Please Stop Saying That!!! Part 2

Time again to discuss the words and phrases that are more played out than a Tori Amos cd on a lesbian honeymoon. The following words/phrases need to be flushed down the proverbial drain and out of our collective brains. Check out part 1 here!

These aren't offensive phrases, just offensively annoying. And if there's anything more offensive than being offensive, it's being annoying. So cut that shit out!


6. You're just butthurt! 

This image combines a dickhead phrase with a dickhead face...we have achieved Maximum Dickhead!

This was originally a funny response to somebody's whining. It came and went like most internet memes, but during the presidential election it resurfaced like the herpes blisters on your ex's upper lip, and then after the election it burst open onto the public's collective face. Most recently, it was commonly used as a diss towards the participants of the recent Women's March. It's another way of saying "you're upset because you got your ass beat"...or raped, depending on the level of assholeishness of the person who spouts it. It is an evolution of the "U MAD?" meme. Online, when people show any amount of emotion or passion, it is met with a flurry of accusations that they are overcome with emotions and not thinking clearly. So "you're just butthurt" is simply the latest iteration. Instead of engaging with whatever someone is saying, "you're just butthurt" dimsisses any legitimate complaints on the basis of emotional hysterics.

Most people who use the phrase, besides lacking in originality, like to believe that they are above thinking with emotions. "You're just butthurt!" is often followed by "stop getting so emotional" or the faux-intellectual, "Facts aren't affected by your feelings!" These people are such incredible human beings that they have completely transcended human emotions. In fact, they look down upon anybody who remotely expresses emotions.

Except, a human without emotions is called a psychopath. The psychopathic tendencies show themselves when someone complains about X, and then a moron chimes in with "you're just butthurt about Y." Let's take the most obvious example. If I say, "Trump's idea to build a wall on the Mexican border is the stupidest fucking idea in the long list of his stupid fucking ideas," eight out of ten times, someone will respond, "You're just butthurt Hillary lost!" Despite the fact that I never mentioned Hillary. Despite the fact that I didn't vote for Hillary. Despite the fact that Hillary voted for the Secure Fences Act that set the groundwork for this stupid fucking wall.

Some of these commenters are genuine psychopaths with no feelings. There's no use arguing with them. They claim to base their decisions on cold hard logic, despite the fact that that's not how decision making works. Plus, basing conclusions on logic alone doesn't make those conclusions any less susceptible to logical fallacies.

Most commenters aren't complete psychopaths (despite their support for a complete psychopath) and their feelings are all tied up into their arguments, too. Most of their "logic" is based on racial/gender bias. If you don't believe it, or if they refuse to acknowledge it, just call them racist and you'll see some emotions. Nothing brings out the anger in a racist like being called a racist. It makes me laugh. Oops, sorry, I showed emotion.

Yes, facts are important, and we should base opinions on factual evidence as much as possible. However, most of the people who use this term generally ignore facts as well, or they will use irrelevant facts to discredit an argument, making the original commenter angry, which is what they want. It's an endless cycle of assholeishness, hurt butts, and a general decline in humanity.


5. At the end of the day... 

Brando never asked for this.

This is a favorite in the sports world, but you also see it a lot in pseudo-insightful social media posts, such as the one above. I see it a lot now from people who want everyone to just get along: "There's no reason to argue. At the end of the day, we're all just people!" Wow, how insightful. We're all people at the beginning of the day, too. And in the middle. And the problem is that we have very different values and perspectives. Now what?

In the sports world, it's often used to discredit or ignore an entire argument or set of points that you don't agree with or don't want to engage, without saying you don't agree with it, or engaging with it in any meaningful way. "Yes, Russell Westbrook may average a triple double and lead a mediocre team to the playoffs, but at the end of the day, the fans didn't vote him as a starter for the All Star game and that's all that matters." It's a way of setting up what you believe to be the most (or only) important fact of the debate. It comes off as very condescending and dismissive. To me at least. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

I also just learned that "At the end of the day" is a song from Les Miserables, so, at the end of the day, it's a worse phrase than I thought!

Did I use it enough to make you hate it, too? Cool! Wait till this next one...


4. Look,

Look, I understand that public speaking isn't easy, especially speaking on live television. I get that, but look, you need to find another way to set up your points.

Look, all I'm saying is that a) it doesn't make much sense because what you really want is for people to listen, not look, and b) it's so overused to the point that nobody hears anything after you say look. We're just looking at you.

