Please Stop Saying That!!! Part 2

Time again to discuss the words and phrases that are more played out than a Tori Amos cd on a lesbian honeymoon. The following words/phrases need to be flushed down the proverbial drain and out of our collective brains. Check out part 1 here!

These aren't offensive phrases, just offensively annoying. And if there's anything more offensive than being offensive, it's being annoying. So cut that shit out!


6. You're just butthurt! 

This image combines a dickhead phrase with a dickhead face...we have achieved Maximum Dickhead!

This was originally a funny response to somebody's whining. It came and went like most internet memes, but during the presidential election it resurfaced like the herpes blisters on your ex's upper lip, and then after the election it burst open onto the public's collective face. Most recently, it was commonly used as a diss towards the participants of the recent Women's March. It's another way of saying "you're upset because you got your ass beat"...or raped, depending on the level of assholeishness of the person who spouts it. It is an evolution of the "U MAD?" meme. Online, when people show any amount of emotion or passion, it is met with a flurry of accusations that they are overcome with emotions and not thinking clearly. So "you're just butthurt" is simply the latest iteration. Instead of engaging with whatever someone is saying, "you're just butthurt" dimsisses any legitimate complaints on the basis of emotional hysterics.

Most people who use the phrase, besides lacking in originality, like to believe that they are above thinking with emotions. "You're just butthurt!" is often followed by "stop getting so emotional" or the faux-intellectual, "Facts aren't affected by your feelings!" These people are such incredible human beings that they have completely transcended human emotions. In fact, they look down upon anybody who remotely expresses emotions.

Except, a human without emotions is called a psychopath. The psychopathic tendencies show themselves when someone complains about X, and then a moron chimes in with "you're just butthurt about Y." Let's take the most obvious example. If I say, "Trump's idea to build a wall on the Mexican border is the stupidest fucking idea in the long list of his stupid fucking ideas," eight out of ten times, someone will respond, "You're just butthurt Hillary lost!" Despite the fact that I never mentioned Hillary. Despite the fact that I didn't vote for Hillary. Despite the fact that Hillary voted for the Secure Fences Act that set the groundwork for this stupid fucking wall.

Some of these commenters are genuine psychopaths with no feelings. There's no use arguing with them. They claim to base their decisions on cold hard logic, despite the fact that that's not how decision making works. Plus, basing conclusions on logic alone doesn't make those conclusions any less susceptible to logical fallacies.

Most commenters aren't complete psychopaths (despite their support for a complete psychopath) and their feelings are all tied up into their arguments, too. Most of their "logic" is based on racial/gender bias. If you don't believe it, or if they refuse to acknowledge it, just call them racist and you'll see some emotions. Nothing brings out the anger in a racist like being called a racist. It makes me laugh. Oops, sorry, I showed emotion.

Yes, facts are important, and we should base opinions on factual evidence as much as possible. However, most of the people who use this term generally ignore facts as well, or they will use irrelevant facts to discredit an argument, making the original commenter angry, which is what they want. It's an endless cycle of assholeishness, hurt butts, and a general decline in humanity.


5. At the end of the day... 

Brando never asked for this.

This is a favorite in the sports world, but you also see it a lot in pseudo-insightful social media posts, such as the one above. I see it a lot now from people who want everyone to just get along: "There's no reason to argue. At the end of the day, we're all just people!" Wow, how insightful. We're all people at the beginning of the day, too. And in the middle. And the problem is that we have very different values and perspectives. Now what?

In the sports world, it's often used to discredit or ignore an entire argument or set of points that you don't agree with or don't want to engage, without saying you don't agree with it, or engaging with it in any meaningful way. "Yes, Russell Westbrook may average a triple double and lead a mediocre team to the playoffs, but at the end of the day, the fans didn't vote him as a starter for the All Star game and that's all that matters." It's a way of setting up what you believe to be the most (or only) important fact of the debate. It comes off as very condescending and dismissive. To me at least. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

I also just learned that "At the end of the day" is a song from Les Miserables, so, at the end of the day, it's a worse phrase than I thought!

Did I use it enough to make you hate it, too? Cool! Wait till this next one...


