Saint Ken

For his 79^th birthday, my aunt and I took my dad out to his favorite Mexican restaurant, Ocho Café in West Hartford. After we gorged ourselves on delicious tacos and enchiladas, the manager and a group of staff brought out a complimentary dessert and belted out their best heavily accented “happy birthday” rendition. My dad thanked the manager and told him how much he and my mom loved coming here. He then told the manager that my mom passed away a couple months ago. The manager replied, “we know, and we wanted to tell you that all of us here really admired the way you took care of her and brought her out to enjoy herself.”

My first thought, was, “How often did my parents come here?” My second thought was *cries loudly on the inside.*

When the nurse who was looking after my mom in the ICU heard that my mom was still living at home at the age of 78, with advanced Parkinson’s for many years and in a wheelchair for 5 years, she seemed shocked, and exclaimed, “You never see that. Usually, the husband puts them in a home.” Doctors had recommended he do just that several times over the past few years.

But see, my dad is not usual. In his mid and late 70s, before and after his own knee replacement surgery, he was helping my wheelchair-bound mom dress, use the toilet, go out to eat, visit family, and anything else she wanted or needed to do. Never mind the mental and spiritual toll of seeing your spouse in this condition, the physical toll alone is something most people would avoid.

At my mom’s funeral, I heard a lot of people say that my dad is a saint. Saint Ken. 

If people feel that way, I won’t refute it. Maybe it’s just my secular worldview, but I wouldn’t call him a saint. He’s not performing miracles. He’s a good man who is deeply committed to his loved ones, and he made a choice to remain committed until the very end. He wasn’t doing anything that “normal” humans aren’t capable of, even though most would never choose to; he was doing the hard work of loving and caring for someone with an illness into their final years. His wife needed him, and he was going to do everything he could possibly do to support her, and more importantly, give her life value.

My parents saw the value in all life. Recently, as the Covid pandemic raged around the globe, it was obvious that many people did not. When the stats showed that most people who died from Covid were over 65, pundits and politicians told us all we need to get back to work. Grandma and Grandpa dying is a worthy sacrifice if it increases the US GDP by half a percentage point!

I heard so many people just dismiss the elderly entirely. Dismiss life past a certain age. It messed me up because two of the people I care for most were deemed disposable. Then I thought, well shit. I’m 40. I guess I only have 25 meaningful years left.

The pandemic was not a fun time!

Our society prioritizes…idolizes…worships youth. While at the same time, our society hates kids. Duality! We prize beauty and vitality over wisdom and maturity. We pay any amount of money to look and feel young. To most people, “aging gracefully” means looking good by simulating youth. And if it’s not possible to look young, have the decency to never show your face in public. Or at least not during peak hours. Stick to the early bird specials. 

Did that mean that my parents, both in their 70s—one in a wheelchair with a degenerative neurological disease—were simply living ghosts? The Walking Dead, or The Rolling Dead? It was hard not to be angry all the time at a society that kept telling you your loved ones don’t matter.

But instead of getting angry…or, rather, in addition to getting angry…I realized that the most radical act in an uncaring society is to care, to value all life. I didn’t make that realization on my own. As the infamous DARE commercial once said, “I learned it from watching you, Dad.” (Ironically, I did not learn about drugs from my dad. Thanks, UConn! Go Huskies!)

My dad taught me, through his actions, to dare to find value in all life; dare to love people (and animals) that are sick, or even close to death, those deemed worthless.

In 2021, a few months after defeating cancer, my parents’ beloved good boy Cody died after a long, happy life. Long in dog years. It's never long enough. My parents always had a dog, and my dad always had a very strong bond with his dogs. He was especially close with Cody for many reasons. One reason was that Cody was there for him as my mom’s health deteriorated and she had to go in a wheelchair and she spent more and more time in the hospital. So it was a huge loss when Cody died. But as usual, he didn’t linger on the death and sadness; he started looking for another companion. There are no replacements for a lost pet, but you can begin a new relationship that can help you cope with the loss and that can grow into something just as meaningful.

So there was no doubt my parents would get another dog, and that it would be a rescue. I figured a puppy would be too much of a handful, but I didn't expect a shaggy, half blind, 8 year old dog named Hobbs. 

The more I think about it, the more it made sense. It wasn’t just about getting a new companion. He wanted to give another dog, neglected for most of its life, discarded by his owners, a chance at a good life.

I know a lot of people never consider adopting an older pet. For most people, the point is to have a pet for as long as possible. And for a bigger dog like Hobbs, 8 is not too far from his life expectancy. And he was mostly blind. So why go through all the trouble? What’s the point if the dog is going to die soon?

This mentality is common, but that doesn’t make it any less problematic. For one thing, it means that a lot of deserving older animals never get adopted and never have a chance for a decent life.  But I've also been thinking about what it means on a philosophical level. This refusal to adopt older animals reflects a lot about our feelings towards older people, and how we feel about the relation between time and life. 

