Eulogy for Mom

Funeral for Marie Farr Elterich

Friday, March 8, 2024

St. Mark The Evangelist Church, West Hartford, CT

In honor of my mom, please consider donating to the Michael J. Fox Foundation.

Eulogy by Geoff Elterich

Well this was one way to get me back in church, Mom...

Strength. Everyone talked about how strong my mother was. And everyone is right. I just wish she didn’t have to be so strong. She went through so much, even before she had Parkinson's. She was a Special Ed teacher, in Hartford, in the 80s and 90s. That’s tough. Then she fought Parkinson's for 27 years. Among other things. I had totally forgotten that she had breast cancer at one point. Around the same time, she had major surgery on her spine. Then later in that same year, she basically died.

But she came back. Miracle Marie.

 
And almost as soon as she got home, after being in a coma then being in the hospital for over a month, she wanted to go out to eat at the Corner Pug, because she wasn’t gonna let this thing make her miss out on living. Her life was not going to be defined by her illness. So we took her out. I was terrified the whole time, thinking something bad was gonna happen, but she just went along like no big deal. That’s how she was. It wasn’t good enough to just be alive, she wanted to keep living, and she wasn’t gonna let anything stop her. She wanted to make the most of her time here, doing the things she loved. Spending time with her family and friends. 

Her life, especially the last 7 years or so was really tough on a daily basis, but there were great moments, and that’s what living is about, creating and experiencing those moments that live on and make everything else worth it.
 
When a lot of people think of someone who is strong they often think of someone who doesn’t show emotions. But if you know my mom, you know that is far from the truth. She cried. A lot. She embraced her emotions, and that made her stronger.
 
And of course, my dad made her stronger. Ken. The Rock. The most beautiful yet saddest thing I've seen in my life is their relationship. That’s the paradox of life though, right? Beauty and cruelty both coexisting. But through it all they had each other.
 
And it wasn’t just my dad. My aunt Jane, Bob and Diana, Mike, our cousins. Our family is strength. and beyond that she had such a strong community behind her. You can really tell a lot about somebody by their friends, and her friends are so amazing. I know it was not easy at times to see her going through it. but friends visited the hospital, at home, took her out to eat or to a play. her friends still showed up. And that meant the world to me and the world to her and my dad.
 
She always wanted to create moments with the ones she loved. Moments to remember, moments to bond with each other. Hosting parties for family and friends, Birthday parties for me and mike, later for her granddaughters, who meant the world to her. Holidays, we all know how much she liked Christmas. Some might say a little too much. The santa figurines. The singing toys. Dad maybe we can get rid of all the singing toys now? 
 
My mom loved traveling, camping, going to the beach, creating moments.
 
She also loved quiet moments. She taught me the love of a good book and a cat on your lap. She taught me so much. She taught me how to teach, and how to advocate for students.
 
And almost a year ago to this day, she was at my wedding. Thanks for the anniversary gift mom. Gotta make it about her right?!? I know she was so happy the whole year leading up to it, and then she was crying through the whole thing. Tears of joy of course. Because she knew I was in good hands. And our mother son dance...I'm just so happy I got to create that moment for her because she created so many for me.
 
Mom. Mother. Wife. Sister. Daughter. Grandmother. Aunt. Teacher. Friend. Den mother. Leader. Fighter. Horrible singer. Let’s be real here. I can say it because I'm her son. But that didn’t stop her did it? She loved it. She once told me when it comes to singing “whatever you do, sing loud. May not be good. But they’ll hear you. And you'll know you gave it your best.” It took me a while to understand that, and to appreciate it. I couldn't help but to eventually admire it. 

But yeah, as a kid, Mom singing was the worst thing that could happen. But she loved it and wasn’t gonna let anyone stop her. She'd even force you to sing with her. She wanted to tap in to that communal spirit. Christmas carols around the block, songs before Christmas dinner. 

And the cruel irony is, when the Parkinson's got worse, it took her voice, it took her singing away. And as much as I hated her singing for so long, especially when she did it to wake me up for school, these last few years I wanted nothing more than to hear her sing again. So it goes.

 
And so to honor her legacy, I wanted to give her one last sing along. One last moment with my mom that can live on within all of us. This is one of her favorite songs and she wanted it sung at her funeral so, here you go mom. Will the Circle Be Unbroken.
 
I'm gonna do my best, so bear with me, but thankfully I have my rock, my strength. Another thing mom taught me was to choose your friends and your partner well. I think I did. Just so happens she's a teacher, and her birthday is two days apart from my mom's.
 
So we're gonna start it off and try to set the melody and pace, and I'd love it if you could all join in. Nice and loud so Mom can hear you.

Will the Circle Be Unbroken
 
I was standing by my window
On one cold and cloudy day
When I saw that hearse come rolling
For to carry my mother away

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

I said to that undertaker
Undertaker please drive slow
For this lady you are carrying
Lord, I hate to see her go

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

Oh, I followed close behind her
Tried to hold up and be brave
But I could not hide my sorrow
When they laid her in the grave

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. Bye, Mom. 

Cody, The Golden Boy, A Perfect Companion

The other day I walked into my parents' house, and for the first time in 13 years, I was not greeted by a playful bark, a wagging tail, and a joyful mass of golden fur pressing against my legs. That’s when it really hit me. Cody is gone.