4. Look,

Look, I understand that public speaking isn't easy, especially speaking on live television. I get that, but look, you need to find another way to set up your points.

Look, all I'm saying is that a) it doesn't make much sense because what you really want is for people to listen, not look, and b) it's so overused to the point that nobody hears anything after you say look. We're just looking at you.

Look, is it the worst thing in the world to say? No. Some people need a ready-made segue, and this seems to be a favorite among sports commentators (and presidents). The next time you listen to a sports talk show, especially one with awful commentators (like the luckiest QB/Worst Commentator in the World, Trent Dilfer) count how many times they say "look" before they attempt to make a point. Some will say "look," make a point, then say "look" again! Look, man, I'm looking. Make your fucking point!

Look, I'm just trying to say look enough where it loses all meaning. I think it worked. I don't even know what look means anymore. Is it a fish? Is it something that you catch a fish with? Is look a jedi? Is it a planet a jedi would visit? What the hell does look meeeeeeaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn...


3. To be honest (TBH)

Do you normally lie? When you don't say 'to be honest" before or after a statement, should I assume you're being dishonest? Do you have a sense that most people don't believe you when you talk?

A lot of people say it to temper their statements, out of courtesy to the person they're talking to: "To be honest, I really don't enjoy your commentary, Trent." It gives statements a little extra force, but in a way that's almost apologetic. Many times the statement will even start with an apology: "Sorry, but I just don't like butt rape, to be honest." It's a way of explaining something you are saying without really explain anything. You're being honest, and that's all that matters.

As far as TBH, I don't mind text abbreviations for texting, but saying text abbreviations out loud is another sign of a psychopath. Larry David should have cleared this up for everybody a while ago, tee be aytch! El oh el!

Ess tee eff you!


2. This.

Not the word "this" itself, but when it is used, by itself, to accompany a shared article or post. Instead of explaining why they agree with a post or article, people will simply write, "This."

This.

Reporter/activist Shaun King is probably the worst at this (ha). I generally agree with the causes he champions, but I don't necessarily agree with all his tactics or opinions. The most annoying tactic is that he constantly shares posts and adds a simple "This." Sometimes he'll switch it up and put, "All of this." Or even, "This. All of this." Just share the damn post! You don't need to add anything if that's all your going to write. If you simply have to write something (maybe so people will like and share YOUR post instead of the original, hmmmm?) then explain why exactly you agree with it, or at least why you're sharing it. Or give a shout out to the author, or something!

This.

Even "yes" or "I agree" would be better. I get that it has become internet shorthand for "I agree with this" but what it's really trying to say, without giving specifics, is, "This right here is some hardcore truth. This is deep ass shit. This is going to blow all the ignorance and fear and hate right out of your hurt butt. Read this. Read this now."  Just say that. I'm much more likely to read it.

The pinnacle of annoyingness is when King (and others) share THEIR OWN POST and add "This." The first time they shared it wasn't sufficient, apparently. They need everyone to know that they missed out on some serious truth. What kind of megalomaniac tells people that they agree with their own work and that everybody else really needs to see it? That's Kanye levels of arrogance. Don't ever go full Kanye.


1. Fake news!

Fake news! The biggest story of the election! Fake news, fake news everywhere!

Come on people, now you're ruining memes and Toy Story!

Since the election, many people have insisted that fake news got Trump into the White House (in addition to racism, sexism, voter suppression, Russia, the FBI, and of course, a horribly run campaign by the opposition) "fake news" is all the rage. Not fake news itself, that's been around for a long time under various names: propaganda, misinformation, lies, CIA reports. It's only the term "fake news" that's recent. It started by calling out news reports that were actually fake, but now, anytime an uninformed loser sees an article they don't agree with, they jump on the comment section and spout "fake news!" as if they are the only ones with the unmitigated truth at their disposal and everyone else is a bunch of gullible suckers.

The fact is, there really is a lot of fake news and misinformation and propaganda out there. With the omnipresence of the internet as a news source, we have all been guilty of believing and sharing stories before verifying their authenticity. It doesn't help that some of the most trusted, historic media outlets have often fallen victim to fake news stories or pushed their own questionable stories.