When people think of age and life, most people value quantity over quality. They want to live a long life. Living longer means you won! But at the same time, as a society, we don’t value those people who live longer. We put them away in nursing homes or other facilities, which wouldn’t actually be too bad, if we properly funded those facilities. But once we place them there, if the healthcare services aren’t adequate, hey, that’s not our problem. We are young and full of life! Not like those old people. We’ll never be like those old people! Then when an old person dies, our fascination and respect for higher numbers comes back, and we say “oh they lived such a long life! 95 years…can’t ask for much more than that!” As a society, we have issues with age, is what I’m saying.

But my dad, and my mom, always valued quality over quantity. They cherished life, and they gave value to each other’s life and everyone they met. Every animal they met, too. Hobbs could have spent his last days or months in a kennel, waiting to die or be put down by strangers. Instead, he had a great last 9 months with my parents and their cat, Max.

Max, another rescue, another pet with an eye problem. My dad got Max about two years after my parents’ sweet cat Kay  passed away. It was soon after my mom had The Incident that kept her in the hospital and nursing home for a while. When she was in there, taking all types of new drugs—and often missing her regular Parkinson’s drugs because the nurses were not trained for that because of the lack of proper funding for the facilities that I mentioned earlier—she kept hallucinating and seeing cats in the room. She told everyone she was trying to save these cats and she even tried to recruit people who visited her to help her save the cats.

So, when she finally came home, guess who was waiting to meet her? Literally the cat of her dreams. Well, one of the cats from her dreams.

Then, Max almost immediately clawed her arm to shreds. But it was out of love! And they became inseparable friends. And my dad loves cats, too, so it wasn’t an entirely selfless act, but it was just another example of the thoughtfulness behind his actions.

After Hobbs died, the search for another companion began, and shortly after, Archie arrived from Louisiana. Now, outside of New Orleans, Louisiana is as backwoods as you can get, and their views on animals are a little different than in New England. The story goes, his owner kept him outside and at some point even the minimal effort to keep a dog alive was too much, so she decided she would shoot him and open up her schedule for more Dr. Phil reruns and Miller Lite. Thankfully he was rescued and eventually paired with my father. Another disregarded life my dad would take care of.

Archie arrived thin and scared, with fur falling off and his tail between his legs. He would slink away from most people and barely eat.

That lasted a few weeks. With the love and care of my dad, he was soon flourishing, greedily eating the crumbs off my mom’s lap, prancing over to meet me at the door when I visited. No surprise at all, really. Another soul saved by Saint Ken. 

  

Technically, anyone can do what he does. It’s a choice, followed by determination and commitment. Many people choose not to. They choose not to rescue animals when they are looking for pets, opting for the popular, specialized, expensive breeds. They choose not to take the older dogs, the disabled dogs, the difficult dogs. They choose not to stand by their wife as her body fails and her mind slowly deteriorates. They choose not to help their spouse eat and dress and wash, day in and day out. They choose not to sit by their spouse's hospital bed until the very moment that cherished life leaves her body in gasps and then whispers. They choose not to confront the most difficult aspects of life head on with kindness and humility.

And it’s not that he never lost patience. He just never let a bad or weak moment extend into a habit. It’s not that he never made a mistake. He just never gave up. He was inspired by my mother’s resilience and determination, but she was just as inspired by his. Her life was literally extended by his resilience and determination and support. 

Not only was it extended, it was enhanced. Even when she was confined to the wheelchair, her life was enriched because my parents chose to give value to life. I don’t know what the meaning of life is, but I know it is not to simply live a long time. We, as individuals, as family and community members, give it meaning. For my dad, giving to others, helping others, gives meaning to his life. Whether it’s in his role as a husband, brother, father or grandfather, he is a provider, someone who can always be relied on. He was a coach and a father figure to countless kids, including all my friends and my brother’s friends. 

I’ve learned so much from my father throughout my entire life. He’s taught me some things directly, but mostly he teaches by example. For the last few years, he’s taught me one of the most important lessons of all: how to age gracefully. Although I don’t look forward to the golden years of knee replacement surgeries and arthritis, I can only hope to always emulate his approach to life. I hope to be able to provide my wife with the love and support and quality of life that he provided my mom. I hope to be a person that my family and friends can always rely on. I hope to always find value in life, despite any disability or illness or the proximity of death.

I often doubt my ability to do what he did for my mom. I hope I never have to prove myself. Maybe I am capable. Maybe we all are, and when we are faced with those situations, it really does come down to choice. Or maybe most people are simply incapable and he really is a saint. Regardless, I hope to live my life the way he has. I hope to give value to the lives of those I love. He didn’t pass on his good hair genes to either of his sons, but maybe he passed on the dedication and commitment and thoughtfulness genes. 

And since I still need the lessons, hopefully he can continue to teach me by example for many more years. At least until he's 95. That's a good, long life. Can't ask for much more than that! 

