It's time again to look at popular activities that exist as anachronisms in a society that is finally beginning to confront the abhorrent behavior of its most powerful people. These are activities that can not and will not last in an era with access to the truth about their consequences. The list was going to simply be 5 different types of sexual assault,because apparently a whole lot of people need to learn what is and what is not acceptable, but I'll leave that discussion to HR and the court of public opinion. Let's look at some other activities that, while maybe not on the level of sexual assault, still have no place in an advanced society.
Football, Specifically the NFL
I haven't watched football at all this year. It's not because the Dolphins are garbage. It's definitely not because I oppose the players expressing their free speech and highlighting racial inequality. It's not the NFL's obsession with and glorification of the military or the fact that they serve as a propaganda tool. It's not because of the owners' bullshit showing of "unity" after Trump's comments attacking them despite the fact that most of them support him. It's not because of Papa fucking John. It's not because of their obvious blackballing of Colin Kaepernick. It's not because of their denial of CTE for years and their slow, almost non-existent approach to addressing concerns of CTE now. It's not because of their horrible policies in regards to domestic violence. It's not because players aren't guaranteed a contract if they get hurt. It's not because of how the owners treat taxpayers and cities as pawns in their efforts to build new stadiums and enrich themselves even further. It's not because more and more youth players are getting seriously injured or dying. It's not because playing youth football guarantees later health problems.
Well, it's not any of those things individually. It's the combination. For the past few years, I've only watched RedZone because entire games are excruciating. I don't have RedZone anymore and I'm definitely not watching a long, boring game considering all the awful elements of the NFL one has to look past to enjoy it.
As a society, though, I just don't believe we will accept a sport that inflicts this level of long-term damage on its players. It makes too much money right now to really change, but that will only last for so long. When Bob Costas says the future of football is bleak, I tend to believe it.
Or not. I mean shit, we lose 30,000 people to gun violence every year and the gun lobby just gets stronger so what the hell do I know. Besides, Bob Costas's foresight might still be affected from that conjunctivitis.
Hard to see the future when you can barely see the teleprompter.
Carnivals
Has anyone over the age of 12 actually enjoyed a carnival? "Carnival" in Brazil, yes. Maybe even a Carnival cruise, when the toilets don't back up for 2 weeks. Otherwise, very doubtful. But much like Daylight Savings Time and pennies, carnivals are a relic of a foregone era that have somehow stuck around and convinced people they are part of the social fabric of America.
This one seriously mystifies me. Maybe people in towns that have carnivals are just absolutely, devastatingly bored out of their minds. And they don't have internet access. Or heroin. Nothing else explains the existence of carnivals in the age of Netflix and the Opiod Epidemic.
Or maybe everyone at carnivals is high out of their mind? That would actually explain a few things.
People can't be going for the rides. Even if they weren't rusty, dilapidated death traps, they still aren't fun. Maybe you'll find a Tilt-a-Whirl style ride that will at least evacuate all the greasy fried food you just ate, but that's the height of excitement.
Speaking of the dumpster remnants that they fry up and serve as exotic creations, I guess it's possible that some people enjoy the taste of fryer oil and despair, but the feeling that immediately follows has to make you question your life's decisions, no?
Maybe it's the rigged games that offer an opportunity to win dusty stuffed figures of children's movies from the mid 2000s. Maybe it's the knick-knacks that your great aunt Susan sells there every year. Yes, you could make gum wrapper earrings yourself, but at the carnival you get to spend $15 on a pair!
Plus, carnies! Everybody loves carnies, right?
Olympics
Ahhh, the Olympics. Every 4 years we come together as a nation and cheer on our most gifted athletes in the hopes they dominate the Russians in the javelin toss. It's a blast.
The Olympics are always presented as something more than just a collection of sports that for the most part nobody watches for 3 years and 11 months. It's about national pride! But how much pride can we take watching NBA players decimating the JV high school team of Kazakhstan? We already call our championship teams in our sporting events "World Champions," why do we even bother competing against countries that have fewer citizens than Delaware? Obviously our pool of athletes is better than most.