Look, is it the worst thing in the world to say? No. Some people need a ready-made segue, and this seems to be a favorite among sports commentators (and presidents). The next time you listen to a sports talk show, especially one with awful commentators (like the luckiest QB/Worst Commentator in the World, Trent Dilfer) count how many times they say "look" before they attempt to make a point. Some will say "look," make a point, then say "look" again! Look, man, I'm looking. Make your fucking point!

Look, I'm just trying to say look enough where it loses all meaning. I think it worked. I don't even know what look means anymore. Is it a fish? Is it something that you catch a fish with? Is look a jedi? Is it a planet a jedi would visit? What the hell does look meeeeeeaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn...


3. To be honest (TBH)

Do you normally lie? When you don't say 'to be honest" before or after a statement, should I assume you're being dishonest? Do you have a sense that most people don't believe you when you talk?

A lot of people say it to temper their statements, out of courtesy to the person they're talking to: "To be honest, I really don't enjoy your commentary, Trent." It gives statements a little extra force, but in a way that's almost apologetic. Many times the statement will even start with an apology: "Sorry, but I just don't like butt rape, to be honest." It's a way of explaining something you are saying without really explain anything. You're being honest, and that's all that matters.

As far as TBH, I don't mind text abbreviations for texting, but saying text abbreviations out loud is another sign of a psychopath. Larry David should have cleared this up for everybody a while ago, tee be aytch! El oh el!

Ess tee eff you!


2. This.

Not the word "this" itself, but when it is used, by itself, to accompany a shared article or post. Instead of explaining why they agree with a post or article, people will simply write, "This."

This.

Reporter/activist Shaun King is probably the worst at this (ha). I generally agree with the causes he champions, but I don't necessarily agree with all his tactics or opinions. The most annoying tactic is that he constantly shares posts and adds a simple "This." Sometimes he'll switch it up and put, "All of this." Or even, "This. All of this." Just share the damn post! You don't need to add anything if that's all your going to write. If you simply have to write something (maybe so people will like and share YOUR post instead of the original, hmmmm?) then explain why exactly you agree with it, or at least why you're sharing it. Or give a shout out to the author, or something!

This.

Even "yes" or "I agree" would be better. I get that it has become internet shorthand for "I agree with this" but what it's really trying to say, without giving specifics, is, "This right here is some hardcore truth. This is deep ass shit. This is going to blow all the ignorance and fear and hate right out of your hurt butt. Read this. Read this now."  Just say that. I'm much more likely to read it.

The pinnacle of annoyingness is when King (and others) share THEIR OWN POST and add "This." The first time they shared it wasn't sufficient, apparently. They need everyone to know that they missed out on some serious truth. What kind of megalomaniac tells people that they agree with their own work and that everybody else really needs to see it? That's Kanye levels of arrogance. Don't ever go full Kanye.


1. Fake news!

Fake news! The biggest story of the election! Fake news, fake news everywhere!

Come on people, now you're ruining memes and Toy Story!

Since the election, many people have insisted that fake news got Trump into the White House (in addition to racism, sexism, voter suppression, Russia, the FBI, and of course, a horribly run campaign by the opposition) "fake news" is all the rage. Not fake news itself, that's been around for a long time under various names: propaganda, misinformation, lies, CIA reports. It's only the term "fake news" that's recent. It started by calling out news reports that were actually fake, but now, anytime an uninformed loser sees an article they don't agree with, they jump on the comment section and spout "fake news!" as if they are the only ones with the unmitigated truth at their disposal and everyone else is a bunch of gullible suckers.

The fact is, there really is a lot of fake news and misinformation and propaganda out there. With the omnipresence of the internet as a news source, we have all been guilty of believing and sharing stories before verifying their authenticity. It doesn't help that some of the most trusted, historic media outlets have often fallen victim to fake news stories or pushed their own questionable stories.

Of course, now the biggest purveyors of fake news have completely co-opted the term and made it meaningless. When Breitbart is condemning "fake news," we are officially in The Twilight Zone. That was their goal all along: undermine the media and shape reality as they see fit. They attack the media (although they are part of "the media") while flooding the internet with fake news to the point where it's hard to tell credible stories from non-credible. And it's not just Breitbart; there are sites that published nothing but fake news talking about the plague of fake news.

Any time there's a negative story about Trump, his advocates simply scream "fake news!" His supporters aren't the only culprits, though. Anything someone doesn't like or agree with is written off as fake news. An article features a study that goes against our long held beliefs? Fake news! Simple! Now we can go on believing all the dumb shit we want to believe!