Of course, now the biggest purveyors of fake news have completely co-opted the term and made it meaningless. When Breitbart is condemning "fake news," we are officially in The Twilight Zone. That was their goal all along: undermine the media and shape reality as they see fit. They attack the media (although they are part of "the media") while flooding the internet with fake news to the point where it's hard to tell credible stories from non-credible. And it's not just Breitbart; there are sites that published nothing but fake news talking about the plague of fake news.

Any time there's a negative story about Trump, his advocates simply scream "fake news!" His supporters aren't the only culprits, though. Anything someone doesn't like or agree with is written off as fake news. An article features a study that goes against our long held beliefs? Fake news! Simple! Now we can go on believing all the dumb shit we want to believe!

Again, there is absolutely a real problem with fake news and alternative truths. We should absolutely call it out when we see it. Maybe we can use a different term though? The trolls own "fake news." It's time to be more accurate: call propaganda propaganda; call lies lies. The term "fake news" has lost all meaning. Kind of like the term "American exceptionalism."


I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

The Power of Protest

This past weekend saw the stunning, worldwide success of the Women's March.

The spirit of 60s protest has been revived in America over the past few years, starting in earnest with Occupy Wall Street and picking up steam after the killing of Trayvon Martin and subsequent release of his killer. Since then, there have been numerous national protest movements, largely directed at stopping police brutality. After the election of the charlatan-in-chief, protests have gone further mainstream, with celebrities and regular Americans showing up en masse to Saturday's Women's March. 

As much as it was a stand against Frump, it was also a sign of solidarity with women and women's rights. I thought it was great and I hope it continues. People shouldn't and won't simply forget the comments Trump and many of his supporters made (and continue to make) that are not only offensive to women, but all of humanity, as well as the very fabric of reality itself. Even more offensive are his policies, which will have a disproportionately adverse effect on women and children. 

Of course, not everyone feels this way. Which is fine! I appreciate alternative opinions (not alternative facts, those are simply lies, you Revolutionary War cosplayer) when they are informed by true facts and honest reflection. I also see the necessity of a conservative view in politics and government. Any healthy democracy has balance and dissent. I have strong opinions, and I voice them (or at least write them) for my own sanity and to maybe help someone else formulate their own opinion. I don't discredit someone's humanity just because of a certain opinion they may have, but I will fully and strongly support my own perspective, and I'm not going to change my mind to make anybody comfortable. There are certain opinions and ideologies that outweigh any bonds I may have with someone. I know all of my true friends don't agree with me on everything (in most cases it's just a matter of degree, in others it's a case of complete disagreement) but the issues we disagree on aren't vital to my humanity, such as the importance of equality and diversity. They wouldn't be my friends otherwise.

The Women's March was interesting because it was vague enough so that being against it would mean you're kind of against women. That was genius! Who could be against women? Plenty of people, apparently. Obviously, many Dump supporters were not too fond of it because they realized this was a rally against Dump, his comments, and his policies. I think a lot of Dump's female supporters (53% of white women voted for Dump) were a little perplexed because they wanted to support women but didn't want to oppose Dump, not realizing (or accepting) that supporting Dump is indeed opposing women. It was a bit of an existential crisis, and hopefully, it made them question their decision.

Some people genuinely didn't know what the march was about, but many would "inquire" about it in a not-too-subtle derogatory manner; usually not enough to be openly offensive, but with a clear intent of devaluing the protest. I saw many comments like, "Why are they doing it now and not before the election? Why don't they wait until laws are actually changed? Why don't they wait until some other arbitrary time that still wouldn't satisfy my bullshit complaints anyway?" I made that last one up probably, but the others were common. If these curious cats really wanted to know what it was all about, there were plenty of sources to find out. Instead, they would purposely troll people who attended or showed support with questions disguised as genuine curiosity or concern and really intended to distract from and demean the massive show of solidarity.