That "national pride" is how we convince athletes to throw their lives away to train for multiple decades just for the honor of competing for free. Sure, Michael Phelps is ballin'. Now. Sure, Simone Biles is the face of US Gymnastic and gets to meet her celebrity crushes and probably doesn't lack for sponsorship money (then again, she probably had to deal with predatory coaches and trainers). But those two athletes reached the pinnacle of their sport. They took home gold. What happens to the hundreds of athletes who don't medal? Even silver and bronze medalists are met with contempt for not coming in first. Unless they won a gold as well, they may as well have come in last in the eyes of corporate sponsors: "For every athlete that ends up on a cereal box, there are hundreds of others that do not get paid for their sport and have to struggle to make ends meet." Imagine being the 4th best in the entire world in any given sport and never receiving a dime for it or even a glowing profile in the paper.
So, good luck supporting your family while you train for 12 hours a day for 10 years in the hopes of maybe getting a sponsorship that can at least pay for your equipment and training.
Oh, but at least the city that hosts gets an economic boost that lasts for years and years and obviously I'm lying to you right now. Host cities for the Olympics end up in shambles. And it doesn't even take long. If they can even get the stadiums and everything prepared in time for the Olympics, they generally fall apart immediately after. Cities in solid economic shape before hosting tend to manage, but cities hoping to boost their economy end up further in the hole with unused facilities taking the place of historic sites or diverting major waterways that provide clean drinking water to entire countries.
Gender Reveal Parties
Through the miracle of social media, I have discovered the existence of "gender reveal parties." Not all knowledge is power.
What the hell are we doing here? Baby showers aren't enough, we need "gender reveal parties"? Is a woman's value inherently tied to her ability to pop out babies? Stationary companies certainly think so. Call me crazy, but maybe we don't need a party for everything. Or maybe we don't need to come up with all of these reasons to get together with friends and family and drink and eat cake. Just get together! I'll come over for a "listen to music/watch tv/sit by the fire and drink" party over a gender reveal party any day.
Unless you're coming out as trans, keep your damn gender reveal party. I'll support the hell out of your decision to live your truth, but when it comes to your baby, knock it the fuck off. These parties only confirm gender binarism and gender biases. But maybe you only believe biological sex matters and gender is not a different concept. You're wrong, and that's fine, but intersex humans exist. Like, that's not semantics or a liberal manifestation. Approximately .05% of all live births are intersex. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it equates to about 1 out of every 1500-2000 babies. Almost 4 million babies are born every year in the US alone. That's about 2,000 intersex babies every year. Surprise! Put those pink cigars away! Nope, put the blue ones down, too! Honestly what the hell are you doing smoking around a pregnant woman anyways?
It's bad enough that we conflate biology and gender, but we're seriously still equating "girl" with pink and "boy" with blue? Did Killa Cam really teach us nothing?
Maybe one day we'll be as advanced as Germany when it comes to gender. Man, "progressive Germany" is still really weird to say.
Early Start Times for School
I can't remember the beginning of high school. I don't mean the first year. I mean, the beginning of every day for four years. I know I was in school, I just don't know what was happening before 10am. My first 2 classes were inevitably my worst grades. It was a full time job just getting out of bed.
It turns out that my struggle was not unusual and it wasn't simply because I'm not a "morning person." In fact, my brain simply could not function at the time it was asked to every day for 4 years. I have called high school torture since the first time I was forced to choke down cardboard cafeteria pizza, and it seems my hyperbole was a lot closer to reality than even I realized.
So why so early? Maybe it's so parents can get their kids to school before they go to work. What about after school? If the parents job starts after school starts, it undoubtedly ends after school ends. We have created a nation of exhausted latch-key kids.
