored to win, he should win, and he does win. It's good to switch up the formula a little, which Roc does here, but if the overall formula works this well, there's no need for drastic changes. After all, Rocky Marciano was 49-0. Although it lacks the cohesiveness of his albums, and it doesn’t reach their heights, this EP is another notch on Roc’s championship belt.

Rocky Marciano would be proud

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

The Illusion of US Meritocracy

By now you've probably heard about the young man who walked 20 miles to work and was rewarded with a car from the CEO.

This is not to be confused with the kid a little while back who rode his bike 6 hours to school and was rewarded with donations and a job.

We love these stories. And with good reason! They are the ultimate in that underdog, true grit, can-do spirit that Americans love. To sum up that second story, Fred Barley rode his bike 6 hour to register for college classes. Dorms hadn't opened yet so he set up a tent in some bushes. Cops came, heard his story, and paid for a couple nights in a hotel. After a few nights, one of the cop's wives put Fred's story online and it went viral, donations started piling in and the college allowed him to move in early. Soon he got a job at a pizzeria, because, as the owner said: "I guess I had a soft spot for anyone who is that determined to succeed in life.”

This is by all means a great story. Honestly, I am very happy for Fred and the other young man who got a car from the CEO. I'm glad that there are some bosses/administrators/cops that do care about workers/students/civilians.

The problem is, these stories are framed as if they are the natural outcomes of working hard. They are used to push the narrative that the US is a meritocracy. Look at the wording of the pizzeria owner's statement. Fred was "determined" to succeed. The message being put forth is that if you work hard enough, you will be rewarded. I don't fault the owner for saying it, and determination should be encouraged, but the reality is that many people work very hard and still find themselves underpaid, in debt, or even homeless. And let's be real here. Fred got a job at a pizzeria, it's not like he was made an executive at Google. Let's hope he doesn't have any medical emergencies in the near future.

The media often takes exceptional stories like these and uses them to moralize against the poor and working class. You're complaining about working conditions and low pay? Look at this kid, he walked 20 miles and didn't complain!

These stories are like the casino putting up pictures of the big winners on their walls, or making the slot machine's buzzer loud enough for the whole casino to hear when it pays out. They serve to create an illusion that this can happen to you. Technically, it can! You might win $10,000 at the casino! You might get a job offer or even a free car if you work hard enough! Or, you could lose all your money. You could work your ass off for minimum wage for years and then get fired when the boss wants to increase profits. Those things are actually much more likely, and common.

But we flock to the stories of the generous boss because they give us hope that our hard work will pay off. I believe that hard work "pays off" in the sense that if you work hard, you're more likely to put yourself in a position where good things can happen to you. People should work hard, but it's never a guarantee that hard work will be rewarded..

Yet, Americans are so determined to, or more accurately, shamed into working hard that they are literally working themselves to death. Our minds and spirits are so broken that there's a new trend at workplaces around the country of donating vacation time to new mothers. So, instead of demanding that companies pay for adequate maternity leave, we are giving our own hard earned vacation time to our fellow employees.

That's very noble, and it's great to see workers supporting each other, but we keep shooting ourselves in the foot. The real benefits of all this hard work go to a select few. Only the company really benefits from people "donating: vacation time. Jeff Bezos, Amazon CEO, the richest man in the world, is worth $150 billion. His workers in Spain and Germany just went on strike to protest the horrible working conditions. Bezos could easily spread $50-100 billion around to his workforce and he and his company would still be fine forever. Same with the son of a South African emerald miner, Elon Musk. These guys benefit from shitty working conditions, yet they are still looked at as self-made, moral leaders for some reason. They have rabid online supporters that will attack you for questioning their billionaire idol's motives. People think guys like Bezos or Musk are gonna save us from Trump. The problem is...they are exactly the same! They benefit from keeping their workers poor. These guys are maybe not quite as racist or dumb as Trump, but business wise, they are all cut from the same cloth.

And we, average Americans, think it's some great honor if we can just touch that cloth for a second. So these stories get passed around with the subtext that this can all happen to you. Job doesn't pay you enough to buy a car? Take public transportation! The public transportation in your city is notoriously broken and shitty? Walk! Your job is 20 miles away? Start walking at midnight! You might get a free car out of it!

This messaging is so deeply ingrained in our society. It's the American Dream! That dream is used as a weapon to bludgeon the poor. If you haven't moved up, it's your fault because in America, if you work hard enough you'll always succeed. Except, we have extremely low financial mobility compared to most first world countries. If you're born poor in America, you mostly stay poor despite your education and "effort.".