Cody was my parents’ dog, a Golden Retriever/Chow Chow mix, and he was beautiful. Long, soft golden hair, with curls around the ears, and a purple spotted tongue usually hanging out of his smiling mouth. He was exactly the type of dog you imagine when you want to get a dog. Loyal, loving, playful, chill, obedient, handsome, sweet, friendly, fluffy. A perfect companion.  

He was the first dog my parents got after I moved out, so I never lived with him, but he always made their house feel like it was still home. Soon after they got him, it was like he had always been a part of our family. He would get so excited when I visited, rushing to the door and positioning himself between my legs so I would rub his head and butt at the same time.

Last year, he was diagnosed with cancer. I was sure he was going to die, because it was 2020 and nothing good could possibly happen. I was preparing for the heartbreak, but I was really more concerned about my parents, especially my Dad. With the pandemic, my mom in a wheelchair and suffering from Parkinson’s, and a cold winter setting in, this was the last thing he needed. It was too cruel. But my dad didn’t give up, and neither did Cody. He underwent treatment for the cancer, and although it wasn’t easy—he lost some weight, he coughed stuff up—he made it.

It took a lot out of him, though, and he was almost 14 years old. His hind legs had been bothering him for a while, and by mid-May, they had completely given out. He couldn’t walk. He deserved comfort and peace. It was time to let him go. So my Dad, merciful as always, brought him to the vet and let him transition.

My family always had great dogs. Ramses, a Golden Retriever, died a couple years after I was born. All I remember is that he was a good boy. Tuffy, another Golden, was there for my entire childhood and helped shape who I am almost as much as my parents did. He was anything but “tuff”, by the way. A sweet, fluffy boy. A real good dog. We got Dakota soon after we moved to West Hartford, when I was living at home, going to high school, and my brother was away at college. I was in a new town, in a new school, by myself. And I was a teenager. It was a time of great change, and Dakota helped me through it. He was a giant white horse of a pooch who would chase deer all over the golf course. A handsome, independently minded, but needy and loving pooch. Another good boy. He was too much for his previous owners’ to handle, but perfect for us. 

While we had Dakota, my parents raised a Fidelco guide dog for a year. Rachel was a good dog. It was an interesting experience because we had to (try to) maintain an emotional distance since she wasn’t staying long. That didn’t stop us from loving her. When she was done with training, she provided her services to an elderly woman with bad sight. After many years, Rachel retired, and she actually came back to live with my parents. Sadly, she passed away soon after. That entire experience taught me a lot about the process of fostering and doing something for the greater good. And it really made me admire my parents. Not many people are willing to sacrifice their time and efforts for others. Although, they did get all the benefits of a kind, loving dog for a year, so they made out pretty well, too.

Dakota and Rachel, before she started working.

Cody and Rachel, after her retirement, with Sophie, my brother's dog. She was a good girl, too.

Then there was Cody. The sweetest dog. He did more in his life than most people. Literally. My dad brought him to nursing homes to volunteer as a comfort dog. And of course, he worked as an unofficial comfort pet at home, helping to get my parents through some tough years. He was a constant presence, always by my Dad’s side.

Even on vacation in Florida.

At the beginning of this year, as the fear of Cody dying from cancer started to subside, we were blindsided by the sudden sickness and death of our kitty, Nola. It was devastating. She was only 11 months old, but the impact she made on our lives was immeasurable. Not having any other pets to comfort us only made it worse. Thankfully, Cody was there whenever I visited my parents, or when they visited us. It was almost as if he stayed around to get my parents though the winter and to help me through Nola’s death. Even in the short moments I saw him, he brought such great comfort.

We also took some comfort in remembering the two encounters between Cody and Nola. He was the one dog she ever met, and no surprise, Cody was great with her. He let her get close and sniff, and he didn’t even mind when she stalked the floor by my mom, looking for scraps of food. Nola had never met any other animals, and very few people, but she met Cody, the best the world had to offer. 

One of my favorite pics. Their first meeting, during our Christmas celebration at our new house. 

It’s hard to believe that Cody and Nola are both gone. I don’t believe in an afterlife so I won't say, “they’re playing together in Heaven now,” or something like that. I have nothing against people who say or believe that. I wish I could believe it! It’s just not how I view the world, or how I envision death. But Cody and Nola will always be connected in my memories, and even though it is heartbreaking that they are only memories now, I’m happy they are together in my mind and in my heart. 

Cody also met our new kitties, Zoli and Bijoux. I'd like to think there was some kind of transference of energy from Nola to Cody to them. Like, she met him, then he met them, and there was a connection established through Cody, as if he was a conduit of life that let her spirit continue on in them. I'd like to think that. That's my vision of the afterlife.

Cody also met our dragon, Puff! And guess what? He was great with him, and the kitties, too. Because Cody was great with everybody, and everything. Old people, kids, other animals. He was just a real good boy.

Miss you buddy.

What a beautiful boy. 

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Aeris & Nola and the Cruel Tragedy of FIP

Aeris is a short film I recently watched from 2018. It is excellent...and it broke me. 