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Diggin in the Cassettes: Beats, Rhymes, and Life

I love this album. Released on July 30, 1996, it was A Tribe Called Quest's 4th album overall, and their 3rd best in my opinion. Their sound and content had increasingly gotten a little darker, but also more commercial in some cases. It reached #1 on Billboard, attained platinum status, and was nominated for a Grammy for Best Rap Album.

Prof Thug's Diggin in the Cassettes Vol. 4

A Tribe Called Quest - Beats, Rhymes, and Life

The album cover made it clear that this would be darker than previous albums. 

It is far from a perfect album, but the title is perfect for Tribe, and I personally consider it a classic.

The album was their first to feature work from The Ummah, a production group made of Q-Tip, Ali Shaheed Muhammad and Jay Dee aka J Dilla. Once again, Tribe's sound was able to evolve without losing the overall Tribe essence and feel.

I was in high school at the time, so the darker, more aggressive vibe worked well for me. The industry continued to dampen their spirits, and a grittier sound was more en vogue at the time, with artists like Mobb Deep, Wu-Tang, and 2Pac dominating the soundscape. Not to mention, this was released during the (largely exaggerated, but commercially profitable) East Coast vs West Coast feud. Songs about leaving your wallet in a diner just weren't gonna cut it.

There was still a sense of playfulness, especially on songs like Word Play and The Hop, but a lot of the joyfulness from the previous albums was nonexistent. A major theme of the album is pressure (The Pressure, Stressed Out); pressure from the music industry, pressure from their relationships, pressure from society in general.  It had been 3 years since their last album and things were different. Hearing that their relationship started to fall apart during this era made sense. Phife moved to Atlanta. Q-Tip's cousin was brought into the fold. It was a different vibe.

But it was still Tribe, and Tribe is always great.


Phony Rappers (featuring Consequence)

Another. Great. Opening. Song.

I'm pretty sure I used this as an opening song for one of my legendary HAYO mixtapes (if ya don't know, ya better assssk).

It has great energy. Tip starts talking about running into people who want to challenge him as an MC. It seems there's a sanitation yard full of trash talkers. Phife tells a similar story. Money please I get loose off of orange juice. They are showing their superior skills on the mic compared to all other rappers, but this is a much harder approach that they've ever taken. The beat is a little more aggressive than ever before, too.

The chorus comes in over those crazy, almost discordant keys. Phony rappers who do not write, phony rappers, who do not excite. phony rappers you know they type.phony rappers.

On the last verse Phife goes back and forth with this new cat. His voice is a bit high, raspy, and a little mush-mouthed. He can rap and it's a dope verse, but...who is he? Why is he here? It turns out he's Q-Tip's cousin, Consequence. Ok, cool. Adding another voice definitely altered the vibe a little, though.

At the end of the song there's a sampled voice that comes in with aclosing statement:

This feeling of embarrassment..This shyness and bashfulness…
If you take that out of the people then these people will do whatever they want to do
And that is the very definition of America. A people who have no shame and therefore do whatever they want to do.

Man, if that doesn't sum up America right now, I don't know what does....


Get a Hold


Drifting drifting drifting drifting....drifting back. suddenly. 

And then this song comes in to offer us hope...or maybe current events have cause me to imbue new meaning into the song. Either way, it's a great song with some great insight:

Your lust for the riches make a nigga feel sick
Down to his zealots, upchuck and then spit
Denouncing my beliefs, well then your wig get split

It's a really laid back, zoned out beat. Q-Tip is on his grown man shit. Respect me for that and let me do my thing...We all got faults don't ever front try to think that your perfect. 

He also mentions my record company be on some true jerk shit, and says We hitting, yo bust how we too strong to be broken, Occasional malfunction pressure time, we ain't joking.

Tip acknowledges that things have changed (in society, with the group) but that they are too strong to let it get them down. To deal with stress and pressure, they must take control. That feeling hangs heavy over this album.


Motivators

This is a more uptempo, upbeat song. Definitely more playful than the first two songs. Tip, Phife, and Consequences trade bars back and forth. They all join in on the chorus we be the number one motivators over a jazzy sample.

Q-Tip: Will yall fall off?
Phife: Will Laura fuck Urkel?

So yeah, they're never too serious, thankfully.

Consequence also has a great pop culture reference While you be frogging like Bud-wei-ser and later shouts out Queens and various famous athletes, proving that he really did fit with the Tribe vibe. 


Jam (featuring Consequence)


As always, there's fantastic sequencing on the album. The last song flows perfectly into this, another uptempo, funky beat.

There's a little phone call introduction, with 2 girls talking about what they are doing that night. Then the guys start in and tell a story about their day and a night spent partying. At the end of the song/night, they see a bunch of people about to get into a fight. They decide to exit the party when the cops show up. The song ends with the guys drunkenly talking and getting in their car to leave.