Why did a college student have to bike 6 hours and sleep in some bushes just to get to school? Even with that effort, he was very lucky to have found cops willing to pay for his hotel room, a guy willing to give him a job on the spot, and a woman to tell his story online. There are so many factors involved with Fred finding success. It took a lot of hard work, sure, but it also took a lot of kindness from strangers and plain luck. Let's not act like this will happen to anyone who just "tries" hard enough. How many people out there are just as hardworking and determined as Fred but yet still fail?

Look at the discrepancies in education for the poor and the wealthy. If you grew up in Bridgeport instead of Fairfield, you'll have an entirely different and more difficult path to success. This "homeless teen goes to Stanford" shows how hard this oe student's journey to college was, and while she also deserves a lot of credit, this story pushes the same narrative as the others, with the added bonus of the "homeless person has actual talent omg!" angle that the media loves so much.

We hear about these stories because they are so unusual. Most people don't get this lucky, but we share the stories because they give us hope. We use them as examples of "hard work equals success" instead of examples of how high the chips are stacked against us. Using these stories as an example of how the system works if you just put in enough effort is like using Katniss as an example that the Hunger Games system is working for everybody, and you can be like her if you just work hard enough; knowing full well only one person will survive.

These stories are used to make us tolerate the intolerable. Don't show me a story about a young girl who started a lemonade stand to pay for her brother's healthcare and tell me it's inspiring. That's horrifying! What kind of country is this? These stories show the power of human determination, but they more clearly show the level of inequality and dysfunction in this country.

Instead of just praising these individual students and workers and then using their stories to shame others into working harder, lets figure out how we can correct the conditions that led to these stories. Let's create a society that actually does reward hard work, but also supports people in ways that makes it more likely to succeed. I certainly don't have the solution, but acting like these stories say something great about our country (and not just something great about the individuals directly involved) is ignoring the deeper reality.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

50 Cent and Hip Hop's Enduring Masculinity Problem

(This was published on 90s Hip Hop Junkie)

Actor and newly founded activist Terry Crews recently testified in front of Congress regarding the need for men to speak up about sexual assault, while also discussing his own assault by a top Hollywood executive. In response, 50 Cent posted pictures mocking Crews. Along with the photos intended to question his masculinity, 50 wrote, “"LOL, What the fuck is going on out here man? Terry: l froze in fear, they would have had to take me to jail. Get the strap".

50 Cent's now deleted instagram post

50 Cent, a self-described “bad guy” of rap received a lot of backlash, but there were plenty of supporters. Hip hop mogul Russell Simmons, commented with a laugh emoji on the post. Which is rather revealing about Mr. Simmons character, considering Uncle Rush is accused of sexual assault himself.

By 10 different women, in fact

So, is 50 Cent (and by extension, people like Russell Simmons) just a relic of another era, or proof that hip-hop has a long way to go to address its misogyny and problematic views on gender?

50 Cent, in one of his shitty movie roles

50 Cent’s persona of a street hustler who doesn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone helped him move massive units in the early 00’s, and more recently helped him establish a solid role in the popular show Power. It has also given him a large social media following, and often times his general lack of civility is highly entertaining. Flouting social norms can be fun! More and more, however, it seems that trolling is the only weapon 50 has in his dwindling arsenal.

His post last week shows that he’ll never evolve from the toxic masculinity that has defined his career. Misogyny has been a part of rap (and most other music/art/entertainment) for ages, and it won’t completely go away any time soon. But hip-hop has always been a reflection of society, and with a changing society, hip-hop necessarily changes as well. However, if the top artists and executives of the genre aren’t willing to accept or embrace social change, such as the #MeToo movement, will the music be allowed to evolve? And will the audience continue to accept the artists’ problematic views and separate the art from the artist? In this case, it is keeping with 50’s rap character, so his fans probably won’t care much, but what does that say about the hip hop community?

Many hip hop fans are quick to find excuses for their favorite artists. Take the commentary about xxxTentacion after his untimely death (or the lack of commentary about Kelis's allegations against Nas). We heard repeatedly from fans that X “made mistakes” but he had “potential” to change. There were even calls for better mental health services, which is all well and good, but why does an abuser receive more support than the abused? Even though Crews could probably stomp 50 out in a fair fight, Crews is being ridiculed because he didn’t attack his assaulter, ruining his own life and career in the process.

One of the best parts of hip-hop is its open embrace of weirdness and individuality, but there are still many problematic views on gender and sexuality at the forefront of the genre. The easiest way to diss a rapper is to question their traditional masculinity. The worst insult in rap is “you’re gay!” or “I fucked your bitch!”, the implication is that the person being dissed is not adequately fulfilling the traditional role of manhood, and it remains an effective attack.