Less than 3 months ago, our precious kitten Nola passed away. My girlfriend and I were devastated. We still are. Our sweet Nola succumbed to Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP) a rare, fatal disease with no cure that almost exclusively affects kittens. It’s actually caused by a feline coronavirus. Yeah. Fucking coronavirus. I read a lot about the disease after her diagnosis, and continued to read about it after her death. It was so cruel it didn’t seem real. This disease we had never heard of, which affects less than 1 in 5000 cats, stole our baby’s life.

At some point in my reading, I learned of a short film about a young couple and their kitten with FIP. As I read the description of the film, I knew it would be heartbreaking to watch. I also knew I had to watch it. I told my girlfriend about it, and after putting it off for a while, we watched it the other day.

I was right. It was heartbreaking. But I was also right that we needed to watch it, and I’m glad we did.

A young man buys a kitten from a small pet store. “The runt of the litter,” the sketchy lady who owns the store tells him. He buys it as a gift for his girlfriend, who is allergic to cats. She is upset when she comes home and sees the kitten. He assures her it is hypoallergenic. Soon, she falls in love with the kitten. They both do. They name it Aeris. It’s a cute white cat with some grey marks. It’s lovable and playful, but doesn’t eat much. Then it has some accidents on the bed. They take it to the vet. The vet feels its belly and becomes concerned. She draws fluid from its belly. The fluid is yellow. The vet says she is worried that the kitten has FIP. She says the only treatment is euthanasia.

They can’t believe it. How could this be? She must be wrong. But the cat is definitely sick. The guy goes to the pet store and yells at the owner, who swears she’d never sell a sick kitten. They take the kitten to another vet, who tells them the first vet could’ve made a mistake. Maybe she drew fluid from its bladder and not its stomach. The fluid was probably just urine, he tells them. The cat seems happy, so everything’s probably fine. They are reassured. Hopeful.

But the kitten is still not eating. It’s lethargic. The young woman learns about some homeopathic treatment and tries it out. The kitten seems to respond positively.

But not for long. One morning the guy wakes up to hear the kitten meowing oddly. He finds it under the bed having a seizure. They freak out and rush to the vet, the one who said the cat was fine. He realizes the cat is most definitely not fine. Its organs are shutting down. It likely has FIP. The only option...euthanasia. They put their kitten down.

It’s a simple yet heartbreaking story, and although I cried through the whole thing, I also found it somewhat comforting. Besides a few different details, it basically depicted the exact experience that my girlfriend and I went through. We brought our kitten to the vet, thinking a little medicine or something would be all it needed. Our vet told us it was possible she had FIP, and that euthanasia might be the only option. We had never heard of FIP, and certainly never imagined losing our kitten before it turned a year old. She couldn’t have a fatal disease with no cure. Impossible.

The main difference between our stories is that in the movie, the kitten is sick from the first day, and it died 12 days after they got it. We had Nola for 9 months, and she was healthy for the vast majority of that time. One of the reasons FIP is so odious is that it can be in the system for months or even a couple years without any signs before turning fatal. I’m so thankful for that time, but that is partly why her illness was such a shock to us. She seemed fine for so long, and all of a sudden…she wasn’t. All because of a virus that she got months earlier, before we even met her.

Another big difference is that Aeris had fluid in her belly. Nola had fluid in her lungs. There are two types of FIP, wet or dry, both fatal. But they are more like two ends of the spectrum, because in some cases, a cat might have symptoms of both. The belly is more noticeable and often causes kittens to lose control of their bodily functions. The fluid in the chest obviously affects the breathing. But both types build up slowly, then reach a tipping point and get progressively worse very quickly. The symptoms start off vague, like eating and playing less, then become much more severe. It’s almost a good thing that the symptoms are not noticeable early on because early detection would not help treat it. So you would know the kitten is terminally ill for a longer period of time without being able to do anything about it. Looking back, we appreciate that we were blissfully ignorant of what was about to happen. She may have been sick for a month or more, but besides the last 10 days or so, she seemed like the healthiest, happiest cat in the world.

So it was a shock to us, and everything felt so surreal. I couldn’t even process what the vet told me when she mentioned “fatal disease” and “euthanasia.” For the rest of the night after that first vet visit, I was in a fog of disbelief and anger and fear.

Then, the next day, just like the couple in the movie, we had hope that our girl was going to be okay. At that point, it was still possible she had some other infection. Maybe it was just me trying to convince myself, but I was feeling positive. In the movie, they try homeopathic medicine to get the kitten to eat. We gave her the medicine from the vet to boost her appetite and treat her fever. We tried all different types of food and treats. She was lethargic and didn’t eat much, but there was no way she could be terminally ill. Something told me she would be fine.

After a few days, when she didn’t get any better and still didn’t eat, we looked into an experimental treatment for FIP. Our vet told us that this treatment has been showing “some promise” in curing FIP. But it is not FDA regulated or permitted for use by vets, and it’s only available on the black market. So there’s no way of knowing whether you’re getting what it claims to be or some knockoff. Plus, even if it is the real thing, it still has a very low success rate. Like, basically negligible. I researched it and even reached out to a group on Facebook. In my brief conversation with a representative of the group, it didn’t feel like they would be much help. They asked a bunch of questions and didn’t even mention the treatment. It felt more like a support group than a realistic solution. And our baby was starting to rapidly decline. There was no more hope.

