Friday, July 28, 2017

In the End, It Does Matter



Celebrity suicides always make the news and it seems like it happens every other day.

What doesn't make the news is that 20 veterans commit suicide per day. 

Or the fact that 94 people commit suicide in America

Per day.

Is it me, or does this ridiculously high number of suicides seem like a major issue we should be addressing with more urgency?

It's a lot to ask, I know. Besides the fact that this country can't even agree on whether global warming and evolution are real, suicide is a tough subject to discuss, which further worsens the problem.

I never thought about suicide for myself thankfully, but I I try to sympathize with suicide victims and think about what it takes for someone to get to the mindset that leads to suicide.

I have had moments of depression, though. I think most people do. I don't think I've ever had "Depression," because I've known people who have and I've studied it a little (it's not just being sad, it's a real condition) but there are times when a lot of us express the symptoms. I don't think I've experienced much more severe depression than most people, yet I think I can understand the mentality that leads to suicidal thoughts. To progress and improve as a society and as a species, it's important to understand extreme mental states. 

Many times suicide is caused by a mental disorder such as Depression and it takes much more than simple willpower to overcome. Suicide or suicidal thoughts are not a sign of weakness. Even without long term or severe mental illness, suicide is not just something that can be willed away. People are in a mental state of absolute helplessness, and if they have the means or the tools, they might take that extreme step.

Suicide victims are not that much different than the rest of us and I think a lot of people are scared to admit that or maybe don't even realize how close they can be to getting to that point as well. 
In many cases, especially those not involving long term Depression, suicide is an impulsive decision. If a person stops before doing it, or if they survive an attempt, they are much less likely to try again. In fact, 9 out of 10 people who survive an attempt will not end up dying from suicide, and 70% who try it once don't ever try it again. That's why it's so important to spread awareness and to provide care to people who may end up on that path. The reality is, it could be anyone. 

A lot of people assume someone at a certain level of success or fame or fortune could never be depressed, and could certainly never commit suicide. Scores of dead celebrities prove that wrong. Robin Williams. Chris Cornell. Kurt Cobain. Plus, many drug overdoses (celebrity's favorite way to die) are calls for help, if not outright suicide attempts.

Whenever there is a high profile suicide, people throw around descriptions like cowardly or weak. Many people say, "I would never do that," as if it's some kind of competition, or as if anyone asked, but nobody really knows. Even if you would never do it, so what? The person who did commit suicide is not you. It's an entirely different person! With different DNA and different life experiences and circumstances and everything! Who are we to judge? We have no idea what they were going through; we may think suicide is never warranted but we are not in their shoes.

When I was young, our neighbor up the street took his own life. He was probably in his late 30s, with a wife and a couple of kids. He seemed happy and successful. At the wake, I heard things like, "how could he leave his kids behind." It does seem very selfish, but oftentimes, people think they are helping their family by leaving. They don't want to be a letdown or a burden. Financially, emotionally, whatever, they think they are hurting the family by continuing to live. That is not true of course, but once that mentality sets in, it can be hard to get out of. 

I also heard, "he had so much going for him." Again, even if that was true, it doesn't mean that he was content or not going through horrible stuff. A person can have a great personal life and a horrible professional life or vice versa, or both can be going well and they still have Depression or another mental disorder. They may be addicted to alcohol or drugs or gambling. There's a multitude of reasons people get into a mental state that makes them think death is the only solution. 

Or maybe they're just in a bad mood and there's a gun nearby. Most suicide attempts don't work out, unless the person uses a gunJust having a gun in the house makes a person 3x more likely to commit suicide. Gun defenders will say that people will find a way to commit suicide if they are determined, and in some cases that's true, but it is clear that when people use other means of killing themselves, they are less likely to actually die and they usually don't try again. If they use a gun, they will most likely die. Therefore, guns are a huge factor in the high suicide rate. In fact, 2 out of every 3 gun deaths in America is a suicide, and it happens once every 25 minutes. 

Holy shit. Once every 25 minutes someone kills themselves with a gun. Seriously, we're not gonna address this? 

Our horrible health care system in this country certainly isn't effectively dealing with the issue. Mental health is especially bad. Most people don't understand it and the majority of those affected by it don't receive proper treatment. We end up relying on police officers, who are ill equipped to handle mental health issues and mostly make the situation worse. Then, the ones who can and do help often face Depression themselves. Over 100 police officers killed themselves just last year.