It’s not easy for a man to admit that he was sexually assaulted; most men never press charges or make the assaults public. Terry Crews had the courage to tell his story in hopes of making it easier for others to tell theirs and more effectively address sexual abuse in society. Although the #MeToo movement has received less attention recently, people like Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and Kevin Spacey are facing serious jail time for their actions. Society at large is less willing to accept these actions and views. Many rappers, even older rappers like Jay Z, have embraced the #MeToo movement and LGBT issues, but if hip hop turns its back on men like Crews while supporting people like 50 Cent, or rappers with abusive pasts like xxxTentacion and Kodak Black, it runs the risk of losing its relevancy as vital social commentary.


I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Look at Yourself, America!

Hey everybody, it's The United States of America's 242nd birthday! I gotta be honest with you America...you look like shit! On this Independence Day, it's time to take a long look in the mirror...

The Muslim Ban is now federal law!

Our government has taken over 2500 immigrant children from their parents with no plan to reunite them!

Actually, we don't know how many children they have (some estimates say over 11000) because the White House refuses to answer questions and the Department of Homeland Security is no longer providing that information!

Crossing the border illegally is a misdemeanor, and not one of the children or parents in detention camps are in MS-13!

There are 33,000 documented instances of abuse by ICE between 2010 and 2016 alone!

The former Chief Counsel of ICE was just arrested for stealing immigrants' identities!

ICE recently doubled its supply of M4 rifles and signed a $15 million contract with Colt firearms!

It's such an inhumane agency, even ICE agents want to abolish ICE!

The Trump administration is now looking to deport naturalized immigrants, aka US citizens!

Undocumented immigrants who have been here for decades and committed no crimes, some who have even served in the military, are being torn from their families and deported!

Legal immigrants are getting locked up for misdemeanors they committed 25 years ago!

The Trump administration has almost completely stopped taking in refugees, and the US is the reason those people are refugees in the first place!

The US is actively engaged in conflicts in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Niger, Somalia, and Yemen, using never-ending drone strikes and even more troops on the ground! although we'll never know because the Pentagon is no longer telling the public that information!

With the Yemen War, we have contributed to the worst humanitarian crisis in history!

10% of the homeless population is made up of US veterans!

Five US journalists were slaughtered at their office last week!

School shootings! Oh so many school shootings!

Also mall shootings! Movie theater shootings! Nightclub shootings! Concert shootings!

A black congresswoman has been threatened with lynching!

An opioid epidemic ravages the country while nobody does anything about it!

Rising healthcare and pharmaceutical drug costs, despite Trump's pledge to take on the pharmaceutical companies and give "the best health care to everybody"! Those same pharmaceutical companies making billions are directly responsible for the aforementioned opioid epidemic!

That fucking wall!

The President's main adviser is a Fox news pundit who promoted a conspiracy that Democrats killed a guy for leaking information and that top Democrats were running a pedophile ring at a pizza shop!

Trump legitimized the brutal dictator in North Korea, then claimed to have brought world peace, while the brutal dictator continues to increase his nuclear arsenal!

Nazis....Nazis everywhere! Literal Nazis are running for Republican congressional seats!

White people are still calling the police on minorities just for existing!

Police are still killing people, harassing minorities, and altogether abusing their power!

A 3 year old girl was awarded a $2.5 million settlement after a Chicago police officer pointed a gun at her chest!

The taxpayers have to cover that settlement!

Flint still has dirty water!

Thousands of water systems across the country have too much lead in the water!

Corporations have been using the enormous tax cut to buy back their own stocks at a record amount!

We now have the largest wealth gap in US history!

Donald Celebrity Apprentice Trump has appointed over 40 federal judges for LIFE!

Trump has appointed one Supreme Court justice and will pick another one...for LIFE!

The head of the Environmental Protection Agency actively hates the environment and is using the position to live like a King, while removing regulations on clean water and air!

An elvish hobgoblin, who was too racist to be a judge 30 years ago, runs the Department of Justice!

Former national parks and monuments have been opened up for drilling after Trump said he was returning the land "to the people"!

The Trump Organization continues to make money off the presidency by opening up hotels in other countries! Plus, foreign diplomats literally pay to stay in his DC hotel to influence him!

The Trump Foundation, a "charity" run by the Trump Organization, was really just a scheme to pay off his debts!

Trump University was determined to be a fraud and forced to pay a $25 million settlement...and 63 million people still voted for him!