When the girl uses the homeopathic medicine in the movie, it seems to have some positive effects. A part of me thought the kitten was going to make it, and that made me upset. I felt bad for being upset, but I couldn’t help it. For a moment, I thought this treatment would work, and the movie would turn into a commercial for this black market medicine. I got legitimately angry and worried. I felt like I was rooting for the kitten to die.

Grief is a fucked up thing, man.

Obviously, in real life I would want any cat to survive. But I couldn’t stand the thought of this fictional kitten surviving the same disease that killed our Nola.

Regardless, the medicine did not help Aeris. I was relieved, then immediately overcome with sadness. Now I desperately wanted this kitten to survive.

Seriously, grief is fucked up.

One thing we didn’t experience was the seizure. I really felt the characters’ heartache and concern and anxiety. In her final days, Nola was breathing hard, not eating, and clearly uncomfortable. We were so worried she would suffer a painful death, or something like a seizure. It was unbearable to even contemplate. Thankfully, when we brought her to the vet that final time and helped her transition, she seemed to be at peace. And unlike the couple in the movie, we had a couple days with her to say goodbye before we let her go. In some ways, I feel that made it harder; we got the extra time with her, but we knew her fate was sealed. Her imminent death was hanging over us. I’m still glad we got that extra time, though. It sucks either way, I suppose. Fuck FIP.

It was a traumatic experience and we’re still struggling with it. She was our baby, and we poured ourselves into loving and caring for her. And we felt so alone in dealing with this. We felt like the only people who had ever gone through it. So it was slightly reassuring to know that this is something that happens, and it happens to undeserving people and animals. It was not a bad dream. It was not a punishment. It was not a result of something we did wrong. It was simply a horrible disease that she most likely contracted from other kittens in the foster home that rescued her. Since we had never heard of FIP…and it’s so rare…and Nola was just a kitten…and she seemed so healthy throughout her life…it was impossible to accept. When we had to put her down, it was so hard to believe it was actually happening. But it did happen. As it happens to hundreds of other kittens and kitten parents.

It’s still fucking horrible, though.

We cremated Nola with her favorite blanket. Her ashes sit on our fireplace mantle in a small urn with one of my favorite pictures of her looking out at us. In the film, they bury Aeris at the girl’s parents’ farm. In the final scene, they are at the grave, crying and reminiscing. As the girl walks back towards the house, she sees a cat on the porch. A faint smile crosses her face. The movie ends.

Soon, we will pick up our new kitten. We are heartbroken, and we will always miss Nola. She will always be a part of us. It has been hard to even think about getting a new cat. We just want our Nola. But that’s not possible. We can’t go back. Time marches forward. Life goes on. Etc. etc. Moving forward is the only option, so we need to start a new journey with a new pet. We got a bearded dragon a month ago because we needed something to love and focus our attention on, but we weren’t ready for a cat. Puff has been great, and he’s helped us heal. Now, we are ready to love another kitten.

Well, not “read” exactly. But willing. It still hurts to think that the only reason we are getting this kitten is that we lost our baby. Na’s presence is still present, in our home and our hearts. It always will be, and we will always cherish her memory, but we can’t let the pain of her loss prevent us from being happy and loving another pet. To honor Nola and our experience with her, we are going to put that same amount of love and energy into caring for another kitten, another innocent little creature who needs us. Nola was so unique and amazing and nothing can replace her, but she showed us how much we love caring for a pet, and we want that again. We wish it was her, but it can’t be. So we have to believe that another kitten will bring a new, different-yet-equal love to our lives. This love doesn’t exist yet, so it’s hard to imagine. But our love for Nola didn’t exist before we got her, and eventually, it turned into a love that we couldn’t imagine life without.

It’s awful that this movie even had to exist, but I’m glad it does because I know that we are not alone in losing our beautiful baby to this awful disease. And after seeing what could have happened, I know that we did the right thing in letting her go before the pain really set in. We had to protect her, and we couldn’t bear her suffering any more.

I appreciate the filmmakers sharing their story. The film is based on the experience that the young man and woman in the film actually went through. As the guy said in an interview, despite her brief time with them Aeris quite literally changed their lives. He says that Aeris taught them how to love. My girlfriend and I feel similar about Nola. We had a deep love for each other before her, but she took that love to another level and showed us things about ourselves and each other that we would have never known otherwise. Her life, and her death, brought us closer together. It’s hard to explain what it was like going through this, but this film captures it well, and I’m grateful for that.

I also appreciate the vets who are upfront and honest, as difficult as that may be. I understand the urge to offer comfort and hope, but as pet owners, we deserve and need honesty more than anything. Don’t give me false hope, and don’t put an animal through pain and anguish just to make the owners feel better for a few days. As Kurt Vonnegut says, there are fates worse than death. As hard as it is to accept, sometimes death is a necessary release. We hated to let Nola go, but we are comforted by the fact that we helped to release her from her pain and transition to an eternal sleep, where she can rest peacefully in the sunbeams.

RIP Nola. RIP Aeris.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Requiem for Nola

 

You came into our lives

At a time of great chaos 

And pain

And brought us great peace 

And joy.

Rescued from a life astray

Placed into my hands

"Here is your kitten"

And there you were 

Ours.

Instantly.

Love at first purr.

The sweetest thing.

Pure.

Innocent. 

Beautiful.  