But those questions are the least of the concerning statements I saw. There was a lot of push back from mostly white men disputing that a women's march is even necessary. "America is the best country in the world for women!" Even if that were true, does that mean things can't get better? That's another tactic to shut down protest. It's a tactic of abusive partners, too. Telling victims of oppression (any level of oppression) that they should appreciate how good they have it. It happens after every protest. After Black Lives Matter protests: "Oh you don't like it here, go back to Africa!" I saw guys telling women they should be protesting Saudi Arabia's treatment of women. I had never seen so many white men care about women's rights in Saudi Arabia until Saturday. Weird timing!

The idea is to convince people that what they're protesting really isn't that bad, or that it's not really an issue at all. Police brutality? You're lucky to have police! It used to be even worse, so get over it! "They" (as DJ Khaled would say) want you to believe things can never get better than they are right now, so don't even bother. Just accept everything as it is. There's no significant difference in how women are treated in this country! There's no push to restrict access to reproductive rights and services even though republicans literally ran on defunding Planned Parenthood! There's no "glass ceiling" in America! The percentage of female CEOs in the Fortune 500 is only 4% because men work harder and longer! Damn near 20% of Congress is female, so what's your problem, ladies?

The general idea that these complaints are trying to push forward is that sexism is over. It's the same mode of thinking that said racism was over because Obama won. Although, going by that logic, wouldn't it mean sexism is alive because Clinton lost? Logic isn't really their strong point, unfortunately.

Speaking of Clinton, that was another complaint. "They're just butthurt their candidate didn't win!" Well, engaging with this ridiculous complaint makes everyone a loser, but I'm willing to do so just so nobody else will have to (my posts end all debate on a given topic, right?). If people are mad their candidate didn't win, they have every right to protest, just as Obama's critics did. Although there were significantly less nooses and burning effigies during this protest. The Tea Party (the original and the knockoff) was created as a protest movement; I didn't agree with any of their stances, and their signs/outfits/hygiene were often sickening, but they had every right to protest.

Pictured: a perfectly valid protest based on an incredibly invalid complaint. 

Secondly, this was not about Clinton. Some people certainly expressed their continued support of her, but she was not the center of this movement. It was absolutely anti-Trump, but anti-Trump doesn't necessarily mean pro-Hillary (as my previous post explained. Come on people, you're clearly not reading my posts). Hell, half the people I know who voted for Clinton didn't really like her that much, they just didn't want Trump. Rightfully so.

I mean, she did get 3 million more votes...and people do have a legitimate gripe with the electoral college...and Russia and the FBI played some role in the election results, although the degree is certainly up for debate...but we'll leave all that alone.

Because of the broad scope of reasons behind the march, some people criticized it for a lack of focus. "You ask ten different people why they're marching and they give you ten different issues!" Right. There are a lot of issues that affect women. Again, that was part of its beauty. The idea was to unite a vast array of people passionately supporting a variety of important issues and recognizing that these disparate issues don't divide us, they make us stronger. There's a sense of empowerment in such large gatherings, and that alone is reason enough to march.

Some even tried to complain about it being too vulgar. Apparently, grabbing a pussy without consent and bragging about it is not vulgar enough to prevent someone from becoming president, but saying the word pussy or writing it on a cardboard sign is too vulgar for a protest.

All in all though, I saw less criticisms of this protest than most over the last few years. Maybe more people are beginning to understand the necessity of protest. Or maybe people are more accepting of mostly white female protesters. Cops certainly are. People tout the lack of arrests as a great thing, which it is I suppose, but it also speaks to what happens when police are supportive of protests instead of confrontational. When police are high-fiving protesters, you know the vibe is a little different than usual.

And don't give me that "well these protestors were being peaceful" bullshit. 
Ieshia Evans was in a damn prom dress. 

I wasn't surprised that there were no arrests for this march, but it was a bit odd seeing cops so supportive of a largely anti-Trump rally since 92% of cops voted for Trump. I wonder if cops told the protesters who they voted for. I wonder how many of the protesters voted for Trump. I wonder how many protesters condemned earlier protests in places like Ferguson and Baltimore.

Hopefully many of the women and men who showed up for the Women's March will show up or at least express their support for the next Black Lives Matter protests. The central tenets of both movements are very much aligned, and both movements need each other to make a lasting impact.

