Be a Part of The Solution!

On Sunday, September 28th, Greater New Britain Teen Pregnancy Prevention, Inc. will be hosting its 16th Annual Pathways Walkathon.

I started working at Greater New Britain Teen Pregnancy Prevention, Inc.’s Pathways/Senderos Center (yeah, it’s a mouthful) in the summer of 2008. I had volunteered at the Center the previous summer, the same summer I started my own publishing company (which has been a smashing success; order my latest book now!). Coincidentally, my friend and college roommate Nick Jakubowski, who had recently started working at Pathways, wanted to start a writing project with the kids at his job. That summer, Pathways/Senderos and TH Circle Publishing released our first book: a collection of stories, anecdotes, and poems from the Pathways high school students titled, “Silenced Teen Voices Heard.” The next year, I was working full-time at Pathways, and we published another book, “Life + Love; Sex + Struggles.” These two books were funded by grants; unfortunately, we were unable to secure more grant funding for the project, but we were able to publish one last book in 2009: “Nobody But Us.” You can purchase all three books from the Pathways website:

www.pathways-senderos.com/SilencedTeenVoices.html

All proceeds from the books go to Pathways/Senderos.

Although we have been unable to publish more books since then, we do amazing things at the Center on a daily basis. Pathways/Senderos is a comprehensive teen pregnancy prevention program. Our mission is to prevent teen pregnancy, obviously, but that's a small part of what we do. We also aim to assure high school graduation and promote adult self-sufficiency. We help kids help themselves become successful adults. I am very proud of my job. I also truly enjoy my job. I see the benefit of what we do every day, and even more awesomely, the benefit of what we do on a long-term basis. The program is long-term, so our participants are in the program from 6th grade until they graduate high school. We get to watch them grow and mature and progress over a period of 7 years (longer really, because our graduates always come back to visit). It’s an amazing feeling to be a part of something so beneficial. If there is any solution to the cycle of poverty and teen parenting, Pathways/Senderos is it.

And now is your chance to be a part of the solution. On September 28th at Walnut Hill Park in New Britain, we are holding our annual fundraising event, the Pathways Walkathon. Our students, staff, board members, volunteers, and supporters gather behind the band shell for a 2 mile walk around the loop in the park. There will be refreshments, including apples and apple cider from Rogers Orchards, as well as a raffle. Prizes range from Stop and Shop gift cards to a free rental car (of your choosing) for a weekend (of your choosing) from Hoffman Auto.

All the proceeds from this event benefit the 60 boys and girls (and their families) that we serve on a daily basis. Money is important, but what would be even greater is a mass showing of support for these young boys and girls who are trying to make something of themselves. A huge group of people at the event will let these kids know they are a part of a community that cares about them.

Many of my friends and family have already donated or attended the event in the past, and several have expressed that they will be there this year. I don't know if they know how much it is appreciated, but I wanted to express my gratitude again. I am sincerely moved by your generosity.

Now I ask you all to consider attending this year's Walkathon, even if you never met me (Hi! My name is Geoff Elterich!) or never heard of Pathways/Senderos. Registration is at 9:30am, and all we ask is a $20 donation. If you can’t make it, please consider a donation, which you can easily make on our website.

I am proud to say that the work I do is important. More than that, these kids are important to me. I took this job because it let me start at 10am, had good benefits, and one of my best friends was working there. I still love this job after 6 years, partly for those same reasons, but mainly because it has transformed me from someone who was going through life without much care or direction, to someone who cares deeply about the world and the people around me. There’s no way I can pay that back, but I can pay it forward by spreading the message of Pathways/Senderos.

I hope to see you on the 28th. Peace.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Slacktivism on Ice

The ice bucket challenge. Since I saw the first video on my facebook feed last week, I've seen at least three a day. So fucking annoying, and just another example of slacktivism, as the HuffPo blogger says in this article. Instead of actually doing any good for the cause, people are just doing this stupid little video to post on their wall and make themselves feel better. Fuck those videos!

But you know what? Fuck that blogger. As he so casually admits yet seems to ignore, the ALS Association has seen four times the amount of donations this year compared to last. Four times! That means this fucking challenge is working, better than anyone could have imagined! And people are having fun while doing it! What the hell is wrong with that? And what the hell is wrong with you people complaining about the videos?