Doctors, those who we task with saving others, can hardly save themselves. Male physicians are 3x more likely to commit suicide than the average person and female physicians are 4-5x more likely

We have this idea that people who help others, whether it's a public servant or a doctor or even just the "strong" friend in the group, can't have moments of weakness themselves. But they are real people with real problems, and Depression is a real thing, even though we can't see it and it can be hard to define. We can see its effects, and anyone can feel its effects. It's important to be honest with ourselves and deal with issues before they devolve to a point of desperation. 

I was and am naturally curious, so being confronted with suicide at an early age made me consider it as a real thing that happens, and that made me yearn to understand it. Parents and teachers often freak out if a kid simply mentions suicide (god forbid they listen to Marilyn Manson or Gravediggaz!) but I think kids need to understand these things at an early age. They shouldn't grow accustomed to avoiding difficult topics. Suicide shouldn't be some unspoken evil, it should be addressed openly. People with suicidal thoughts aren't witches or insane, they are simply people with problems. If someone is curious about suicide or even has suicidal thoughts, it doesn't mean they are crazy or that they will go through with it. If we stigmatize the problem and never address it as a society, people will be less likely to tell anyone or address the problems themselves. They feel ashamed or worthless or weird about how they are feeling and then never seek help. 

Suicide and suicidal thoughts are stigmatized and weaponized. Take the treatment of the transgender community for example. Trans people often struggle with Depression because society says they are wrong just for existing. They are often hesitant to come out, which leads to stress and other issues. If they do come out, they face ridicule and scorn, they are often kicked out of their homes, and they are murdered at an increasingly high rate. But if they don't come out, people might accuse them of "tricking" them. Not to mention, they won't ever truly be happy because they are hiding their true identity.

After dealing with all that, then they have to hear the President saying they aren't worthy or stable enough to serve in the military. People who don't believe in evolution or global warming are now citing "science" that claims transgender people are all mentally ill. And what is one thing they use to justify that claim? The high suicide rate. It's a sick cycle of abuse. Of course suicide rates are high in the transgender community. Look at all the bullshit they have to deal with on a daily basis.

If we are going to use a high suicide rate as a criteria for mental illness in a community, than the military community needs to address their own suicide problem. Military service people kill themselves twice as much as the civilian population, and once again 20 veterans kill themselves every day. That should dispel any notion that suicide is a sign of weakness. And it should be motivation for better health care for all. But instead of understanding that and providing the support everyone needs, certain people (the ones in control unfortunately) pit the military versus the transgender community. Divide, conquer, and avoid solving any issues.

We need a whole new perspective on suicide. It's not a weakness. It's not The Act Who's Name Should Never Be Spoken. It's something that is happening every 25 minutes.   

There is hope. I consider myself a cautious, optimistic realist. I don't think that simply believing in the power of Good or God will help us prevail, but I have seen enough good in the world to keep me going and to keep me believing that maybe we will turn out all right as a species. 




The situations above are obviously outliers, but they show how the kindness of strangers can literally save a person's life. (We should have learned that from Marge Simpson long ago.) Sometimes a gesture as small as saying hello or sending a text can positively affect someone's mood in such a way that they reconsider any thoughts of suicide. Suicide prevention hotlines, staffed by volunteers with no connection to the people on the other line, are emblematic of the best in humanity. The fact that people dedicate their time to helping complete strangers in times of crisis is a great source of hope. 

Sometimes it takes a stranger. Friends often think they know what's going on in each other's lives or that if something was going on, their friend would tell them. That's not always the case. It's often easier to unload your problems on a complete stranger. They can be less judgmental; there's no baggage or history, bad or good. I can be very sarcastic with my friends (surprising, I know) to the point that our conversations may even seem mean to outsiders. That type of relationship isn't always conducive to discussing Depression or suicidal thoughts. 

But I'm trying Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd. I hope my friends know I'm always there for them. I think they do. I know they are for me. 

I just quoted Jules Winfield, and I love his attitude and perspective at the end of Pulp Fiction, but I always wanted to be Holden Caulfield. Not the character himself, but the vision he had for himself, catching and saving kids as they fell off the cliff into the rye field.

There are some people who are basically Catchers in the Rye. It's amazing how many cases there are like this. People who simply decided that they would help others in the most desperate time of their lives with a friendly smile and conversation. 