Our President is punishing our closest allies, rewarding and befriending our worst enemies, making it harder for small businesses to operate, monetizing the presidency, embracing and endorsing white nationalism and open bigotry, and he has endorsed a pedophile, all while under investigation for corruption and standing accused of sexual assault by 19 people!

Top Democrats are worried more about "civility" than everything just mentioned!

Republicans now claim they want more civility, but they called the last President a foreign-born, Muslim monkey, and for the past 3 decades they've claimed that "PC culture is ruining the country!"

Democrats and Republicans worked together to pass a defense budget with an $80 billion increase! That increase alone could've paid for free college for every eligible American! Yay civility!

Stuttering John, a washed up comedian from the old Howard Stern show, outsmarted the entire Trump administration!

It was fun while it lasted yall! Happy final birthday, America!

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Fifty Years, One Reason

When my mom came home from the hospital earlier this year, she was frustrated with her slow recovery. One night when I visited, she was in the den, looking at the computer and crying. My mother has always exuded strength, so the few times I've seen her cry have been devastating.

I asked her what was wrong and she told me she couldn't remember how the computer or any of the other technology worked. She felt dumb. Thankfully I was sitting because a sense of sadness and fear nearly knocked me over. Deep in my soul, I felt her frustration at realizing that her cognitive skills were impaired. It is literally my biggest fear (recognizing your own loss of cognizance with no power to stop it) and my mom was experiencing it in front of me. It still haunts me. It was one of the most heartbreaking things anyone has ever said to me. I always knew losing a parent would be hard, and I dread the moment it happens, but I never realized how difficult it would be just to see them getting old. Even though she had expressed to me many times in the hospital how much she loved and appreciated my Dad for being there (along with other family members and friends) in that moment, she seemed so alone. It really hit me that although the whole family was going through a tough time, she was the only one physically going through it.

So I did my best to let her know that she's not alone and that she's not dumb, she's just still recovering. Overcoming my own desire to curl up in a fetal position and cry, I told her she had come so far in a short time, and that considering how much she had been through, it was amazing she was even here.

She thanked me and then said something else that truly melted me. She said that when she was in the hospital, thinking of me and my brother gave her the will to live and was the only thing that got her through it all.

I've always felt loved by my parents. They have gone out of their way to support me my entire life. But until that moment, I don't think I ever realized how much my brother and I really mean to them. When she talked in the hospital, it was usually a mix of hallucinations and memories. The constant was that she talked about me and my brother. There was confusion some times (she often talked about me on the swim team, but that was Mike) but it was clear we were on her mind. She didn't simply love us, she lived for us.

When she came home, she improved a bit, only to relapse and go back into the hospital and nursing home for a couple weeks. There were a few days where she was almost completely unresponsive. I was sure that it was the end. And yet, her condition improved again, and she came home again. Since she came home that second time, she has continually gotten better and stronger. She is incredible. Her strength is unbelievable.

And yet, I don't know if she would've made it without my Dad. Thinking of me and my brother may have helped her get through emotionally, but my Dad has been the physical embodiment of love and support. I don't want to romanticize a very difficult time, because there were moments when they were both extremely frustrated and tired and upset, but I've learned more about love and family in this past year than my entire life.

My parents have been through a lot since they got married in 1968, and this past year, their 50th together, may have been the toughest. Many people say "I'd do anything for you," but how many really mean it. Will they go to the hospital or nursing home for hours every day, week after week? Will they help their partner go to the bathroom and eat and get dressed every day?

Through my parents, I have witnessed and felt real, deep, enduring love. Sometimes it's intimidating because I don't know if I'm capable of it; at the same time, it is illuminating and inspiring. I'm lucky to have an amazing partner in my life and I can only aspire to give her as much love and support as my parents have given to me and to each other. 

Last year around this time my mom was getting surgery on her spine. She was still walking then. At the time, I couldn't help but focus on the unpleasant possibilities. I was scared and knew it would be a tough recovery. I had no idea how rough it would get. She hasn't walked since. 

6 months later, when I wrote A Coma for Christmas, I was even deeper into negative thoughts. However, seeing my mom fighting to recover forced me to overcome that negativity. I tried to end the poem on somewhat of a positive note; I thought if I put it out in the public, maybe it would sink in privately. I honestly didn't share the subdued optimism that I expressed in the poem. In fact, I was hesitant to publish it because I thought it was too hopeful and I was sure something horrible was going to happen once I pressed the "Publish" button. And then a few weeks later she was back in the hospital and I took it as proof that I should never have any optimism whatsoever.

