I started my blog in December, so I have to talk about Christmas. It’s mandatory. Plus, I have to stay topical to get more hits and get that ad revenue baby! Next week I will have four posts about Kim Kardashian’s new vaginal rejuvenation cream. Cha-ching!
But today’s blog is about Santa. Specifically, a story about Santa that I wrote in college called, “Street Corner Santa, Inc.” I always liked it, and my professor at the time called it “twisted” so that made me very proud. I don’t know where my take on Santa came from—maybe it has to do with the fact that my mother has an obsession with singing-and-dancing holiday figurines; I recently went to my parents house and counted 30 various Santa figurines in the living room alone—but I would have to agree with my old professor, the story is a little twisted.
I’m going to post it in three parts to build the suspense, and so I don’t have to write as much in the next 3 days…it’s the holidays mannn!
Street Corner Santa, Inc.
The little boy ran down the sidewalk in front of his mother, pulling her by the hand. He came to a screeching halt at the busy street corner as his mother jerked him back.
“Yes, Joshua, we’ll see Santa. But not if you get hit by a car.”
They waited on the corner with dozens of other busy holiday shoppers. When the little blinking man told them to walk, Joshua ran to the other side of the street with his mother dragging behind.
There he was. Jolly old St. Nick. Standing on the street corner ringing a bell, spreading his Christmas cheer.
“Hey there kiddo. Merry Christmas!”
“Mommy, where’s my list?”
Joshua’s mother searched her purse. She pulled out two quarters, a pack of cigarettes, and a piece of paper covered in pencil marks. She put the quarters in Santa’s collection tin, handed the paper to Joshua, and lit a cigarette.
“Here’s my list Santa! I want Harry Potter figures, and an X-Box 360, and a bike…”
Santa chuckled and patted him on the head as he read off his list.
“Joshua,” his mother said, looking at her watch, “Santa’s very busy and you read your list to him already today.”
“But if I tell him as many times as I can, maybe he’ll remember all my gifts this year.”
“I really don’t think…”
“Oh, it’s okay, mom,” Santa said. “I have all the time in the world for good little boys like your son.”
“See? Where was I? Oh, a Lego’s starship, and an iguana…”
Joshua’s mother looked through her purse and checked her own list. She would never finish her Christmas shopping with all these street corner Santas around. She noticed a vendor selling coffee about ten feet away. Perfect.
“Joshua, stay right here with Santa. Mommy’s gonna get some coffee right over there.”
“And a snowboard, and a baseball glove…”
She walked to the vendor and ordered a large coffee, never taking her eyes off Joshua. She found some spare change in her purse but ended up two quarters short.
“Damn you Santa.”
She handed a $20 bill to the vendor. She flicked her cigarette to the ground, stamping it out with her shoe, and reached for her change and steaming hot coffee. She dropped the change in her purse and took a small sip of her coffee. Glorious caffeine. Now she was ready for her son’s constant barrage of Christmas wishes. She started back towards the street corner but was stopped dead in her tracks. The corner was empty except for a steady flow of business people and holiday shoppers.
She dropped her coffee and ran.
So there's part one! Stay tuned for part two tomorrow!
I Love You All…Class Dismissed.
I Love You All…Class Dismissed.