The biggest difference between these protests and the majority of protests with numerous arrests was the amount of people of privilege. Not only were there more white women than usual (a group of people that historically gets a little more leniency from police than let's say...everybody) but there were also a number of celebrities in attendance. My girl ScarJo was speaking out. That little gremlin Madonna was speaking out (which, in all honesty, doesn't help any cause) and many others. No cop is trying to be a subject of a celebrity's next project.

Cops respond a little less aggressively with celebrities, but the online complaints increase in aggressiveness when it comes to celebrities speaking out. The legendary, iconic Meryl Streep caught a bunch of heat for speaking out against Harrumph during a speech at an awards show. Award shows are the most meaningless event imaginable, and people got mad at what she chose to spend her 5 minutes talking about. The president-elect himself took the time to comment, instead of I don't know, taking intelligence briefings or something. That means her speech worked. Protests are supposed to get people talking about a topic. So if it comes from a celebrity or a twitter activist or a politician, the fact that people are discussing it means it is effective.

Generally, people want celebrities to shut up when they disagree with their own stance. If Streep was praising Trump, how many of his supporters would have said celebrities should stay out of politics? And, conversely, do you think so many people would have supported her if she praised Trump? Remember Michael Moore speaking out against the popular (at the time) war in Iraq at the Oscars? The "Hollywood elite liberals" largely booed him.

The media (those scalawags!) don't make it any better; they know that celebrities are just bait for our arguments, so they love to find the stupidest celebrities with the stupidest beliefs and give them airtime. Is there any reason for a Duck Dynasty cast member to talk about race relations in America? No. And no rational person would care to ask. But when some racist nonsense is splashed on the screen, people eat it up, either because they finally see someone with their views unafraid to voice them publicly, or they are utterly horrified and have to condemn it. Jimbo says the dumbest thing you've ever heard, and you just have to share it on Facebook with some angry redface emojis as the caption.

The reality is, in a world with the guy from Celebrity Apprentice as President (and the current guy from Celebrity Apprentice is an actor turned governor) nobody can ever tell a celebrity to stay out of politics ever again. This stupid complaint should've ended when Ronald Reagan, a B-list actor for decades before becoming a conservative spokesperson against "socialized medicine," was elected Governor and then president.

Athletes get it the worst. Colin Kaepernick is the latest and greatest athlete activist. He sparked a movement and dominated the nationwide discussion for weeks. I can't keep track of how many people shouted some variation of, "Shut up and play, boy!" Some of these same people posted images and quotes from Muhammad Ali when he passed. The nerve.

Nobody understands irony anymore. These people want to praise activists of the past and condemn those of the present, not realizing which side they are truly on. They are the villains in the movies from the 60s. They are the bad guys in Ali. In Selma. Of course, there's always a vapid excuse to explain away the glaring contradiction. "Things have gotten a lot better since then, they should appreciate how good they have it!" Or, "Well, they shouldn't protest in that way!"

The absolute worst is when people bring MLK into their condemnation of protesters. "I agree with the cause just not the way he's doing it. MLK would never divide the country!" Shut the entire hell up. You would be the same exact assholes shouting him down and throwing shit at him. Before his assassination (you remember how he was killed right? He wasn't left to live until a ripe old age. Ring a bell?) almost 2/3 of the country did not approve of him or his "methods." It's real easy to voice support for him now, but when it comes to the present day, the very same people claiming to be experts on MLK's causes and actions seem to be against them at every turn.

I saw a lot of people claiming Kaepernick has nothing to complain about, he's rich! One sportscaster tweeted a picture of Kap and his family (a well off white family) asking how could he possibly complain about inequality. Again, missing the point, and in fact proving it. Basically the guy was saying he couldn't have been struggling because his adopted family was white. So, white privilege does exist! Which is Kaepernick's point! Some people clearly don't understand empathy, or the concept of standing up for a cause. You don't have to be personally struggling to stand up for the struggle.