This lives up to its name. It has a great vibe. There's no chorus or hook, just a jazzy little breakdown between verses. It's real simple and mellow, but it makes me happy, and that's what a good "jam" should do.

Crew


This beat has a very J Dilla vibe to it. Q-Tip talks about beef between good friends (foreshadowing?).

It's just one verse of him confronting a friend who slept with his wife. At the end a scene plays out with Tip yelling at the guy and friends trying to hold him back. Tip keeps screaming and threatening the guy, then shots ring out.

To say this is a tad darker than previous Tribe songs is an understatement.


The Pressure


This is probably my favorite song on the album. It starts with some scratching and a simple bass line Dun dun dun. Dun dun dun. Dun. Then a bunch of samples start up, layered on top of each other. Such a banger.

Tip starts off with a typically great verse. Then Phife comes in every dog has its day but fuck that its my year. Wooo they kill this song! They didn't miss a step lyrically on this album. Listening to it now is so refreshing. So damn good.

We feeling pressures in here, you know we feelin pressure.

Just look at the album cover. It was the Tribe trying to find their place in a world of chaos. They were dealing with fame and success and adulthood and a changing music industry, trying to navigate through it all successfully.


1nce Again 

This was the first single. It was nominated for a Grammy for Best Rap Performance by a Duo/Group. I was very excited about the album when I first heard the single. It was incredible. It starts off with a little remix of their infamous Check the Rhime back-and-forth hook: ya on point Phife, once again Tip, watch me bust they shit. The same thing with a little more edge.

Then comes the ooooooh ya did to me once again my friend by Tammy Lucas. She handles the chorus later as well.

Phife kills a verse then Tip kills a verse then its back to the chorus. Then Phife kills a verse, Tip kills a verse, then they do the back and forth call again, then it ends on the chorus. Terrific song structure.

It's definitely a little more commercial than the typical Tribe song, but it never lost the Tribe feel. It had more singing than usual but they had singing before (Vinia Mojica). It also had dope rapping, scratches, great drums, and a couple samples, so it was just plain ol' good hip hop. It wasn't quite as good as previous singles, and it's a shame the Grammy's took so long to give them credit, but this is an undeniable classic.

Mind Power (featuring Consequence)


So funky....mmmmmm...so funky....said mmmmmmm.

There are many great sounds on this song, especially that great main horn sample. And I  love how the various horn samples come in and out through the song.

This is somewhat fast paced and all three have some great lines. Phife has a particularly hilarious verse here. He references the Berenstain Bears. He gives a shoutout to Linden Blvd and Ali Shaheed Muhammad. Oh, and just because the album is a little harder than previous ventures, they are not trying to portray a fake tough guy image. Phife claims:

Now, all that Glock totin' trash you talk will not prevail
It's stale, you'll either be dead or in jail
I keeps it realer than the logo on milk
Denouncin tough guy wannabes that look smoother than silk

It ends with Tip repeating Uh uh Mind power! then he states Kickin willy is good all throughout your whole hood but we gotta start with the spirit first yall.

As usual, Tribe was never overly religious or spiritual, but the idea of a spirit (that funk,that rhythm) that lives through their music is always a key theme. That spirit is always apparent in their lyrics, in their voices. It is the spirit that lives through their beats, rhymes, and lives.

The Hop


Damn this song is good. Another great transition. It starts with the deep bass boom boom boom boom and Tip exclaiming Yeah, move your body, inside the party, We 'bout to bring it to you kid like we never ever did.

Tip then starts his verse Inside the ghetto or in a sunny meadow I'ma make ya move whether women or fellow. 

You can't deny the rhythm, the spirit of the Tribe.

Tip handles the chorus You gotta do the hop, you move to the beat, you don't stop, Now everybody here, you do the hop. The groove can not be stopped dammit! Tip has some of the greatest rapped choruses in history.

Phife once again murders his verse, stabbing up the track like his name is OJ Simpson. You? You're freeloading like Kato Kaelin. He gives props to Das Efx, Method Man, and Megadeth. Word is bond I am the baddest. With verses like this, he was, man. He really was.

Its the hottest thang thang thang!

Keeping It Moving


Something for your ear hole so you can clean them shits out. From Q-Tip. Ha.

Tip addresses some people who thought he dissed the West Coast (I think it was Westside Connection, that awful Ice Cube side group that instigated most of the Coastal beef). I don't know what the exact reference is but Tip assures people that he's no west coast disser or damn ass kisser.

Tip exclaims Hip Hop...a way of life. On later versions, it says hip hop could never be a way of life. I always wondered why they added that, or if it was intended to be there originally. Anyways, Tip is essentially saying there is more to life than just rap, in an attempt to ease tensions between coasts. Positivity is the key in the lock, Put your hand on it, turn it to the right, ak. But he also reminds people that they are not to be messed with on the mic: Figure 4 your ass like Greg the Hammer. His references here are on par with Phife's best references.