And by you people, I'm including myself, because I was hating on them, too. At first, I almost completely agreed with the HuffPo blogger, until I discovered it was working exactly as it was intended. People are talking about Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis for the first time since Lou Gehrig died, and money is being raised to find a cure. Neither would have happened without these videos.

So fuck that blogger. He just sounds bitter because he got sucked into the whole Kony debacle. Kony was an example of slacktivism, and it can be a problem to real charity and social work, but this ain't Kony, and this isn't some internet petition. The blogger says all this challenge is doing is getting people to talk, as if talking about an issue isn't the first step to solving the issue. As if he's not just talking, out of his ass I might add, since he spouts his nonsense theory while glossing over the most important fact: IT'S RAISING MONEY!

Half of my facebook feed is filled with videos, and the other half is filled with posts expressing outrage about the videos. It's kind of odd, but I get it. I'm on the internet a lot, and I see all the viral videos and all the memes, usually early on. I get sick of them very easily. On top of that, some part of me wants to bring people down when they are having fun (the Harlem Shake made me want to Harlem strangle people). Take all that, plus the issue of slacktivism, and this challenge was like my kryptonite.

But charity, especially for medical conditions, is very near and dear to my heart, so I had to know if the challenge was actually working, and after literally the most minimal amount of research possible, I discovered that it is. This isn't slacktivism. Slacktivism is tweeting out hashtags and messages of support for things but not actually doing anything to help the cause. Money is absolutely the best way to help a cause like this, and people are donating money. That's activism. As far as the issue of being annoying, is the minor inconvenience to me really more important than helping people with ALS? Get over yourself jerk. Secondly,  scroll past the videos. I dont have to watch any of them, so how can I possibly be mad at that?

But I was, and that's part of the internet culture. Things get popular real quick then become instantly hated by a good portion of the population. When I put aside my automatic negativity toward popular social videos and memes and realized how successful the challenge has been, I've come to appreciate the fact that people are doing something positive.

Yes, people should just donate out of the goodness of their hearts year round (or right now!) but sometimes it takes something fun and out of the ordinary and social to motivate people. The ALS Association found something that works, so how can people possibly be upset? I saw a girl's post that said if anyone gave her the challenge, she would return a nice "fuck you" on their facebook wall. Holy shit! This is a charitable cause for people with a crippling disease we are talking about here. Chill out! #IceBucketChallengePuns

Hopefully, all those people who got mad at the videos and said things like, "I would rather just donate!" actually donated, otherwise they are the worst kind of complaining trolls. By the way, most people I know who did a video donated, too, so again, what are we mad at?  This stupid viral video worked! Congratulate yourselves, people of the internet!

Shoutout to all those who did the challenge and/or donated.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

The Turtles as a Lesson in Child Development

Recently I was talking with my friend about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He was excited about the upcoming movie because his 6 year old son is a huge Turtles fan, and I was excited because I'm apparently 6 years old.

He told me his son's favorite Turtle was Michaelangelo, and it got me thinking about the classic cartoon and movie. To be honest, it doesnt take much to get me thinking about the original Turtles cartoon and movie, this just gave me a more logical reason to do so.

Michaelangelo was also my favorite character, and I always wondered what made people gravitate to individual Turtles. Everyone has a favorite, and I truly believe it has a lot to do with when your Turtle viewing begins. So I did some research (I've been doing research for this article for 27 years) and what I discovered may shock and astound you. Probably not, but maybe you'll find it interesting.

The amazing fact of the matter is, each Turtle represents a stage in childhood development. Although they are called teenagers, they act much younger, and in their early incarnations in the cartoon and movies, the intended audience was always younger than teenagers.

The cartoon started in 1987 when I was 7 years old. The audience for TMNT is approximately ages 6-11, which is considered middle childhood, and each Turtle is a representation of the ages within this developmental stage.