It doesn't take a superhero to save someone on the ledge. Sometimes all it takes is a little empathy and a big hug. Even as I write that it seems excessively jejune, but there are too many instances where that exact thing happens to not believe it. Besides, a friendly smile never hurt anyone, so what do you have to lose?


I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Thursday, July 27, 2017

To Respond, or Not to Respond

Image result for facebook comments suck

A Discussion Between 
Prof Thug and Stoned Willy Poonhound on 
Responding to Facebook Comments


Prof Thug: Hey Willy!

Stoned Willy Poonhound: Professor.

PT: Thanks for joining me today.

SWP: Eh. What else I gotta do.

PT: True. You're a homeless dog.

SWP: "Wanderin tha planet searchin fer truth" n "homelessness" are not tha same.

PT: Right. Well I thought I'd get together with you to talk about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. With this disaster of an administration running this country, there's no shortage of things to get outraged about. And where else to express that outrage but Facebook.

SWP: Obvi.

PT: And express outrage I do. But I've been thinking about why exactly I respond to hateful, ignorant Facebook comments...

SWP: Ya could jus say Facebook comments.

PT: ...especially from people I don't know. Posting on my own page is one thing; it's a way to vent, to express myself, to share interesting things, all that good stuff. But I've been considering for some time now whether replying to hateful comments on other friend's pages or on the news pages is at all helpful. Or healthy.

SWP: Ok. So why ya do it?

PT: Well, I consider myself a teacher, and writer, and not just as a profession; I try to teach and write wherever possible. Deep down, I feel like I can teach a few people about a few things, you know?

SWP: Sure. So what's tha problem?

PT: The problem is, the asshole making the ignorant comments is not going to change his or her mind, so who am I really teaching?

SWP: Ya think anyone ever changed their mind cuz a sum comment they saw online?

PT: I think I may have changed one mind on one single topic in the years I've been on Facebook.

SWP: If ya know that, why do it?

PT: Well, Facebook is social. Comments can be read by other people. Maybe there is someone out there whose mind is not made up and they will be swayed by my argument. Or maybe someone out there is offended by the ignorant comment but too timid to say anything, and maybe they will feel empowered by seeing someone else sticking up for them.

SWP: That's fair. But if yer 118 comments deep in a sub-thread, is anyone really reading it besides the few people gettin tha notifications?

PT: Maybe, maybe not. The thing is, I also consider myself a student of life, and conversation is a great way to learn. Even if the conversation is with a big dumb dumb, you can learn a lot from what dumb dumbs say. They reflect society's problems. Plus, I believe it's important to engage with people who have differing opinions and worldviews.

SWP: Avoidin tha bubble n all that.

PT: Exactly. Discussing your beliefs helps shape and strengthen those beliefs. Facebook commenting provides great practice in discourse.

SWP: Yeah, but sometimes yer comments seem kinda...assholeish. That improves discourse?

PT: I'm not perfect. I can't deny that my inner asshole can sometimes take over, especially when confronted by bigotry or hate.

SWP: I can relate. No mercy fer bigots.

PT: Absolutely. But...

SWP: What?

PT: I often end up regretting commenting.

SWP: Why?

PT: Well it usually breaks down into insults when facts and reason don't seem to work. And I don't really mind that, it just seems counter-productive.

SWP: Not really teachin anybody at that point...

PT: Right. Another thing: sometimes seeing how much ignorance and hate is really out there gets to me.

SWP: Disillusioned wit tha world n shit?

PT: Exactly. Like, how have these people gotten this far in life being so stupid?

SWP: I ask myself that same question bout tha human race as a whole. All tha damn time.

PT: Funny.

SWP: No, seriously.

PT: You're probably right. We are the literal worst. As evidenced by Facebook comments.

SWP: Yup.

PT: I just try to bring a little light or sanity or reason into the conversation.

SWP: But ya cant help breaking down inta insults...

PT: Yeah. Look, I'm trying. That's why I'm talking it out here.

SWP: Lemme ask ya this: Hav ya considered...not replyin ta ignorant comments?

PT: I...well...

SWP: Yeah?

PT: It's just...

SWP: Spit it out.