He ends by giving shoutouts to other rappers, many from the West Coast. Pharcyde ya know we do it up. Hiero ya kow we do it up. 

He also says I aint got no time for shuckin and jivin, basically saying let's stop this song and dance/beef bullshit that the industry takes so much pleasure in. It's a powerful reference to black entertainers from the past who had to shuck and jive to please their bosses and white audiences.  

Baby Phife's Return


This is a very late-90s J Dilla sounding beat. There are lots of samples layered throughout the song. It was never my favorite; it's nothing too special as far as Tribe songs go, but it's good.

Consequence handles the chorus while Phife handles the lyrics.

Crushin MCs as if my name was Sargent Slaughter (how great is that?!)
Keep shit hotter...than a sauna
Or better yet, the hormones on your Christian daughter
Hey, I tried to warn her

An average Tribe song, so still better than most.


Separate/Together

The beats have started to get a little lackluster, but this is still a great song.

Tip starts off with some bars about wack rappers (another common theme on the album) and addresses male-female relations: So brothers hold your heads high when you get down, Don't violate these women cuz we need them around, It's all of us together, not the one without the other. He follows that with the chorus we got to do our do, not separate together, then sings a little melody about sticking together through hard times.

A short but sweet little jam.

What Really Goes On


A great, jazzy, mellow beat with the bump the bump the bump bump yall. This is another Q-Tip solo. With no Phife, or Consequence for that matter, combined with a similar beat as the preceding songs, there is a slight lull in the album. All of the songs are good, but it gets a little monotonous.

Now when I say the beats are a little lackluster, or the songs are monotonous. I only mean that in comparison to their previous albums. Honestly, this song (and the few songs before it) are better than most on their debut; however, immediately prior to this album, they had 2 of my favorite albums ever back to back, so it's a little hard to maintain that level. Plus, I was into a much bigger variety of hip hop at that time. It was hard to stand out in hip hop in 1996.

But I want to stress (ha get it!) that it's still a great song and album.

Word Play (featuring Consequence)


This was another of my favorites on the album. It reflects the changes from their prior albums (featuring Consequence, a little darker beat, more aggressive, battle-type rhymes) but it did those things better here than on most songs.

They address wack rappers, big themselves up, talk about how to properly rap, and rap the chorus together. It still manages to be a little more moody, so it's not all fun and games, but it's a return to the more playful tone they always did so well.

Consequence definitely adds a youthful vibe; maybe they felt they had lost a step and needed a shot of youthful vigor, or maybe they needed a third wheel to take some tension off their relationship. It just feels like they don't have the same chemistry as before. It's a little more serious.

Stressed Out (featuring Consequence & Faith Evans)

And this is the most serious of all. They address stressful situations they've been through and/or are going through, and Faith Evans sings the chorus.

The music industry had officially gotten to them, in a couple ways. I'm sure the label pushed for the R&B collaboration, and their years of dealing with the label at least partially inspired the theme of the song and album.

The album version has a lot of Consequence. The video version had Phife as well. Needless to say, I was a little upset when I watched the video and saw Phife spit a classic verse: Dunn-da-lie, dunn-da-lo, dunn-da-lie, dunn-da-lee, Me no look for trouble but trouble done follow me. Eventually I found a DJ Clue mixtape that featured the video version, so all was well with the world.

Faith sings us out as the beat plays on. I think "airy" describes it best. There's even what sounds like an organ playing throughout, so it's rather spiritual. The lyrics evoke that sense of spirituality as well we gonna make it, ya know we gonna make it.

Really good song but a definite departure from their previous work, on many levels. It had an obvious commercial appeal, featuring a popular R&B singer on the chorus, and a breezy, radio-friendly beat, while addressing serious issues like mental health.

As far as sequencing goes, though, it's a great way to end the album.


On it's own, this album is a definite classic. In the Tribe's discography, it's only their 3rd or 4th best. I can still enjoy it immensely, and it's superior to soooo much music out there, but their two previous albums set an incomparable standard. Regardless, I highly recommend giving this album your time.

4.5 THUGS out of 5

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Glass Half Full to the Brim

The Golden Age Fallacy has always been popular with unhappy people, but the romanticization of the past has intensified recently because of the overall level of comfort we have reached as a species. I won't minimize the severe poverty in certain parts of the world, because it exists and it is horrible, but for the vast majority of us, especially in America, everything is easily available. That's not a bad thing (netflix and air conditioning are awesome!) but we find new things to complain about that look absolutely petty when compared to many of the complaints of the past, or when compared to people with real problems in the present day. All of this is so common and pervasive in our society we even came up with a trendy hashtag term for it: #firstworldproblems. The phrase was intended to spotlight how petty these complaints are, but, it has evolved into just another opportunity for privileged people to still complain about petty bullshit, showing the power the privileged have to ruin everything.