Your mere presence 

Brought a level of comfort

And connectedness

We didn’t know existed.

Your first night with us

The first night of our new lives

You slept 

Curled on my chest.

Never would I have guessed

Less than a year later

You’d give your last breath

Curled on my chest.

For 9 months

Like a child

Growing inside a womb

You thrived and grew

Inside our bubble

Inside our hearts

Into more than a pet

A companion

Imbued with the best of us

A living symbol

An embodiment

Of our love.

A fatal virus took you from us

As a fatal virus takes so much

From us all.

A cruel irony.

A cruel reminder

Of the temporary

Ephemeral

Fleeting nature

Of existence.

Of beauty.

I hope we brought you

The comfort and peace 

In death

That you brought us 

In life.

I hope that in your tragically short life

We gave you the joy

The complete sense of contentment

And sanctuary

That you gave us.

It just doesnt make sense.

I dont want your life

To be some lesson

I just want to hold you

Bury my face in your soft

Warm fur

And feel the harsh

Cold world 

Fade away.

I want to watch you

Stretch your black-striped legs

With your snow white paws

Over Amy’s shoulder.

I still feel you when I wake up

Snuggled against my thigh.

But you’re just a dream now

Slipping away

As I reach for your soft fur.

Were you ever really here?

Did something so good

So pure

So innocent

So beautiful

Really exist in this world?

Can a pet mean so much

And have such an impact

In such a short time?

Maybe your life 

Was always 

Just a dream

And I just

Don’t want to 

Wake up.

At a time of great loss

A time of great distance

You brought us closer together

You filled a void

You helped us get by

In a year 

When so many 

Did not.

You made our new house a home

And made our lives whole.

My little buddy.

Her little girl.

Our baby. 

Sweet Nola.

You shined like the sunbeams

That you always found

That always found you

Because light attracts light

And your light was the brightest.

In its absence 

A profound darkness.

The void that you filled

Has returned

Grown deeper

And left us broken

Yet somehow 

More together 

Than ever

Because we experienced

Your life

Your light

Together

As one.

Your beautiful spirit lives on 

In us

More than a memory

A fiber of our being.

You were our heart

And in our hearts

You will always remain

Our sweet Nola. 

-

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

13 Things I Love About Die Hard

1. Action movie Revival and Revolution. It’s not hyperbole to say this movie changed action movies forever. The 80s saw giant musclebound invincible mega stars indiscriminately killing off nameless bad guys in one ridiculous plot after another. And then, after this came out, we saw endless variations of the Die Hard format. “Die Hard on a ____” was an entire genre. A flawed, underdog hero overcomes insurmountable odds to defeat a brilliant villain in an isolated environment. Die Hard on a ship.  Die Hard on a bus. Die Hard on a mountain. They’re still using the formula. In 2011, The Raid: Redemption literally did Die Hard in a high rise building. If you’ll notice, that’s just Die Hard! But it was in Indonesia, and it was awesome, too!

Ironically, after Die Hard 2: Die Harder (great name) the Die Hard series moved away from its own formula. Die Hard With a Vengeance (3) is really good, and it brings back a Gruber, but the isolated environment…is New York City. Not really the same. We don’t talk about 4 and 5.

Many of the Die Hard imitators were good (Under Siege, Speed, Cliffhanger…all great!) because the format was so brilliant, but nothing really reached the level of the originator. Its greatness didn’t stop at the plot, it had all of the other factors that make a classic, too.

The action starts 10 minutes in and never lets up, and that’s a big reason it’s so much fun. But the character development is what differentiates this from the imitators, and in those first ten minutes, every moment and every line works to set up the rest of the movie perfectly, so that all of the action becomes meaningful and resonates on a human level. There’s no personal connection to Schwarzenegger in Commando or Predator, he’s barely human! Rocky started as an average guy, but by the 4^th one, he was a cartoon superhero. But John McClane is an everyman, an ordinary, hard working American, and every character in the film feels real. The scene where McClane and Takagi walk in on Ellis doing coke and then Holly comes in (“show him the watch!”) tells us so much about all those characters and the situation, and even foreshadows the finale (“I’m sure I’ll see it later”). That level of cohesion and depth of meaning between character and action is rare, and its why Die Hard remains the pinnacle of action cinema.

And I don’t know if it was the first movie I learned about c-4 explosives, but I do know that c-4 explosives were in every action movie after this. When I was 10 years old, I was sure I would die from a c-4 plastique explosion. What I’m saying is, Hollywood misled me about the preponderance of c-4 explosives.

2. Cop culture. The movie is not without its flaws, but they’re more a reflection of societal flaws than flaws with the movie itself. Die Hard explains a lot about how Americans view police, and while there is a lot of truth to its portrayal of cops and policing, it also served to reinforce very problematic views.  

The heroes of the movie are an NYPD officer and an LAPD officer. This is hardly the first or only movie with a cop as protagonist; in fact, there is an overwhelming amount of movies and shows featuring hero cops. Positive police propaganda in entertainment has helped produce a culture of hero worship towards law enforcement. The police are also on the receiving end of McClane’s ridicule, so that provides a nice balance at least. Unfortunately, the character of McClane promotes the idea of the super-effective “loose cannon”: the tough talking, rule bending cop who defies bureaucracy to get the job done when nobody else can. Rules and regulations are for chumps, the bosses and lawmakers don’t know what they’re doing, and if we just let good cops do what they gotta do, everything will work out!