But she's still here. She's still her. And for half a century, my Dad has been the rock beside her.  

One of my tattoos states "The struggle is the blessing." It's not always easy to remember that, but it's a vital truth. Life is struggle. It's amazing anybody gets through the day. But this life is all we have, and we need to find a reason to keep fighting, to keep struggling. 

My parents have shown me that love is the most powerful reason.

Happy 50th Anniversary Mom and Dad. Your love is one for the ages. Thank you. I love you.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Ten Years Gone (Holding On)

I've been working at Pathways/Senderos for 10 years. Before working there, I had never been at a job for longer than 2 years. It's the best youth program I've ever come across, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

Me, 2008

This is Pathways 25th year. It's rather incredible that a small non-profit in New Britain has lasted so long, especially considering the state budget cuts over the last few years. It's a testament to the staff, the board, and the program's methodology. If our program didn't work, we would never receive the support we do from the community and from funders. Good programs lose funding and disappear all the time, though, so our board and staff deserve a lot of credit for the work they put in.

I wrote about the Founder of Pathways, my former boss Roseanne, when she passed away last year. She built the program from the ground up and received national recognition for her work. She laid the groundwork for the agency and to this day we are still benefiting from a lot of what she did.

When she left, it would have been very easy (and common) for the agency to collapse. Many folks were worried that we wouldn't survive.

Thankfully, the people who had worked so hard to get the program to its high level of success continued to do the same when she retired. Staff and volunteers provided guidance and assistance to students, and the board of directors ensured that staff members had the support needed to move forward and determine the future direction of the program. Most importantly, the two staff members (Nick and Heather) who had been at the agency the longest, and who were personally selected to secede Roseanne, worked harder than ever in their new roles of Co-Executive Directors to provide the same level of service to our boys and girls.

There were certainly difficulties. Receiving less funding every year because of state budget cuts hasn't helped, yet we have managed to find other funding by diversifying our donor base. Even though we haven't been able to take as many field trips or buy as much food for students, we are structurally and financially secure. We are collaborating with more programs and agencies throughout the city and expanding our impact even further.

When Nick and Heather took over as Directors, we had to pull off a 20th Anniversary Gala that was more than halfway through the planning stages. It could've gone horribly wrong, which would've been extremely embarrassing, since legislators, community agencies, alumni, funders, and our supporters had already RSVP'd.

However, it went incredibly well. We raised money, celebrated our successes, and reassured people that the agency was going to be just fine.

The night of the Gala, UConn was playing in the NCAA tournament, and we had the game on. This was the year Shabazz Napier was a Senior and Kevin Ollie had taken over as coach for Jim Calhoun. UConn had been suspended the year before, a lot of players left once Calhoun was out, and the future of UConn basketball was looking abysmal; yet Ollie and Napier silenced all doubters and won the title. After it happened, I was going to write a blog post about how Heather and Nick were like Ollie, successfully taking over a historic franchise from a well-known, accomplished leader. At the time it was a great metaphor; it would've been one of my best posts! But considering recent happenings with the UConn Men's basketball team and Kevin Ollie, I'm glad I didn't write it. The metaphor didn't really hold up because UConn Men's basketball is failing miserably and we've just gotten better and better.

It's safe to say that Pathways is in good hands. Since our 20th Anniversary, we have continued to see the same success; in fact, more of our graduates are going to (and completing) college. We recently held a 25th Anniversary, which was even better than the 20th.

We love what we do. More than ever, the program is a manifestation of that love. It helps that I work with one of my best friends, and I think our friendship greatly affects the program (how it is run, the atmosphere at the Center). It also helps that all of our staff members care about the program, the kids, and each other.
We call the Center a "parallel family" for a reason; we're not just a building where kids hang out after school. We are another family for these kids, sometimes the only one they have. Our family includes our staff, our kids, volunteers, board members, and graduates. It is an expansive support system for everyone involved and it goes well beyond academic assistance and sex education.

We always tout our stats (100% high school graduation, 80% go on to higher education, 94% working, etc.) because they are great, but there's much more behind the numbers. All of us, from staff to board to volunteers, have made meaningful, lifelong connections with many of our participants throughout the years. I'm a former student's Godfather! Technically, Confirmation Sponsor but still.

I have been extremely lucky to work at Pathways for so long. No matter how long I'm here, I want the program to continue on forever. I'm proud to say that we run an agency that  has been proven to help children succeed in school, careers, and life in general. The work that we have done has created a foundation that can and should be sustained and replicated for as long as children need support and guidance.

Me with my Pathways Family at our 25th Anniversary, 2018

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.