There's something about the human brain that makes us focus on the negative. Or maybe it's just a natural reaction to the overall shittiness of the human condition. Despite our relative comfort, life is hard. Death is inevitable. We complain that the glass is half full, when in reality it's never full. Nothing is exactly how we want it. There is no utopia, and a half full glass is more than enough to quench your thirst. Drink it. It will quiet your complaints for a while.

Plus, there are beautiful things happening all around us, all the time. Even some privileged people use their powers for good.

Appreciate one moment, any moment, as much as Wes Bentley enjoyed that bag.

I always loved the idea of karma, and the idea still means a lot to me personally, but I've come to the sad realization that there is no karma in this lifetime. It's certainly not immediate anyway. The fact is, the only reason to treat people well and to be good is, well, to be good. There's no real reward; being a good person is its own reward. Bad people get away with shit all the time. Their actions hardly ever "catch up" with them. It's a great notion to think that people will pay for their actions, it's why the idea of heaven and hell is so popular, but in reality, "bad" and "good" are not objectively quantifiable. You can get arrested for doing certain things on one side of an invisible line that won't get you arrested on the other side, just like doing something in one time period would make you evil in another. Getting into heaven would largely depend on when you died and who was manning the gates.

Motivation to be a good person shouldn't come from a desire to stave off hellfire or as a way to gain positive karma points. Once they become habit, the benefits of positive thinking and living are obvious. It's not the magic that pseudo-psychologist self help gurus make it out to be, but it does make for a more satisfying existence. There are moments of relapse into negative thinking, and it takes effort to maintain consistency, but it is possible to keep the scales tipped in favor of positivity. The hardest part about treating people well and not responding to negative behavior with more negative behavior is the lack of immediate satisfaction, but even that is something that gets easier over time. 

In an era that emphasizes instant gratification and encourages the voicing of meaningless grievances, it's important to see the long term benefits of positive thinking and acting, and the importance of shutting the fuck up every now and then.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Black Jesus, White Atheist

Hi. I'm a white atheist and I'm here to talk about Black Jesus.

Let's clear up a few things first though. There's a lot of misconceptions about atheists, some of which are warranted by the behavior of some very vocal, very annoying atheists. I try not to be that way. I will give my opinion on the existence of God (or lack thereof) but I won't judge you for your own opinion on the subject. I don't think all religion is stupid. I don't think life is meaningless. As an atheist, I still see beauty in life even though I don't think there is any benevolent creator and we don't have an overall purpose. Some people look at me strangely when I tell them, and a lot of kids I have worked with see "atheist" as a bad word, but I don't feel persecuted for being an atheist. The only people in this country persecuted for their religious beliefs are Muslims (and possibly Sikhs, because Americans think they're Muslims).

I was raised Catholic and went through Confirmation, but I started doubting my faith a few years before that. I would mostly fall asleep in church, or pray to God to finally touch a girl's breasts, piously. When I got my driver's license and my mom let me go to church by myself, I would sleep in my car in the church's parking lot. Soon after that I stopped going, and believing, altogether.

If you're a very traditional, conservative Christian type, the show Black Jesus on Adult Swim (and probably this post) is not for you. If you're more open-minded about your religion, which requires having a sense of humor, the show is worth checking out. I won't get into criticism of whether or not its racist or disparaging; I don't think it's my place to call a piece of entertainment created by black people disparaging towards black people. Unless it's Lottery Ticket. I'm still convinced everyone that had anything to do with that film despises black people.

I'll skip that debate and jump right into another extremely sensitive subject: religion! After watching the first 7 episodes of Black Jesus, I can''t see how it's blasphemous or disrespectful in any way to Christianity. Then again, I'm an atheist, so maybe I'm not the one who should be deciding that.

Yet here we are.

The show starts off in Compton following a crew of guys including a tall man in a robe and sandals named Jesus. Nobody questions his authenticity as Christ, except Charlie Murphy, and there's no real explanation of what the heaven is going on. The show simply demands us to accept the reality that Jesus has returned as a black man in South Central LA in 2014. He has all the memories of Jesus from the Bible, he calls God "pops," and says things like "what the heaven."

There are many running jokes like that littered throughout the show. Many of the gags are just throwaway jokes, like calling the one girl in his crew Maggie and his best friend Fish, but many of the gags serve as major plot points. It really tries to be true to the character of the lord and savior Jesus Christ from the Bible, while placing him in an inner city in modern day America. So he rides around in his friends' hooptie and swears occasionally, but it's all interspersed within Christ-like maxims. When a cop is messing with his friend, he tells his friend to relax because the cop, "know not what the fuck he do, man."