There are so many police tropes in this movie. There’s the contempt for the bosses, the media, and especially for federal agents, who have jurisdiction over everybody and think they are so high and mighty, but really don’t have a clue. None of these things take away from the movie though, because it never feels generic or formulaic, everything feels true to life. A testament to the writing. The rapport of Special Agents Johnson and Johnson is hilarious. There’s also a sly critique of the Vietnam War. The older agent mentions Saigon when they are flying in the helicopter, and moments later, they get blown up because they got into a situation they didn’t really understand. Before they went in, one mentions that 25% of the civilians might die. The other responds, “I’m ok with that.” A look into the minds of the Deep State.  

And then of course, there’s Sergeant Al Powell. He’s a lovable cop who is smarter than his boss and wants to do the right thing. He’s a kindhearted, gentle soul who…wait, he killed a little kid? What the fuck, Al? Staying true to life, he was never arrested, or fired, or even suspended. But hey, he’s been punished severely, ok? He has to work at a desk! The horror! And he’s really torn up about what he did. The guy can’t even bring himself to shoot anyone else! If he can’t kill people, is he even a cop? He also kinda blames the kid for being out at night. Instead of feeling any sympathy for the kid or the kid’s family, we are asked—forced—to sympathize with this guy. The real tragedy is that a good cop is being unfairly punished!

In the end, when he shoots down the massive Austrian, it’s a powerful moment not only because he saved the day, but because he was able to shoot his gun again. He’s back baby! Fuck you, kid! That is Al’s character arc. He was sad after killing an innocent kid, he couldn’t do his job correctly (which obviously entails frequently firing a gun) but his friendship with another cop allowed him to kill again. Sweet.  

Ultimately, the movie’s view of Powell reflects how a lot of people view killer cops. It was an accident. He didn’t mean it. He’s a really good guy underneath it all, and he has a tough job. Can’t we forgive and forget? Well, yes, obviously. That’s exactly what happens, every time. The cop avoids any real accountability, we don’t ever think about the victim again, and the cycle continues. Sometimes I wish this movie wasn’t so damn good because that’s pretty fucked up!

3. Christmas theme. The big debate…that actually doesn’t matter one bit. That’s why it’s so fun! Honestly, who cares if it’s a “Christmas movie”? Watch whatever the hell you want, whenever you want. I call this a Christmas movie because I love Christmas, I love Die Hard, and I love watching Die Hard around Christmas. It’s simple. Also, Christmas is prevalent in the background of the film, it is a major part of the plot, and ultimately, the movie is about a husband and wife rekindling the fire of their marriage during the holiday season. It hits all the notes.

McClane is traveling to LA because he wants to be with his wife and kids on Christmas. He meets his wife at her office’s Christmas party. There are Christmas decorations everywhere, there’s a Santa suit in a pivotal scene, Christmas music plays throughout (the very first song of the movie is “Christmas in Hollis”) and of course, there’s a bearded Prussian man exclaiming, “Ho…Ho…Ho.” After the guy opens the safe, he exclaims, “Merry Christmas”. (The safecracker has a lot of great lines, especially when he narrates the security video of the police trying to get in the building.)

To end the movie, John says, “Merry Christmas, Argyle” as Let it Snow plays over the credits and the reunited couple happily kiss as they return home to their family. At every crucial juncture of the movie, Christmas is either directly mentioned or referenced in the background. That’s more than just a movie that takes place around Christmas, that is a full-fledged Christmas movie. Fa la la la la, motherfucker.  

4. Bromance/Romance. This is a real MAN movie, a modern day Western, but deep down…it is overflowing with romance. As I already stated, McClane’s entire motivation is to get back with his wife, and in the end, he drives off with his wife, happy. The sun rises over their limo as they kiss. Romantic as hell.

He has finally realized what is most important in the world, but he is only able to do so after forging a strong relationship with another guy. McClane opens up to Al about himself and his marriage, which brings them closer, and allows John to reflect on his failures as a husband. They also share the most powerful moment of unbridled bromance ever captured on film.

John and Al have great lines and chemistry every time they talk, but they are still essentially strangers. They have never really met. Their discussions are like Zoom calls; they can be very meaningful exchanges, but it’s just not the same as seeing your friends in person. Nothing can replace a Bro Hug. Then, when the evil has finally been defeated, and John knows that Holly is safe…they finally meet. The joy and the MAN love is palpable. I get goose bumps just thinking about it. The way they catch each other’s eyes from across the parking lot, and they just know. The head nods. The smiles. The relieved, almost delirious, laughter. The hug. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m not crying.  

5. It’s my Dad’s favorite movie. One of them at least. This is a highly personal reason for loving this movie, but it’s also connected to reason #4.

Most guys enjoy action movies, so it’s no surprise we both love the movie. Christmas is a big holiday for our family, and since this is clearly a Christmas movie, we tend to talk about it every year. So it reinforces our bond even more than Christmas itself does. We discussed it the other day, actually. I mentioned that Al Powell isn’t the great guy everyone thinks he is. He killed a kid! My dad said, “well, true…but maybe the kid deserved it? What was he doing out at night?” So if you ever wonder where I get my sense of humor, there you go.