Then people turned it into a military thing, which was an intentional misunderstanding and obfuscation of his point. He made his reasoning very clear, and people simply chose to ignore it and label it anti-military, either because they disagreed with his stance outright and didn't want to admit that, or they just wanted to get on with their Sunday routine without having any tough conversations on race. "The troops" is everyone's favorite rhetorical pawn. Once again, the irony was missed by most of the detractors. The troops serve to protect our right to stand or not stand during the national anthem, and our right to express our feelings on our decision to stand or not stand for the national anthem.

Sports fans love to watch movies with players of every color coming together as a team (who doesn't love Remember the Titans?) but we don't want to talk about the same issues pertaining to real people in real time. We don't want to hear Kap's reason for protesting. Standing for the national anthem is something you just do, so his actions look like disrespect. I'd argue that going along with something just because everyone else is doing it is more disrespectful to the American spirit. Simply standing for an anthem out of tradition does not make you a patriot. Kap kneeling makes us question the concept of patriotism, and some people can't handle that.

To this day, some people claim it was all just a publicity stunt. The guy gives a million dollars to charity and works in his community every week, and yet they will still tell you he was just doing it because he wasn't a good quarterback anymore. Yeah. I'm sure that if he was winning, all of these people would have no problem with him protesting. There must be a level of success above Colin Kaeprnick and below Meryl Streep that is just right for protesting.

There is no such thing as an "appropriate" protest, because the people who would dictate how and when someone should protest are the very people protests are aimed at. Protest is supposed to make people uncomfortable. The audience is supposed to question long held beliefs. Protest causes a disturbance to the status quo, and it is one of the most fundamental means of voicing one's opinion.

As the pushback against protesters continues, and legislators seek to literally legalize killing protesters, it's more and more important to keep standing for what you believe in and supporting others who do, too. Look for connections to be made between those who passionately support civil/equal rights issues. The issues we care about unite us more than divide us. Make your feminism and anti-racism and support for LGBT rights intersectional. If you supported the Women's March, support Black Lives Matter and #NoDAPL protests and trans rights rallies. Understand that the same claims made to discredit or degrade one protest will be used against whatever cause you support. Start listening to the people who have been organizing and protesting around these issues for years now. People (myself included) need to be more consistently engaged and understand how these issues are connected and how they affect our daily lives.

And one last thing...

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

The Cutco Cult

I could do a dozen posts about the shitty jobs I've had. Literally a dozen. My resume weighs a ton. Word to Chuck D.

I don't know if anyone is really interested in my former jobs, I hardly am myself, but I like to have my life story written down for posterity before I forget it all and the haze of nostalgia sets in and makes me yearn for a time that never really existed.

I never "journaled" but part of me wishes I did/do. This blog somewhat serves the same purpose, I suppose. I enjoy looking back at what I've read. It gives me insight into my state of mind at the time. I've read things from my past and marveled at how much I've grown. Or not grown, in some cases.

Anyways, back to today's discussion of a former shitty job! When I graduated college, I worked the same summer job as I did for 2 years prior. I continued working there through the fall. There was no more work for me to do in the winter so they let me go. I scrambled for a job, any job, and found one with Vector Marketing. I had been looking for jobs in marketing because I figured my writing and creativity could be useful. I'd love to write a commercial! If Charlie Sheen could become rich making jingles, so could I!

I soon realized that most jobs described as "marketing" were really "sales." I interviewed at a few places that tried to market (ha) themselves as anything but "sales" jobs, yet the pay was based on commission...

How that work?

It came to a point where my desperation for a job overcame my hate for anything sales related. I also realized I wasn't just going to fall into Don Draper's position right out of college with no experience, so I followed up with Vector and started on my journey down the path to Cutco Sales Specialist.

This was a time before the omnipresence of the internet, so I didn't know how to properly investigate the company. Not like the internet would have cleared anything up.

I knew something was off the first time I went to a meeting.

About 15 people my age met in a large room. The guy running the meeting was a little older than me. And he was excited. I mean, EX.CI.TED. I had no idea what his job was, but he loved it more than I loved anything.

He was talking about the job like it would make us all millionaires and get us free BJs every day. I am not a complete moron, so I was appropriately suspicious, but the job seemed simple enough: try to sell knives to your family and friends, and then their families and friends, and so on and so on. I figured I could at least sell a few knives to my parents.