Again, there is absolutely a real problem with fake news and alternative truths. We should absolutely call it out when we see it. Maybe we can use a different term though? The trolls own "fake news." It's time to be more accurate: call propaganda propaganda; call lies lies. The term "fake news" has lost all meaning. Kind of like the term "American exceptionalism."


I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

Please Stop Saying That!

Stop it 5 - Cam'ron & Vado

Let's face it, we basically live in a virtual reality. It's cool. I don't mind being watched (hi NSA!) and I don't mind being connected to everyone online, even people I don't know in real life. I like online communication.

What bothers me is a lack of originality. Reading comments on social media sites or comment sections of news stories can be maddening in their repetitiveness, much more so than real life small talk (although that can also melt my brain).

Here are 5 of the comments that make me cringe and need to be stopped before the entire internet gets sucked into a void of unoriginality:


5. "Why is it always about race?" 

(The cousin of "I'm not a racist but..." and best friend of "But my best friend is...")

We all know these, so I won't spend too much time on them. Whenever I see someone actually use one of these lines, I just laugh and hope the person is being ironic. Unfortunately, most of the time they are not, and when you try to explain why the phrases themselves heavily imply racism, the person using them doesn't want to hear it.

These phrases will never go extinct, but I'll still hope for it. Having a black president has only solidified the world view of the people who use these terms. Apparently, one black president in our nation's history is "proof" that "racism is over", so now when any minority claims that he/she is a victim of racism, or when you argue that race still plays a part in every day life for a majority of people, the reply is, "Why is it always about race? You're racist for even bringing up racism!" That's the delusion of all delusions, that somehow people that have benefited from institutionalized racism for centuries, and continue to benefit, are now the victim of racism.

However, there is a point to be made with the comment, "Why does it always have to be about race?" Unfortunately, it's not usually the point people are trying to make when they say it. There are in fact some people who yell "racism!" any time something doesn't go their way, which distracts from real instances of racism. Most of the time, though, when a person claims to be the victim of racism, they are not the ones making it about race, the perpetrator is; the victims are just pointing it out. Victims get accused of "pulling the race card", but they wouldn't have to pull it if it didn't exist in the first place. But it does, so they do, and they shouldn't be blamed for it.


4. "Wake up!" Usually followed by, "sheeple!"

Ok. First off, the whole "sheep" thing is really played out. Pink Floyd had a whole album of animal allegories (basically Animal Farm to rock music) with sheep symbolizing the majority of the population who blindly follow the authoritarian government, and even then some critics were calling it an elementary, derivative metaphor. Turning it into "sheeple" is even worse because now you've taken away the metaphor and merged it with what it actually represents. It's not clever; people just use it because, hey, listen to how cool it sounds when you put one word together with another word! (Admittedly, spork is still one of my favorite words.)

"Wake up!" is thrown out during all sorts of disagreements. It can be used for something as simple as sports (Wake up! The Mets will never be a good team!) or something more serious like gun control (Wake up! If you don't think the government is going to come into your house and take everything from you, you're not paying attention!). When it's something innocuous like sports, it's simply an annoying saying. When it's a more serious matter, it's insulting. The person using it assumes he or she knows more about this particular subject than you. The implication is that if you just knew a little more about the issue and had a better understanding, you would have a different opinion, or more specifically, you would share their exact opinion. It couldn't possibly be that you simply have a different opinion, it must be that you're a moron, asleep to the important issues of the world. Wake up man! Think more like me!

Stop it.


3. "Just sayin..."

Uuuuuuuugh. What are you saying exactly? If you're "just sayin" something, just fuckin say it!

Now granted, I'm guilty of this one, too. It works perfectly, and that's why it's so annoying. You deflect any blame if people catch offense to what you've said, because, hey, you're "just sayin." You don't mean anything by it. You're "just sayin". A lot of people do it for humorous effect or ironically or whatever, but it's getting really old and really not funny. Just tell your joke, there's no need to add a word meme.

Image memes on the other hand...

2. "The greatest ever!"

Ok, this mostly applies to one person on my Facebook feed, who claims a new athlete is the "greatest ever" at a particular sport every day, or that a tv show is "the most amazing show ever", or a fucking brand of cheese dip is "the best dip ever". But a lot of people do it. Now I should clarify, I'm fine with people calling Michael Jordan the greatest ever, or Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure the greatest ever, because that implies a degree of thoughtfulness behind the claim, and there is plenty of evidence to support those claims (I have Bill & Ted's on dvd if you need further proof). My problem is when people say it spontaneously. They see a play on Sportscenter: "Ohhh that was the greatest alley-oop ever!" They see a decent movie and it becomes, "the funniest movie ever!" Just stop it. Take one second to think of another way to describe things. That phrase really doesn't tell me much about the thing you're talking about. Besides, is it really the greatest ever? When you use that term two or three times a week, how can I possibly take you serious?

