Tuesday, January 24, 2012


The semester has begun, so I'm now working an extra 6 hours a week, not including time for planning and corrections, which makes up the majority of my responsibilities as Professor, and consequently takes the most of my precious time. This does not bode well for my request. On top of everything, I just received a reminder of how fat I have become, and now I need to add exercise to my list of things to do (right after I finish Season 2 of Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, and Dexter). I try to eat well, but mostly it comes down to what is convenient and affordable. I make attempts to improve my diet, but exercise is much more crucial to me at this point. I've stopped eating mammals and I've considerably eased up on snacks (unless you count ice cream as a snack; it falls under "vital dairy product" for me) but I really need to exercise more. Take a look at this picture.

That's me on the right, in the middle of a seizure. Now, I know that most people tend to gain weight as they age, so that needs to be taken into account. Also, you have to keep in mind that my diet at that time consisted of Ramen Noodles, grilled cheese, cheap pasta (occasionally with sauce), corn-dogs from New Orleans Arena, and Hurricanes. Lots of Hurricanes. Not only did I not have money to spend on food containing nutrients that stayed in my system longer than 12 hours, but at that time of my life, I didn't need nutrition to survive. I don't know how I survived, actually. Probably on pure adrenaline and Bacardi.

Anyways, as I stated previously, I am making a triumphant return to the Big Easy, 10 years after I first visited, and 9 years after I lived there for 3 months (when this pic was taken). When my friend sent me the photo, I was shocked. I wasn't shocked that my friend and New Orleans roommate Nick Jake was wearing a light blue fisherman's Kangol, or that my other friend and New Orleans roommate Rizz had a blowout guid'fro (although those things are pretty shocking). I was shocked at how good I looked. I mean really good. Seriously, maybe I look normal size to you, and I know I was never actually "thin", but, let's take a look at me recently for a comparison:

Holy hell! Who is that fat bastard! I can almost hear the wheezing through the picture! I pulled a Mac from It's Always Sunny. And that was 10 months ago...it's only gotten worse.

So I need to get fit, but there's always that issue of time. And the fact that I hate working out. I stayed in shape when I was younger because I enjoyed playing sports. I still enjoy sports, but you can never get enough people together for a game, the gym costs money, outdoor basketball courts are awful, etc. These all sound like excuses, because they are, but I think they are pretty valid excuses. Regardless, I need to find a way to just get off my ass. My big, fat ass.

I have to manage my time better, and figure out what is important to me so I can focus on those things. Even though I hate running, lifting, or basically any physical exertion that doesn't end in orgasm, I need to motivate myself because the "Ben and Jerry's Everything But The..." pounds don't just disappear like they used to.

Unfortunately, managing your time and focusing on what's important is always harder than it sounds. It's why so many people never get around to doing the things they say they will "eventually get around to". Just as  you get a handle on one thing, some thing else pops up that requires your time and energy. I finally got around to writing again by starting this blog, but that was during a break from teaching. Now, school has started again and I have 48 essays to correct in the first week, and that's something I need to do or I won't have a job for very long. And if I don't have that job, I won't be able to do many other things I want to do, like pay for electricity at my condo. With no electricity, I can't write this blog from home, or watch my beloved shows; therefore, correcting papers becomes a priority.

I have no problem with that, it just means that I need to sacrifice some other things I like to do. Things like sleep, which is something I truly enjoy. However, science says you need 7-9 hours of sleep per night, and I gotta follow science. So I can't cut back too much on sleep.

Then there's everything else I mentioned previously, like movies, books, and other hobbies; at some point you gotta give up some of those things, or become much more discerning in what you choose to do.

Then there's the most important things in life, like spending time with friends and family and building relationships; you know, the stuff Ice Cube movies are made of.

No, I meant these.

I was never really good at keeping in touch with people. I don't like talking on the phone, and texting isn't much better. When I was very young, I just assumed that if you were important enough, I'd eventually see you and hang out, but that's just not the case, especially now. People don't just randomly hang out, they have important shit to do, or at least they should. Time slips by, and one day you realize you haven't seen a good friend in months; that's when you understand that you need to make time for your loved ones, it doesn't just happen.

I wish I had more time because I have some really cool people in my life. I apologize if I haven't made enough time for some of you. It is unintentional.

In fact, I just don't want you seeing me like this:

The lack of chin and neck is almost as disturbing as the fat on the eyelids, but not quite.

I'm gonna get better. Probably not at the staying-in-touch thing, but with this whole Jerry Lewis, water-head thing I got going on.

I Love You All (And We'll Hang Out Real Soon I Promise)...Class Dismissed.


Zach Potter said...

Shit I feel ya man. That was me six months ago. All you need to do is have a life changing event that get you depressed to the point of not caring about eating and lose your job so you have unlimited time for the gym. It worked for me! Seriously though I recommend bikram yoga. 90 minutes class you burn 1200 calories and get to stare at 10's all sweaty in yoga positions. If your sensitive to heat though I would suggest something else....it's pretty brutal. www.bikramct.com/

Prof.Thug. said...

When I got sick 2 years ago, after a week I looked great!
I've been thinking about checking out yoga for a while now...let me rephrase that...I've been thinking about checking out yoga so i can check out the women in yoga pants for a while now. yoga pants: one of man's greatest inventions.
i am not a big fan of the heat, but thanks for the suggestion. i gotta find something, and soon.