My favorite character was/is Michaelangelo because I started watching at the very earliest stages of middle childhood. 6-7 year olds are very playful and goofy; during this age, there is an increased desire for acceptance, which often causes children to act out in very silly ways. As we all know, Mikey is very silly, a party dude even, so he captures the essence of 6-7 year old kids perfectly. He wears orange, the brightest of all the colors, and one that is not particularly threatening. He is the class clown, the goofball of the bunch, but he is also a big part of the team and never lets his friends down. At this age, kids are starting to pay more attention to friendships and teamwork. At the same time, they are showing more independence from their parents and family. Splinter, as their father figure, is constantly scolding Mikey for his silly behavior, but even he can't stay mad at the little scamp because Mikey clearly cares about his friends and the greater good.

Yeah you!

Plus, Mikey uses nunchuks. Every little kid wants nunchuks!  They are a lot less deadly than the blades used by his friends and they look so cool (although those facts do little to help the inevitably bruised nuts every kid gets when trying them for the first time).

As a child gets older, their favorite Turtle often changes (mine changed on a daily basis until college) and the second Turtle to be loved and admired is usually Donatello. He can also be very silly (remember the pork rinds scene in the original movie?). Mikey and Donatello are clearly the jokesters, staying out of the serious conversation of their more mature pals. He uses a long stick as a weapon, something any (every) young boy has mastered by age 8, and one that is still not that deadly. He wears purple, a more serious color than orange, but still not threatening. In the movie, he is voiced by perennial man-child Corey Feldman, which proves my point more than anything else I'll say here.

It's okay pal, he was a global star at one point!

Like Mikey, Donatello shows independence while at the same time starting to understand the benefits of teamwork. From ages 6-8, children begin to understand more about their place in the world, and as that pork rind scene shows, Mikey and Donatello understand that they are not the leaders. They understand their roles in the team and they accept them.

Lastly, during this stage, there is less focus on one's self and more concern for others. In the movie, once Rafael gets beaten up, they calm down with the goofball antics and show a serious concern for their friend.

The next age range in the middle childhood developmental stage is about 9-11.
During this stage, the favorite becomes Leonardo. He is dark blue, the stereotypical boy color, and it also gives him a slightly more menacing look. At this age, children begin to see the point of view of others more clearly, which helps him as the leader of the group. He clearly tries to be the moral leader of the group; he is corny and straight-laced, but he does what is best for the team at all times. He also carries the deadliest weapon because he is responsible enough to handle it.

Finally, kids usually come around to Rafael. He's the moody, rebellious kid. He's cool, but rude. As the corresponding age group would suggest, he's constantly trying to break free from authority, clashing with Leo and going out on his own. Rap super-group Partners in Khryme actually call him the leader in the movie's theme song, Turtle Power, from the platinum selling soundtrack (yes, platinum selling) so kids respect that. He also wears blood red and uses knives (sai). He's a straight up gangster, and, he's into girls.

And Father Time says he chose well.

He is the hero to 11 year old boys everywhere.

Ok, you don't have to be so smug about it dude.

In all honesty, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were a big part of my childhood. I watched the cartoon religiously, I got all the action figures, I saw the movie when it first came out (and the second one unfortunately). I write this because I want to get page views I'm a little concerned about the new, Michael Bay produced movie. Not because I think I might not like it, that's beside the point. I'm not the intended audience. Ok well, I probably am, but nostalgic old men shouldn't be the intended audience. The Turtles were a weird, cheesy (ha! they loved pizza...cheesy...get it?) phenomenon for kids. The new movie goes with the now decade long obsession with turning everything dark and gritty (thanks Christopher Nolan!). The cartoon and original 2 movies (we won't discuss the 3rd, but at least it kept the spirit of the franchise) were very corny and campy and kid friendly. The new one is dark and violent. Megan Fox is April O'Neil for chrissake. April is supposed to be girl-next-door pretty in a yellow trench coat. Megan Fox is porn star hot with titties out. Wait... I'm complaining about this?? Jeezus I'm old.

Old conservative man complaints aside, the new movie looks like it takes itself way too seriously. Yes, the original comic was dark and gritty, but that was for a more mature audience. It started as a black and white, noir-like comic, like Sin City. Did you see that fucking movie? That shit ain't for kids. The Turtles shouldn't be Sin City.

Even as a kid, I realized the Turtles was one of the dumbest, most absurd ideas ever, but it was a lot of fun because of its idiocy. Talking ninja turtles named after Renaissance artists with a talking rat as a leader, fighting a living can opener? What the hell?! Parents didn't really get it, but it was all innocent fun, so they went along with it. It would be a shame if kids miss out on that innocent idiocy.