Christmas is my mom’s favorite holiday, but she always loved It’s a Wonderful Life. I hate that movie. So while we share the love for Christmas and Santa and decorations and Christmas carols and turkey and each other, we don’t really connect on that one. To be fair, she loves Die Hard, too. Just not like my Dad and I.

A love between father and son, and males in general, is often unspoken. Few words are needed to express our feelings. So, when guys see Al and John meet at the end of the movie, and their love for each other is so deep it doesn’t need to be verbally expressed, we feel that in our souls. Women, I don’t know if you can relate, but it’s probably something like when you and your friends sync menstrual cycles. I’m guessing here. Sorry.

My father and I love each other, and we love this movie, a movie that exalts the beauty and values of male bonding, which reinforces our bond even more. Thank you, John McTiernan.  

My dad’s love for the movie also reinforces my view of him as John McClane. McClane isn’t a great father figure per se, so it’s not a direct comparison, but he is a symbol of masculinity that allows for faults, and even a modicum of sensitivity. He’s a flawed man, but he’s trying his best to do right. He is a modern day hero. He is my Dad. With more guns, and less hair.  

6. John McLane. The name is synonymous with badass, and its often used as a sarcastic remark directed at someone acting overly tough. “Oh, look at John McClane, over here.” “Relax, John McClane.” I think it took the place of Dirty Harry in that regard.  

It seems so obvious that this movie and this character were gonna be a huge hit, but that was not the case when it came out. Bruce Willis was a tv star, not a movie star, and at the time, there was a stigma against tv stars. If a movie star showed up in a tv show, his career was clearly going downhill, and it was rare for a tv star to make the direct jump to starring in movies. Willis was also far from the typical action star at the time. In 1988, the other top action movies featured Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Steven Seagal. Seagal and Van Damme were “martial artists”, Schwarzenegger and Stallone were hulking, muscular killing machines. Those two actually turned down the role of McClane (The Simpson’s brilliantly depicted what it would have looked like if Arnold took the role with their “McBain” parody). Ironically, Stallone went on to later star in Die Hard on a Mountain (Cliffhanger).

So this slender, balding wiseass from tv was not predestined to be one of the biggest action stars on the planet. The character was also much different than the typical action hero. He was basically a blue collar worker, an average guy with an average build going through relationship problems, a noble but flawed hero who didn’t mow down all the bad guys at once; instead he stalked, cornered, and used his wits to take them down. And his guns and fists, sure, but in a way that made us feel we could do it, too. He got beat up almost as much as he beat them up. That is relatable. All this shit kept working against him, and he had to adapt and figure it out, instead of everything just working out for him,

Despite the image of the loose cannon hero cop which the movie helped solidify, it’s a great character. He gets easily frustrated at his wife, at the other cops, and even at the operator for not taking him seriously. “No fuckin shit lady does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?!” He cracks solid jokes, not corny one-liners. Most of the time, the lines build off something else, they are far from Arnold quotes, just puns for the sake of puns. When he says, “yippee kay yay motherfucker,” it isn’t some random catchphrase he spouted off. It was a direct response to Hans calling him a cowboy, and it’s a phrase made popular by Roy Rogers, who McClane says he is partial to over John Wayne. It’s a great line on its own, and I’ve used it randomly many times, but there is important context that deepens the meaning and impact of the quote. That’s how this whole movie works; every part is great, and every part contributes to a whole, which is even greater.

7. Hans Gruber. Alan Rickman was an unknown actor, so the likelihood that this would be an iconic performance was smaller than the chances that Bruce Willis would become a movie star. Yet, in his first movie role, he became the best action movie villain of all time. The character. The performance. Every moment is his best moment. When he walks in and calmly tells the crowd to quiet down after his men shot the place up. When he tells Takagi it would be a shame to ruin his nice suit. The way he smirks when he says, “who said we were terrorists?” His accent when he pretends to be American. The way he says yippee ki yay madafucker. Even his death scene is perfect. “Happy trails, Hans.” Happy trails, indeed, Mr. Rickman.

8. Argyle. One of the greatest names in cinematic history. I’ve never seen or met an Argyle, but I know for certain that this man is an Argyle. He’s a comic relief sidekick that adds another level of depth to the story and to the character of John McClane. He is the first one to get John to open up about his marriage, ribbing him about his separation. He is also one of the earliest examples of the cool young black guy who gives the old conservative white guy street cred (he introduces McClane to Run DMC; how had he never heard Christmas in Hollis? He lives in New York!). Once Argyle finally realizes what’s going on in the building, he even takes out a bad guy. Of course, it had to be the one black bad guy, but that’s neither here nor there.

Most of all, he is a stand-in for the audience. For the majority of the movie, he is just listening to or watching the action. When McClane says over the walkie talkie, “I’m not the one who just got buttfucked on national tv!” the camera cuts to Argyle in the limousine clapping and laughing his ass off. Basically, we are all Argyle, cheering on John McClane; and if we had the chance, we would’ve taken a bad guy out, too! And yeah, it would have also hurt our fists!