And I did!

Besides pity purchases, the reason for the vast majority of my sales had nothing to do with my sales skills and everything to do with the fact that they were really good knives. I made a few sales to people outside of my inner circle, but ultimately I was unable to get the contacts needed to keep selling. Apparently, my friends and family were willing to put up with me, but they weren't willing to force me upon their friends and families. I can't say I blame them. In fact, I was never really comfortable asking.

This is the Cutco business model...actually, let me explain something first. Cutco is the company that makes the knives. Vector Marketing is the company that exclusively sells the knives. Ok, so Vector (on behalf of Cutco) hires college students and graduates to sell knives. These "sales reps" have to purchase a full set of knives ("kit") before they can sell. Those sales reps, if they want, eventually move up the ladder and run their own branch where they hire more sales reps. So these veteran sales reps tell newbies to sell knives to family and friends first. New reps call their family members and friends and set up appointments. At these appointments, new reps are encouraged to go through a very specific sales script. They constantly reiterate that you should follow the script for the first month or so. They do not trust you to improvise (probably for good reason). At first, reps technically get money for each appointment made, and they also get a small percentage of any sales. However, if reps make a certain amount of money in sales in a given time, they no longer get paid per appointment, they only get the percentage of the sale. So if you suck and don't make sales, you at least get paid for the appointments. But if you make a lot of sales, you don't get paid for the appointments. It's a little sketchy, but it does ensure even the worst sales people get paid. Then, once reps reach a certain amount of total sales, they don't get any money for the appointments, but their commission goes up; the top level is 50%. If you make early sales, you can reach the 50% rather quickly and make some decent money.

That's about it. A lot of people call Cutco and/or Vector a scam but I wouldn't go that far. It does use multilevel marketing, but there's nothing technically illegal about that. It's a thin line between multilevel marketing and a pyramid scheme, though. What keeps Vector from the pyramid category is the fact that sales reps get paid well for selling knives, not just for bringing in new recruits.

People also take issue with the idea of "using" your family and friends for initial sales. But a lot of sales people start off with selling to family and friends. Their company may not openly encourage it or make it their official marketing plan, but it happens all the time. It comes down to this: the knives were excellent, and salespeople were paid decently. So in my mind, Cutco/Vector isn't a scam.

It's just weird as hell.

The biggest clue that it was some bullshit was the full "kit" I had to buy first. "It takes money to make money!" may be true, but it doesn't make it any easier on a jobless, penniless college grad. Vector is not alone in this practice, of course, but that doesn't really justify it. That was my biggest gripe. Other than that, it was simply the strangest work environment I've ever been a part of.

Yes, stranger than tossing these guys around.

There are two moments that stand out from my time there. There was a week long training period where we learned about the company and their sales techniques, then there were weekly meetings with all the sales reps. Every meeting was absurd, with the Head Sales Rep Frat Bro Cult Leaders yelling about how awesome their jobs are and how excited they are about some new product and how excited we should be to sell it. They were all Billy Mays without the charm. They were trying to sell us the product (literally: they encouraged us to buy each product available) and hype us up about selling it.

Early on, I was required to go to a large regional seminar at the Marriott in East Hartford. Sales reps from all over the state were in attendance. There were at least a dozen speakers, and they were all crazier than the next. It was like one of the regular meeting on steroids. And meth. Everyone was shouting, doing calls and responses, bragging about how much money they were making, and throwing out company swag. It was way too similar to the videos I've seen of Scientolgy seminars. I was a little scared, quite honestly.

When it was over, I gave another guy from my office a ride home. He was my age and had started working there a couple weeks after me. We didn't say much at first, but one of us finally said, "What the hell was that?" Let me tell you, a sense of relief exploded in the car. We bust out laughing, finally breaking the weirdness spell. Then we talked about all the other meetings and sales reps at our office. He said, "I thought the whole thing was weird but everyone else is so into it. I thought I was going crazy!" I felt the same. We continued laughing and mocking everyone until I dropped him off.