He is a modern day, American messiah. He preaches constantly to everyone he interacts with, tells them how much he loves them, and, like a true religious leader, has no real job. The show is at its best when it illustrates what it would really be like to have a messiah for a friend. He is horrible with money because there is no inherent value and he thinks everything will always work out if they just believe strongly enough. The constant reminders to have faith in him and "pops" annoy his crew after a while and  they desert him. It's what real friends would probably do after a while, but it's also a reference to Peter turning his back on Jesus in the bible.

Things end up working out, though,of course, because Jesus remains pure and good. It helps that he really can perform miracles. He is the son of God. And he is God himself right? That's how the Holy Trinity thing works? 10 years of catechism and that shit never made sense.

Black Jesus can perform miracles, he just doesn't overdo it because, "pops will get mad." Wait, so Jesus is not God? Whatever.

He only uses his power when completely necessary, he doesn't simply grant wishes. When the neighborhood drunk Lloyd (the always awesome John Witherspoon) asks him for a winning lottery ticket, Jesus asks why he doesn't ask for peace on Earth or the end of world hunger instead of being so selfish.

This is the type of God I wish there was, and this is the type of savior that the bible actually describes. He accepts everybody for who they are but tells them they can always do better for themselves. He heals people trying to hurt him ("I love you by default!"). He loves everybody, and as a way to bond with others, he enjoys, "smokin, drinkin and chillin."  It makes sense; Jesus was all about drinking wine and eating with his homies. He may be omnipotent and have eternal life, but he's still human.

And his human feelings are hurt at one point when it becomes apparent that his friends are only hanging out for the drinking and smoking. The problem is they can't bear to be around his constant preaching because they don't see the point if he can't help them pay rent.

If Jesus was real and did come back, this is exactly how he would be treated.

"I know you're the son of God and all, but what can you do for me now Jesus?"

Overall, the show has a positive view of Jesus and faith. Everything works out for those who believe in him. He can perform miracles. He spreads love. However, the show is not afraid to question faith, either. Jesus's friend Boonie is always getting the shit end of every situation, and he lets everyone know how much it sucks to be Jesus's friend. Jesus gets all the praise and love but does no actual work. Everybody gives Jesus all the credit but Boonie and Fish and the rest of the crew are the ones doing all the work for him, like pushing his raggedy old van to the other side of the street to avoid parking tickets.

The show isn't always great, many of the plots fall into typical sitcom tropes, but the potential greatness of the show is apparent in the subtle condemnations of religious faith in its best scenes. The show illustrates a notion I came to terms with long ago, when I still had some faith: praying to God is cool and all, but when it comes down to it, you have to act in order to get what you want out of life. You can't expect Jesus to do the work for you. He's always got your back and he'll pick you up when you're feeling down, but he's not going to pick up that shovel and help you plant the vegetables for the community garden. You have to do that yourself. And Jesus will be there with a 40 and a blunt cheering you on and explaining how this is all for the betterment of mankind.

It's a heartwarming thought, and it makes for a great show.

I Love You All (I'm Like Jesus in a Sense)...Class Dismissed.

Blackjack as a Metaphor for Life

I don't often go to the casino anymore, but on a recent casino trip, I won a bunch of money. I only used a $15 voucher to make my initial bet on blackjack, and I took it from there. That streak of good luck made me feel like I knew a thing or two about a thing or two, and I'm going to share those things with you.

To me, the connection between winning the game of Blackjack and being successful in life is readily apparent. The cards are stacked against you and sometimes no matter what you do, you will lose. The key to winning blackjack, ergo life, is playing with others, not against them. It's a non-zero sum game. You are all trying to beat the dealer, and the other players' winnings don't take away from your winnings; in fact, when done right, all players will win (there's a chance you will all lose despite what you do, but that's why life, and gambling, is so fun! Right? Right?!). When all players view themselves as part of a team, united against the dealer, everyone has a better chance of winning. We can apply that lesson to life in general. When people unite against a common enemy or problem, there is more chance of defeating that problem. Pretty obvious connection. Let's dig a little deeper.

We all learn the dangers of selfishness as early as preschool. Unfortunately, many of us forget those lessons as we get older, or grow to believe that the idea of selflessness is naive. We all have to get ahead in life, and in an unfair world, many of us come to the conclusion that being successful involves being a little selfish. Well, when you play blackjack selfishly, you might win that specific hand where you hit when you should have stayed, but you probably made two people lose when they should have won, and you messed up the rest of the deck. It's no surprise when the dealer then gets three blackjacks in a row, all because "it's my money and I'll play however I want!"

On this particular night, I had one dealer who slowly dealt each card and encouraged the players to make certain moves, following the "book."  I've learned to always listen to dealers like this; it's important in blackjack, and life, to learn who's advice to trust. Dealers want you to win because they work off tips, and people don't tip when they lose. A few people at the table, mostly those who played for a few hands then moved on, refused to listen to her advice because of their "gut" feeling. Needless to say, there was a reason those people only stayed for a few hands. They sucked. In reality, we see this all the time, and unfortunately, it happens with people in positions of power. How many politicians and lawmakers ignore scientific data and evidence because they just "know" something is right or wrong? People ignore evidence and history because they have a feeling.