9. Holly Genarro (not McClane). Holly is a strong, independent woman, and we know that because she switched back to her maiden name for the sake of her career. That one detail tells us everything we need to know about her and her situation with John. She is in love with him, and she eventually needs him to save her, but she’s not just some damsel in distress. That stereotype is successfully subverted because her character is as well developed as the hero’s. She is smart and strong willed (how else could she get away with that perm?) and she becomes the de facto leader of the hostages after Hans kills her boss. Although she is almost always talking to a man who has some kind of power over her, she is always in control, or at least, she never backs down. She’ll even punch a dude in the face if she has to (“did you get that?). In the end, she doesn’t sacrifice her integrity as an independent woman, but she does reunite with her husband. Because this is ultimately a romantic Christmas movie.

10. Ellis. “Hans…Bubby!” The best. Ellis is a perfect parody of the 80s hotshot cokehead finance guy. He’ll just talk the problem away, and he knows better than anyone else. Of course, his big mouth and ego get him in some shit he doesn’t understand, and he doesn’t have a chance against a guy who doesn’t fall for the fast talking salesman theatrics. Hans brilliantly uses his murder to sow distrust between the police and McClane. Ellis is left with a hole in his head, and his death leaves a hole in our hearts. Goodbye, sweet coke prince.

11. Small moments that add nothing to the plot. These are moments with no real deeper meaning that don’t really move the plot forward, they just build character, or add ambiance, or they’re just fun. A lot of movies/screenwriters think everything needs to be plot-driven (think of the scenes in Marvel movies that only exist to connect to a plot point from a different Marvel movie). Some writers/directors consider these moments a waste of time, a needless digression. But people don’t watch a movie just for its plot. We want to be entertained. Not everything needs to be important or even relevant. Al getting Twinkies at the store isn’t necessary, but it’s funny, and tells us a lot about Al without overtly explaining anything. There’s no exposition about what type of guy Al is, we know when we see him with an armful of Twinkies, claiming they’re for his wife. When John arrives in LA, he sees a hot girl in stretch pants running towards him, he gets excited, then she passes and hugs her body builder boyfriend. That isn’t important, but it’s funny, and it tells us a bit about McClane (he’s a typical, testosterone fueled guy). It also tells us about the setting, and how McClane feels in this environment, far away from NYC. Similarly, when he gets to the party, a guy kisses him and says Merry Christmas. McClane says to himself, “Fucking LA”. He’s a fish out of water, a conservative New York cop in swanky, liberal LA.

Then there’s the couple having sex in the office when the terrorists bust in. The woman runs out of the room topless. That’s just a treat for the audience. It also tells us what kind of party this is, just like when we see Ellis blowing a line of coke. The world of high finance, baby!  

12. Small moments that add a lot to the plot. Sometimes, seemingly random, throwaway lines and moments end up being vital. The movie opens with McClane on a plane. His neighbor gives him a secret for dealing with flight anxiety. When you get to your hotel, take off your shoes and socks, and make fists in the carpet with your bare feet. Besides the fact that this is actually a great stress reliever, it leads to a key plot point: McClane has to go barefoot through the building while hunting for terrorists. When Gruber finds out, he utters the infamous: “shoot the glass.” From that point on, McClane’s feet are absolutely destroyed and he has to spend half his time pulling out shards of glass and looking for shoes. That random statement from a random stranger has a major impact on the main character and story.

There’s also Holly’s watch. The first time we meet Ellis, he tells John about the Rolex Holly got as a bonus. John says, “I’m sure I’ll see it later”. Of course, he does see it later, when he unclasps it from Holly’s wrist and frees her from Gruber’s grip, sending Hans to his glorious death.

When the cops first decide to raid the building, one of the cops pricks his finger on a thorn bush. He gives a dramatic “ouch” and acts like he was stabbed or hit with shrapnel. Moments later, he and his entire team are taken out by Hans’ crew. The thorns should’ve been a sign that these cops were not ready or able to do the job they were about to do.

There are so many of these moments. Another one: when Holly puts the picture of her and John flat on the desk so Hans won’t see it. She knows he would use her against John, which is exactly what Hans does when he finds out who she is because of the reporter. That then leads to her cold cocking the reporter.

Is it bad that all of the major protagonists use violence to solve their problems? Whatever. The movie is too good to worry about the societal implications. Besides, that punch feels so good. Cinematic violence is fun, what can I say. How much better would It’s a Wonderful Life be if George Bailey punched Mr Potter in the face at the end? A lot better.  

13. Sound and music. Ever notice how loud the gunfire is in this movie? It’s another small detail, but it matters. At the very least, it made for an interesting behind the scenes story. When the guy is on top of the table shooting at McClane, and McClane is under the table shooting back, the director insisted on extra loud blanks for “extra realism.” It was so real, and extra, that Bruce Willis was left with permanent hearing damage in one of his ears. That is dedication.

To set the stage, Christmas music plays throughout the movie, and the melodies of several Christmas songs are referenced in the score. Certain notes and tones are used when the villains are on screen. When we first see him, Hans Gruber is humming “Ode to Joy” in the elevator before the siege. Ode to Joy then plays several times throughout the movie, in a very low tone, building to the full symphony when the vault is opened. That’s a level of synchronicity between story, character, and music that most movies never even attempt.

By the way, Ode to Joy is considered a Christmas carol in Japan. In what building do all the events of the movie take place? That's right. Nakatomi Plaza.

Die Hard just blew your mind. Hope you didn’t ruin your suit.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.