But what do I know. I'm sure it's gonna make a billion dollars and all the little boys will love the intense violence and Megan Fox. I would have.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Kill Your Thoughts aka Editing

The hardest thing about writing is editing. Ok, the hardest thing is getting started. No, the hardest thing about writing is research. Actually...

You get the point. There is nothing easy about writing. There are so many facets to writing, and all of them are important in creating a satisfactory finished product. Each stage of the writing process contains a variety of difficulties; editing is just the final stage, and the most important.

Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be a writer. What I never wanted to be was an editor, and nobody told me that all writers are editors.

All aspects of writing are frustrating, but editing is by far the most humbling. One misconception of writers is that they are "natural" and "born to be a writer." I disagree wholeheartedly; they may enjoy it more than those who don't write, but it never comes easy. It's hard work coming up with ideas and it's even harder getting those ideas down in a way that makes sense to others and expresses your true sentiments. So after all that work, the last thing you want to do is change the majority of it. You just busted your ass writing something, you don't want to reread it, you don't want to work on it anymore, and you definitely don't want to admit that it sucks.

Yet that is exactly what you need to do. When you're a professional writer, you have an editor and a lot of experience dealing with criticism and harsh revisions. As a student, you have the benefit of a teacher helping you edit, and even if the teachers' critiques are harsher than you expect, in a classroom there is an understanding that you will be judged on your work. Even in those situations, however, self-editing is still vital, and it can be an exercise in self-loathing and masochism. Sometimes you craft what you think is a perfect sentence, only to realize it doesn't fit with the rest of your paragraph, and you need the courage to get rid of that beautifully constructed combination of words. If you're honest, you will tear your own work to shreds, giving yourself even more work. It's a Sysiphean task, which is why I love it.

My first experience with the humbling editing process was my 8th grade graduation. I was tasked with making a speech by the principal of my elementary/middle school, Dr. Zoe Athanson (RIP). I spent several days and nights putting together a groundbreaking, mindblowing speech that would have my classmates and their families alternating between fits of crippling laughter and uncontrollable crying. I brought it to her office a few days before graduation with a cheesy grin, full of pride and self worth. She had me sit down in her office while she read it. She took out a pen and quietly, methodically, started scribbling, draining my self esteem with each swipe of her pen. After about 10 minutes, she gave it back to me, completely changed. The general ideas were the same, but the wording and structure were completely different. I didn't even recognize my own writing. Without telling me outright, her edits basically told me, "You don't want to embarrass yourself out there, so here's something more acceptable."

It stung a little bit. I figured she considered me a good writer since she asked me to write something, yet she clearly thought I was garbage.

After I got over my hurt feelings, the experience had a strange effect on me. I always considered myself a good writer (the qualifications included: writing on my own time) but this gave me a glimpse at reality. Just because you do a thing and you like doing that thing doesn't mean you do that thing well. I was hurt by her revisions, but the experience made me want to do better. I didn't want to be passing off her work as my own. I felt bad saying someone else's words; okay, I felt bad until the speech, then I owned it. Staring at all the people staring at me, I was just happy as hell not to be reading the crap I wrote.

In actuality, she had simply edited my paper, helping the golden nuggets that were my ideas shine through more clearly. I have since learned to do that more on my own, and I realized that my experience was something that all writers must face. At some point we have to confront the fact that we are not that good, and we need to improve. That's as hard a reality to accept in writing as it is in life.

I also learned how much editors actually do for writers. Some classic writers are rumored to have been extremely sloppy; are we really idolizing their work or the work of their editors? A lot of writers are upfront about how much their editors do for them; on the other hand, other writers are almost obsessive compulsive about editing their own work, never letting more than a few people see it until it is "perfect" in their minds.

Regardless, all writers realize the importance of editing,whether they do it themselves or with outside assistance. It is important to remember that revising is a separate mental process from creating, which is why it helps to have someone else edit your work at some point in the process. It's also why many editors are not the best writers and vice versa. Editing and creating use two completely different parts of the brain. It is impossible (well, certainly not productive, anyway) to edit while writing. Get everything out on paper, no matter how it sounds, then go back and work on it. That's the greatest part about a first draft: it can be complete trash and eventually turn into a classic.