We both agreed that the actual job itself, selling knives, was fine, we just didn't want to deal with the bullshit meetings and the bullshit people in the meetings.

After that, I decided I didn't have to. I could make my appointments from home and simply drop off my sales receipts at the office. No interaction with other employees at all.

That worked out well, until I had no more contacts. I needed to figure out how to set up more appointments, so I went to the office on a "call day," where employees made continuous calls to friends and family for appointments and more contacts. We weren't allowed to do cold calls, and I probably wouldn't have anyways, so we really had to stretch our circle of friends. I had a few names to work with, but I was looking for some advice on how to assure an appointment. I put on my best fake smile and went to the office.

"Hello, fellow Cutco sales people."

While there, Head Sales Rep Frat Bro Cult Leader Number 1 was "helping" people make calls, mostly just giving them bullshit advice like, "keep calling and make that ask at least 3 times!" I requested more specific advice and he simply said, "Here, let me show you." He took one of the names and numbers I had (for a high school friend I hadn't talked to in 4 years) and called it. When my friend's mom answered, he introduced himself as me.

I was stunned. I wouldn't have given him the phone if I knew he was going to do that. Not a fan of identity fraud.

Don't steal my identity, bro.

Then he proceeded to give her the sales script. He was smiling and looking smug as usual. He asked to set up an appointment with her, she denied him. He kept the smile and gave me a "now watch this" look. He continued on, pressing her a little bit more. She denied him again. Now, still smiling, but visibly annoyed, he pushed harder. She refused again. At this point I wanted to grab the phone and smack him over the head with it. Or at least grab it and apologize to her. He continued on, desperate now. She finally hung up. He looked at me and said, "Well sometimes it doesn't work out, but that's what you have to do."

No, Mr. Head Cult Bro. That is not what I have to do.

I had always thought the people working there were crazy, but it was an innocent crazy. This pissed me off. I was disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen, and I was disgusted with him for doing it. It was the death knell for my Cutco career. Soon after, I went to live in New Orleans for three months, and I said goodbye to Vector for good.

I don't regret my time at Vector at all, but the employees made the job unbearable. If they acted like normal human beings, maybe I would have gone further with the company, but I can't stand fake enthusiasm. Even more than that, it was like they couldn't carry on a human conversation. Talk to me like a person, stop yelling at me about how the full tang of the blade made the knives sturdier.

Recently I saw a story that brought me back to my time as Knife Slinger. One of my favorite football players, Drew Brees, was (is) involved in a shady business named AdvoCare. The business itself is different than Cutco, they sell energy drinks and supplements, but the marketing scheme is similar. They force new sales reps to buy the product, then encourage reps to recruit other reps. The company promises a life changing experience that will make employees financially secure, if not outright rich. Of course, the only real way to make money with AdvoCare is from recruiting new people, not really from selling the product. Unfortunately, very few people do so successfully, and most are left with quickly expiring product stacking up in storage. I believe Cutco is honest and realistic about the money that can be made, and the starter "kit," although sketchy, pays for itself rather early on. AdvoCare definitely seems much shadier.

Plus, the description of Drew at one of their sales symposiums sounds exactly like the crazy Cutco bastards at the Marriott seminar: he is overly excited, making grandiose claims about the product, and encouraging people to not only buy the product, but to become sales people themselves.

I was appalled. Not Drew Brees. You're better than that, man. You won a Super Bowl. You were MVP!

Green 80! Green 80! Buy Advocare! Hut hut!

It's all good though, Drew. We all have shitty jobs in our lives. It actually makes me feel personally connected to you. Usually, we don't have those shitty jobs WHILE starting as quarterback for the New Orleans Saints, but I dig how you're relating to the common man.

The worst part about it is that the product itself seems to be fraudulent. At least Cutco made good products. The knives can cut through rope and leather with ease, and the scissors can turn a penny into a corkscrew! Not to mention, they are MADE IN AMERICA and the company sharpens them for free! Matter of fact, I still have my set.

Anybody need some knives?


I Love You All (The knives also come with a lifetime guarantee. What a deal!)...Class Dismissed.