Greatest movie poster ever? Now we can talk.

And if you're taking about yourself, like when rappers or Randy Moss do it, it's just not really your place to say. Unless you're Danny Brown.

A variation of this phrase is "Best. Thing. Ever." This phrase was originally an ode to a genius piece of comedy, but now it has just been played to death. Stop with the periods between the words. Your implied emphasis isn't that clever. Seriously. Stop. It.


Honorable Mention: "Who the hell is..." 

You see this on every single news story. When there's a story about a celebrity getting arrested, 100% of the time someone will be in the comment section saying, "Who the hell is Gucci Mane?" First off, if you're on the internet asking what or who something is, your absolute idiocy is on display. Stop writing the comment in the comment section, and type it into Google. There's your fucking answer. Now I get that most people do it for humor, but again, the shit isn't funny after 1 billion times. Lindsay Lohan gets arrested again? "Who the hell is Lindsay Lohan?" Well, if you don't know, god bless you. But the fact is, you do know, you're just trying to be a part of the conversation without really thinking or adding anything.


1. "It's just a show/game/movie/celebrity. There are more important things to worry about."

No shit. But did you know that the human brain is actually capable of thinking and caring about more than one thing at a time? It's true!  So if I want to take a break from worrying about Iran's nukes to talk about Brian from Family Guy dying, it's ok! I still care about the nukes, but sometimes you need to think about some less serious matters. That's why we have tv in the first place!

"Why is this even news?" is another variation, and it might be the most aggravating comment on news sites. The thing is, commenters like this may have a point, but they're proving to be assholes if they think the story isn't newsworthy yet click on it and take the time to comment on it. If it's not newsworthy, don't read it. Websites earn money through page views, and you justified their reasoning for writing this particular story by clicking on it. If it's not "newsworthy" don't click on it. Keep it moving. Idiot.

As far as our obsession with celebrities and entertainment, that is nothing new, and it's not an American novelty. Every civilization was obsessed with celebrities; why does anyone think something that is so ingrained into our psyche will change all of a sudden?

This is another comment that actually has a point buried in its pretentiousness somewhere. Yes we need to strike a balance with our interests; as fans, we don't want to turn into Kathy Bates in Misery. There's a line, but it's ok to care about fictional stories and characters. That's all part of the human experience.

This comment can take on various forms and becomes more sinister when it is made in regards to certain news stories. For example, "You're so concerned with Trayvon, what about all the kids dying in Chicago?" Well, I do care about them and when we talk about gun violence and kids dying as a whole, we can talk about that, but for right now I'm talking about this particular case. This type of comment is a way to take the importance out of anything. "Oh you're so upset about that, what about this?" It minimizes everything and it implies quite pompously that we should only be concerned with the absolute worst things in the world, or that you have to somehow deal with every single issue in the world all at once. I can care about more than one thing at a time, it's just very hard to discuss every problem in the world simultaneously; words can only cover so much at a time. Besides, those people never cared about the kids dying in Chicago, they just wanted to divert the conversation away from the complexities of the Trayvon case, and the same thing happens with any difficult issue.

"There are more important things to worry about" is a way to avoid talking about uncomfortable situations, or it's used to discredit and devalue other people's interests. If somebody wants to vent about how horrible The Internship is (holyshitfuckingterriblyhorrible) or if they want to write a note about how sad they are that Lou Reed or Paul Walker died, why do you care? It doesn't take long to write a little post about somebody dying, and if people want to take a minute to pay respect to a person that somehow gave them joy, it shouldn't bother you that much. I understand how annoying it can be to see 35 posts about the death of some mediocre rock star that made music you hated, but if it just happened, and if you're on social media, what do you expect? Social media, especially Twitter, is a snapshot of what people are talking about in the world right now, so of course you will see a lot of posts all at once about something that just happened. Nelson Mandela just died? Expect to see a hundred posts about it for 2-3 days. That's how it works. And sometimes, the things that people talk about aren't all that important, relatively speaking. That's ok. It's healthy to be mentally well-rounded. Thinking about serious issues all the time just leads to depression.

That all being said, let's get our priorities straight people. It can't be all cartoons and Kardashians and Duck Fuckin Dynasty. Those are meant to be distractions in our lives, not the focal point.

How did we get here as a society?

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.