 

First draft of George Orwell's 1984.

When you set out to write, remember James Thurber's words: "Don't get it right, get it written." You can get it right eventually, but you have to get it down, get it out there. We're all great writers in our heads, but nobody can read your mind. As Margaret Atwood said, "If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word." The greatest thing about writing is that you don't have to get it perfect the first time, or even second time, because there is the implicit agreement that you make when you start writing that you will respect the work, and yourself, enough to revise until it is right.

Or until you are absolutely sick of it and ready to set fire to your computer. That's when you know you are becoming a writer.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

The Trick to Life

"Be nice," is one of the more annoying platitudes in life. Every time I hear it I'm transported back to kindergarten play time. It's similar to "be careful" in the sense that we hear it so much (especially from authority figures) that it loses all meaning. It's extremely vague to begin with; what is "nice" anyway? It could be a million things to a million different people. Not to mention, these phrases don't help when it comes to outside influences. That tractor trailer blew through the red light and plowed into your Nissan and didn't give the slightest fuck about how careful you were. And no matter how nice you treat Bruce McShitstain during lunch period, he still gives you an atomic wedgie. So what's the point of even trying?

When it comes to being nice, there is a point. It's the whole point of living, in fact.

I just watched the entire first season of Maron on Netflix. It is a quasi-autobiogriographical account of the comedian Marc Maron's life, in the style of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Really, in the style of all "angry white guy strolls around and interacts awkwardly with others while pontificating on the peculiarities of life" shows(Curb, Louie) and I'm a sucker for all that shit. In the show, and in real life, Maron has a podcast where he interviews comedians and talks about his messed up life, especially his ex-wives and his former drug addiction. Maron is trying to become a better person by working though his issues. It's not easy, and he usually makes things worse, but there is an uplifting aspect to the show that keeps the viewers interested. Nobody wants to see some loser shlepping around and continually being a loser, we want some kind of arc in the characters we watch. Even Larry David grows as a person over the course of the series. He's still a complete neurotic asshole, but he also gives a kidney to his friend and takes in victims of Hurricane Katrina. He has an arc.

And we should want that arc for ourselves. When a character in a movie or show remains static and doesn't try to improve (whether they succeed or not) we get bored, but oftentimes, we're perfectly happy remaining static in our own lives. Even if our lives suck, many people would rather stay in the rut than make any attempt to get out of it, because trying is hard. Making improvements is hard. And that's not sarcasm, I'm completely serious. Trying to improve your own life is one of the hardest things in the world to do, but it's also one of the most important, and when you think about it, it should be your one absolute goal in life. Improve. Always improve.

It doesn't always work out, and sometimes we have to take one step back to get two steps forward (shoutout V.I. Lenin and MC Skat Kat) but I believe it is that struggle to do better that defines people, even those not trying to do better. Especially those not trying.

And I'm not just talking about financial or career success, although that's a part of it. I'm talking about becoming a better person. I believe that most of us want to do it, some are just more proactive about it than others. How many smokers have you heard say, "I'm trying to quit," or "I want to quit." Just because the majority don't actually quit, or lose weight or whatever, doesn't mean they don't want to or that they are not trying. Even those who are proactive oftentimes relapse, just ask any recovering addict; it's a never-ending torment. People who are unemployed, or unhappy at their jobs, or unhappy in their relationships, they want to change and improve, they just don't have the willpower or the know-how, and maybe outside forces are working against them, or maybe it's a combination of reasons. Life is just really hard. Waaah. (Seriously though.)

Unlike many people, I believe that humanity as a whole is improving and we are living in the best time to be alive; however, that doesn't negate the fact that being happy and successful is extremely difficult for the majority of people.

Everyone struggles. Some people have a much harder struggle, but all of us have some kind of personal struggle we deal with every single day. Don't discount other people's struggles. And be nice.

That kindergarten cliche is really the key to life. I promise. So does Robert Fulghum. No matter your outlook on life, being nice will help you become happier and more successful. Those who are naturally nice are better off, because they just get to act natural and it pays off for them. I'm naturally kind of an asshole, but at least I'm trying.