I'll just leave this unrelated picture here...

The point is, playing blackjack is like buying drugs: listen to any dealer who takes the time to explain the game/drug to you. They want you to win/get high and keep coming back for more.

Even worse than people ignoring a kind-hearted dealer is when people listen to their annoyingly optimistic drunk friend or their overly concerned conservative spouse; both will cost you money. You need to be right in the middle and these people are pulling you to the extreme. For every guy who put all his money on one hand and won, there's a thousand who lost their life savings. And for every wife or husband who told their spouse not to double down when they should have, there's a dozen or so spending their spouse's winnings on slots.

Alcohol also plays a part in the stupid decision making at the tables (casinos aren't giving away alcohol because they like you). Alcohol intensifies the "gut" feeling. Drunk people are so fucking sure that the next card will be a face card because they need it to be. Alcohol and desperation are the worst traits in a gambler, and to keep this metaphor going, they are pretty horrible traits in general. A desperate drunk is the worst, and they seem to be the most common type of gambler. There's not much you can do about desperate drunks except avoid playing with them. Of course, they always have a way of finding you and fucking up your deck, but just do your best to avoid them, and more importantly, avoid becoming one of them.

Much like a teenager in a yacht, you feel a lot better when you win, despite whether you had anything to do with it. There's not much difference between a loser and a winner, though. The main difference is luck (the real losers are the ones that go beyond their means). That's really it. And gamblers know it; they have more superstitions and reasons for winning or losing than the 1989 Cleveland Indians.

And after winning a little bit, you feel like you got the answers and can maybe even write a blog post, even though it was all stupid luck and a generous dealer. The fact is, I walked away with very little winnings from blackjack, despite the dealer's help. Luckily, I made three large (stupid) bets on the roulette wheel and won each time. So maybe roulette is the real allegory for life?

Whatever. The point is, winning begets winning, and losing begets losing. When you lose, you become desperate, and we know what happens with desperate gamblers. When you're winning, you're more confident and relaxed and more likely to make better decisions. The real key to winning is walking away. When you learn how to walk away while you're down (and even more difficult, walk away while you're up) that's when you become a "good" gambler. I walked away while I was up that night, but I went back a few weeks later and lost money. I was still up, considering the previous episode, but if I take that into consideration, I have to add up all my losses and wins over time, and that's not something I'm willing to do because the thought of it makes me cry a little inside. The fact of the matter is, whenever you gamble, the odds are not in your favor. Basically, gambling is pretty stupid. But our minds don't handle statistics very well, so we keep doing it, humping the American Dream and hoping for that one hand to take us to the promised land of paid bills, good credit, and maybe a new pair of shoes or two, nothing crazy.

I was going for the whole blackjack as life metaphor and I think I lost that somewhere, but you get the point. Don't be greedy (there's the connection!) don't be selfish, learn when to walk away, and listen to the right people. Easy enough, right? Let's all get some fresh kicks!

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Life is Good

Im just feeling really good right now. It's a week and a day after my 33rd birthday (and its actually my brother's 37th bday, Happy Day Mike!). Im listenin to my Curren$y/Smoke DZA "Jet Life" playlist (currently playing Michael Knight remix with Raekwon) drinking a Crown and Coke, gettin ready for kickball. I have great friends and a great family and a great job and another great job once september comes and a great place to live and an awesome lizard and a semi-retarded but really awesome dog and i really couldnt ask for anything more.
Yup. Thats all i really had to say. Wanted to share it.

Side note: I used to draw cartoons of people in really precarious/awful situations with the caption "Dont worry, Be happy." I remember one time in 6th grade my teacher caught me drawing one. She took it, looked at it, and laughed. I went from almost freaking out to being immensely proud. I shared every one with her from then on. It was a much different experience than when the recycling-education superhero Ray Cycle came to our school for an assembly and my 5th grade teacher caught me drawing a parody of him called "Ray Tarded". Yeah, she didn't like that.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

spring

A robin lay lifeless at the base of a tree

Peaceful.

The sun shining down

Mocking the symbol of spring's arrival

Or bringing new life to its meaning.

Life is beautiful

Carrying on despite the eventuality of death

Or because of it.

The fresh green grass sprouting up though the dried brown

The hot sun warming up the cold ground

Reminders of the past and the future lay all around.

Those eyes. Those eyes.

Those portals to nothingness

A reminder of what awaits us all

A reminder of what came before

The body remains as a memento
Left behind for the living

So moving in its stillness.

The sun shining down
Peaceful.

A robin lay lifeless at the base of a tree
The symbol of spring's arrival
The symbol of new life
Now representing death
Death is beautiful

(this is what happens when you're sick and you take a lot of dayquil/nyquil and watch way too much Dexter)

I Love You All...Class Dismissed