PT: I CAN"T STOP, WILLY! I tried, I swear. It just feels so good to shout my knowledge at everybody! It feels soo good to shut down an ignorant piece of shit! I know it's not helpful but making someone look foolish online is one of my favorite things to do ohmygod I love it so much! But it's killing me, Willy. It's tearing my soul apart. I want to be a teacher and I want to spread love... but it feels SOOOOO good to own these clowns!

SWP: I get it.

PT: It's childish. It's pointless. It just adds to the divisiveness and the tension in this country and I hate it. But I can't stop.

SWP: I understand. You want to feel powerful.

PT: It fills me with so much power, man! Just calling these assholes out and debating with logic and facts and love and then insults feels like a shot of HGH straight to my ass cheek, man. I need it. I need it so bad. I go to sleep thinking about what kind of hateful jerk I'm going to decimate in the morning and I wake up with my finger already on the send button. I dont even know how it got there.

SWP: Thats kinda weir--

PT: I'll be halfway through typing something and I don't even know what I'm saying but I know it's brilliant and I know its gonna change the world.

SWP: Ohhkay...

PT: But then I hit send and I immediately realize the futility of it all and I feel like a moron for stooping down to their level and I want to take it all back and just delete everything.

SWP: So why don't ya?

PT: Because then I see the notification. The asshole has replied back.

SWP: So now...

PT: Now I have to engage further.

SWP: Ya gotta get tha last word in.

PT: Damn right! I'll get the last word and it'll be the best damn word they've ever seen.

SWP: What if they don't reply back?

PT: They always reply back.

SWP: Ok, but what if they don't? Or what if ya get in there n delete it before they respond?

PT: Because then I won't get any likes.

SWP: .....u serious rite now?

PT: Absolutely! Why else post on Facebook if not for likes?

SWP: So that's it.

PT: That's what?

SWP: That's tha real issue here. Yer addicted ta "likes."

PT: What? No. Huh?

SWP: Thats fuckin it dawg. Ya got a "like" addiction, homey.

PT: No no no. I have a thirst for spreading knowledge and verbally tearing morons apart.

SWP: Yea that's part of it probly. But I think it's really tha likes.

PT: That's ridiculous. Besides, they have the new emoji responses and I'd much rather get a heart emoji than a like.

SWP: That proves my point!

PT: That's...I don't...shut up. Idiot.

SWP: I see we're at tha insult portion a tha convo....

PT: What the hell's the point of arguing with you here anyways? Nobody can even like my responses so how do I know if I'm winning?

SWP: See?

PT: See what?

SWP: Yer doin it all fer tha likes man!

PT: But I...

SWP: Tryin ta "win" tha convo?

PT: ...but that...

SWP: Yer sick!

SWP: ..aw man. I didn't even realize how bad I had it until just now.

SWP: Yea its pretty bad.

PT: Wow. I need help. Help me, Willy. Please. I can't stop. The insults always get the most likes and I love that damn thumbs up sign! I need it! Each one gives me power! I eat them up like Flinstones chewables!

SWP: Those are bangin.

PT: Now Facebook does the floating likes thing on your phone when you go to your comment and that's so cool! It's like little thumbs up bubbles!

SWP: They are pretty cool.

PT: See?!

SWP: But come on man. Yer fallin apart here.

PT: I know I know. Help me. Tell me what to do, Willy. What would Stoned Willy Poonhound do?

SWP: Ya really want sum advice?

PT: Yes. Yes, please. Anything.

SWP: Create a fake online persona.

PT: Huh?

SWP: Create a fake persona. That way ya don't gotta pretend like yer doin it ta "teach" anybody. Ya won't have to feel bad fer "stoopin to their level" cuz nobody knows who ya really are. Ya won't offend any family or friends. It's easy n ya can insult people all ya want without feelin guilty.

PT: Are you serious man? I'd never do that. I'm no troll.

SWP: Scuse me?

PT: I can't even believe you would suggest something like that. That's beneath you.

SWP: But you created m--

PT: I'd never pretend to be something I'm not. Besides, I don't really think I have a problem.

SWP: Are ya kidd--

PT: You were leading me to the conclusion that I have a problem. But I think you were misunderstanding me. I don't have a problem. Maybe you have a problem?

SWP: Ya really are an asshole.

PT: Oh great, here come the insults!

SWP: I don't "like" you. At all.

PT: That's all we have for today folks! Thanks for joining us. Good talk, Willy!

SWP: Fuck you.


I Love You All...Class Dismissed.