Now, even if you look at it from a pessimistic, selfish angle (or a "business-minded" angle, if you will) being nice is still in your favor. You want people to be on your side because you need them, whether it's to do work for you, or buy something from you, or maybe protect you from the Bruce McShitstain in your life, and the easiest way to get their trust and loyalty, or business, is to be nice. You catch more flies with honey and all that (even though that phrase has actually been proven inaccurate, the meaning behind the idiom is still true). What you put out in life is what you receive, and even if you're faking your niceness for your own benefit, when you do it long enough, it becomes natural and right. Besides, it's contagious, so you really can't help it.

I'm basically just reminding everybody of the golden rule and letting everyone know that being treated nicely is the best way to be treated. So be nice everybody. Take it from this kid...

Wouldn't life be better if we all acted like that?

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

Blackjack as a Metaphor for Life

I don't often go to the casino anymore, but on a recent casino trip, I won a bunch of money. I only used a $15 voucher to make my initial bet on blackjack, and I took it from there. That streak of good luck made me feel like I knew a thing or two about a thing or two, and I'm going to share those things with you.

To me, the connection between winning the game of Blackjack and being successful in life is readily apparent. The cards are stacked against you and sometimes no matter what you do, you will lose. The key to winning blackjack, ergo life, is playing with others, not against them. It's a non-zero sum game. You are all trying to beat the dealer, and the other players' winnings don't take away from your winnings; in fact, when done right, all players will win (there's a chance you will all lose despite what you do, but that's why life, and gambling, is so fun! Right? Right?!). When all players view themselves as part of a team, united against the dealer, everyone has a better chance of winning. We can apply that lesson to life in general. When people unite against a common enemy or problem, there is more chance of defeating that problem. Pretty obvious connection. Let's dig a little deeper.

We all learn the dangers of selfishness as early as preschool. Unfortunately, many of us forget those lessons as we get older, or grow to believe that the idea of selflessness is naive. We all have to get ahead in life, and in an unfair world, many of us come to the conclusion that being successful involves being a little selfish. Well, when you play blackjack selfishly, you might win that specific hand where you hit when you should have stayed, but you probably made two people lose when they should have won, and you messed up the rest of the deck. It's no surprise when the dealer then gets three blackjacks in a row, all because "it's my money and I'll play however I want!"

On this particular night, I had one dealer who slowly dealt each card and encouraged the players to make certain moves, following the "book."  I've learned to always listen to dealers like this; it's important in blackjack, and life, to learn who's advice to trust. Dealers want you to win because they work off tips, and people don't tip when they lose. A few people at the table, mostly those who played for a few hands then moved on, refused to listen to her advice because of their "gut" feeling. Needless to say, there was a reason those people only stayed for a few hands. They sucked. In reality, we see this all the time, and unfortunately, it happens with people in positions of power. How many politicians and lawmakers ignore scientific data and evidence because they just "know" something is right or wrong? People ignore evidence and history because they have a feeling.

I'll just leave this unrelated picture here...

The point is, playing blackjack is like buying drugs: listen to any dealer who takes the time to explain the game/drug to you. They want you to win/get high and keep coming back for more.

Even worse than people ignoring a kind-hearted dealer is when people listen to their annoyingly optimistic drunk friend or their overly concerned conservative spouse; both will cost you money. You need to be right in the middle and these people are pulling you to the extreme. For every guy who put all his money on one hand and won, there's a thousand who lost their life savings. And for every wife or husband who told their spouse not to double down when they should have, there's a dozen or so spending their spouse's winnings on slots.

Alcohol also plays a part in the stupid decision making at the tables (casinos aren't giving away alcohol because they like you). Alcohol intensifies the "gut" feeling. Drunk people are so fucking sure that the next card will be a face card because they need it to be. Alcohol and desperation are the worst traits in a gambler, and to keep this metaphor going, they are pretty horrible traits in general. A desperate drunk is the worst, and they seem to be the most common type of gambler. There's not much you can do about desperate drunks except avoid playing with them. Of course, they always have a way of finding you and fucking up your deck, but just do your best to avoid them, and more importantly, avoid becoming one of them.

Much like a teenager in a yacht, you feel a lot better when you win, despite whether you had anything to do with it. There's not much difference between a loser and a winner, though. The main difference is luck (the real losers are the ones that go beyond their means). That's really it. And gamblers know it; they have more superstitions and reasons for winning or losing than the 1989 Cleveland Indians.

And after winning a little bit, you feel like you got the answers and can maybe even write a blog post, even though it was all stupid luck and a generous dealer. The fact is, I walked away with very little winnings from blackjack, despite the dealer's help. Luckily, I made three large (stupid) bets on the roulette wheel and won each time. So maybe roulette is the real allegory for life?

Whatever. The point is, winning begets winning, and losing begets losing. When you lose, you become desperate, and we know what happens with desperate gamblers. When you're winning, you're more confident and relaxed and more likely to make better decisions. The real key to winning is walking away. When you learn how to walk away while you're down (and even more difficult, walk away while you're up) that's when you become a "good" gambler. I walked away while I was up that night, but I went back a few weeks later and lost money. I was still up, considering the previous episode, but if I take that into consideration, I have to add up all my losses and wins over time, and that's not something I'm willing to do because the thought of it makes me cry a little inside. The fact of the matter is, whenever you gamble, the odds are not in your favor. Basically, gambling is pretty stupid. But our minds don't handle statistics very well, so we keep doing it, humping the American Dream and hoping for that one hand to take us to the promised land of paid bills, good credit, and maybe a new pair of shoes or two, nothing crazy.

I was going for the whole blackjack as life metaphor and I think I lost that somewhere, but you get the point. Don't be greedy (there's the connection!) don't be selfish, learn when to walk away, and listen to the right people. Easy enough, right? Let's all get some fresh kicks!

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

EMT was ME

My time as an Emergency Medical Technician seems like a distant dream, but it has forever shaped me in some ways. I volunteered as an EMT for only about 2 years (including training) but a lot can happen in that small period of time, especially in a position where death is all part of the daily routine.

I encountered death several times as an EMT, which made me confront my own mortality in a more immediate way than I ever had before. I have luckily not had many deaths in my close family or circle of friends. When family members have died, it has been mostly in old age, which takes some of the sting out of the loss. Those deaths were painful, but expected, and about as "positive" an experience one can have with death (both my grandmothers were in their 90s when they died, so even though they missed the Willard Scott birthday shout-outs, they lived long, happy lives). The deaths I encountered in my time as an EMT are as close to understanding that immediate, unprepared feeling of loss as I have gotten or want to get.

Although these people were not family or friends, or even acquaintances, their death still has an impact. Emergency responders have a responsibility towards people. When a person doesn't make it, even though he or she may have had no chance despite any intervention, there is a feeling of failing that person.

There is the feeling of loss too, especially if there are other family members around. On one occasion, we went to an apartment where a man was on the floor, unresponsive for quite some time. I started on chest compressions while my partner gave artificial breaths, all while the man's wife was in the same room screaming, asking us over and over again if her husband was dead and if we were going to save him. I felt her suffering as if it was my own. Even though I didn't know them in life, in death I was now a part of their story.

Seeing a loved one's pain obviously makes the death more personal, but just being in someone's apartment or house gives you that sense of loss. You are there to help, but you are still encroaching upon their territory and into their lives. I have entered their world, and I now have a connection with them. Its strange, and powerful, and very sad sometimes. You feel the energy in the house as if it is a living entity (if you believed my college Creative Writing professor, homes are living entities). The sense of loss pervades the house. And if there are any family pets, forget about it.

Just being there with the dead or dying is an intense feeling. When a man died at a nursing home, I was one of the last people to be with him in his dying moments. That is a powerful feeling. And strange. And sad. Those are really the three most prevalent emotions as a first responder. What if that's how I end up? Alone in a nursing home, my legs turning green and crusty because of a lack of circulation, dying in the presence of two strangers. That is a question you try not to ask yourself. That type of question is also why most EMTs (most people in the medical field really) often have a sick sense of humor. Seeing death and misery everyday causes your brain to protect itself at all costs, and dark humor is a way of shielding the brain from drowning in depression.

Another thing that helps are the endless emergency calls. That may seem counter-intuitive, but it is the neverending nature of medical emergencies that keeps you from being overwhelmed by the tragedy of some calls. You can't contemplate and reflect on each problem (even death) for too long because you are on to the next call (there are some shifts that have long stretches of downtime, and we usually try to fill those with movies or sleep). There is no way to be completely objective and distant from the situations you are in, but the responsibility of the position makes you focus on the current situation, and that alone, which helps you get through any emotions from the previous call.

There's also just some funny moments that you'd never see in another line of work. Even in shitty situations, there are always moments that lighten the mood or add a sense of surrealism that forces you to smile or shake your head and keeps you from being overcome by misery. One night, we got a call about an accident on the Berlin Turnpike. A sedan with a drunk driver attempted to leave the parking lot of the Carrier Motel and was T-boned by a minivan traveling northbound on the Turnpike. The car was spun around and somehow sent back towards the parking lot and into the side of the motel. When we arrived, some cops were talking with the two passengers of the minivan and others were looking for the driver of the sedan; they had not found anyone in the car when they arrived.

So my partner and I began assessing the two passengers of the minivan. As we asked questions and took their vitals, we heard shouts from the police: "We got somebody over here!" The cops shouted for us to come over so we ran to the car still wedged against the building. Apparently, the driver (who wasn't wearing his seat belt obviously) was thrown into the space between the passenger seat and the glove compartment. The space was extra tight; the front end of the vehicle was smashed inwards, and the guy was almost squished underneath the seat. The police who first responded to the scene somehow missed him on their first search. The guy was motionless and obviously fucked up, but he responded with grunts to our questions.

Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for the 20 firemen that arrived, they needed the jaws of life to get him out. If you ever want to make a crew of firemen happy, let them destroy a car to remove somebody inside. They tore that car apart like a Christmas present, where the present was a barely living human.

While they did their thing, we gave the guy oxygen and tried to clean any wounds. After about 15 minutes, the firemen were able to remove the roof and doors and seats (I told you they tore it apart). We put a brace on his neck and got him out on a stretcher. If you're wondering why we took so long to get him out instead of just pulling him out (and after seeing enough videos of people pulling friends out of wrecked cars, I know a few of you are wondering) it's because pulling and twisting him would cause more damage than however much time passed while slowly and properly removing him. People in the medical field hate getting sued for trying to save somebody's life.

So we finally get the dumbass out of the car. The parking lot is kind of tight and there are numerous service vehicles in the lot: fire trucks, the fire department's SUVs, the paramedic's SUV, two ambulances, and random cars parked at the motel. In their excitement, the fire department had blocked everyone in with a giant fire truck. One of the younger firemen went to move it and 10 seconds later, a loud "crunch" caused everyone to stop what they were doing and look over towards the truck.

The rear door of the Fire Chief's SUV had been open and sticking outwards. It was positioned near the exit of the parking lot, and the firetruck apparently did not see this as it was backing up. The truck went directly into the door, tearing it halfway off and lifting the SUV two feet in the air.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, everyone erupted into laughter. Well, everyone but the fireman driving the truck. And the guy on the stretcher. He probably would have laughed if he didn't have broken ribs though.

That moment changed the whole tone of the night. Everyone was (rightfully) very serious up until that point. That little incident reminded us all that even tragedy is just a part of life and not to get too caught up in it or it will lead to mistakes. Luckily, this was not a very serious mistake. Even the Fire Chief had to laugh.

It's kind of odd thinking back on my time as an EMT. I never did anything like it before or since, and it had a profound effect on me. Even though I don't think about it directly very often, it has changed the way I think, probably permanently. I have seen so much sickness and I learned about so many different illnesses and conditions that every time I feel something wrong with my body, I think it's a horrible disease and I will be dead by morning. It's a common condition among people in the medical field called "knowing too damn much". You can't help but think the pain in your side is actually gonna be a ruptured gallbladder like that guy you took to the hospital the other day. It usually ends up being gas, but your mind always goes to the worst case scenario.

Regardless, I'm glad I did it. It was a great experience and I learned a lot. It will always be a part of me, a part in which I'm very proud.

Oh, and a little advice: always wear your seat belt and never ride motorcycles, unless you want to become one of the really cool, gruesome stories EMTs tell. 

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.