Well maybe it's so they can play sports after school? Besides the fact that connecting athletics and academics is possibly not such a good idea in the first place, they could practice before school (hockey already does, and they'd be able to push practice back a little so parents don't have to wake up at 3am to take the kids to the rink). After school sports might be pushed back a little, but is that such a problem? What are we prioritizing? Athletics or academics? At the very least, isn't school supposed to make children better people? If they can't focus half the day, what are they learning?
I'd hope there was more reason for keeping early start times other than "it's tradition," but sadly, I know that has become the main reason we keep a lot of very stupid practices. And way too many people have the mentality of, "if I had to do it, they should have to as well." That is one of the most damaging mentalities when it comes to social progress. Forcing other people to go through the same torture you did doesn't benefit you in any way. Let the kids sleep!
I Love You All...Class Dismissed.
Football, Specifically the NFL
I haven't watched football at all this year. It's not because the Dolphins are garbage. It's definitely not because I oppose the players expressing their free speech and highlighting racial inequality. It's not the NFL's obsession with and glorification of the military or the fact that they serve as a propaganda tool. It's not because of the owners' bullshit showing of "unity" after Trump's comments attacking them despite the fact that most of them support him. It's not because of Papa fucking John. It's not because of their obvious blackballing of Colin Kaepernick. It's not because of their denial of CTE for years and their slow, almost non-existent approach to addressing concerns of CTE now. It's not because of their horrible policies in regards to domestic violence. It's not because players aren't guaranteed a contract if they get hurt. It's not because of how the owners treat taxpayers and cities as pawns in their efforts to build new stadiums and enrich themselves even further. It's not because more and more youth players are getting seriously injured or dying. It's not because playing youth football guarantees later health problems.
Well, it's not any of those things individually. It's the combination. For the past few years, I've only watched RedZone because entire games are excruciating. I don't have RedZone anymore and I'm definitely not watching a long, boring game considering all the awful elements of the NFL one has to look past to enjoy it.
As a society, though, I just don't believe we will accept a sport that inflicts this level of long-term damage on its players. It makes too much money right now to really change, but that will only last for so long. When Bob Costas says the future of football is bleak, I tend to believe it.
Or not. I mean shit, we lose 30,000 people to gun violence every year and the gun lobby just gets stronger so what the hell do I know. Besides, Bob Costas's foresight might still be affected from that conjunctivitis.
Hard to see the future when you can barely see the teleprompter.
Carnivals
Has anyone over the age of 12 actually enjoyed a carnival? "Carnival" in Brazil, yes. Maybe even a Carnival cruise, when the toilets don't back up for 2 weeks. Otherwise, very doubtful. But much like Daylight Savings Time and pennies, carnivals are a relic of a foregone era that have somehow stuck around and convinced people they are part of the social fabric of America.
This one seriously mystifies me. Maybe people in towns that have carnivals are just absolutely, devastatingly bored out of their minds. And they don't have internet access. Or heroin. Nothing else explains the existence of carnivals in the age of Netflix and the Opiod Epidemic.
Or maybe everyone at carnivals is high out of their mind? That would actually explain a few things.
People can't be going for the rides. Even if they weren't rusty, dilapidated death traps, they still aren't fun. Maybe you'll find a Tilt-a-Whirl style ride that will at least evacuate all the greasy fried food you just ate, but that's the height of excitement.
Speaking of the dumpster remnants that they fry up and serve as exotic creations, I guess it's possible that some people enjoy the taste of fryer oil and despair, but the feeling that immediately follows has to make you question your life's decisions, no?
Maybe it's the rigged games that offer an opportunity to win dusty stuffed figures of children's movies from the mid 2000s. Maybe it's the knick-knacks that your great aunt Susan sells there every year. Yes, you could make gum wrapper earrings yourself, but at the carnival you get to spend $15 on a pair!
Plus, carnies! Everybody loves carnies, right?
Ahhh, the Olympics. Every 4 years we come together as a nation and cheer on our most gifted athletes in the hopes they dominate the Russians in the javelin toss. It's a blast.
The Olympics are always presented as something more than just a collection of sports that for the most part nobody watches for 3 years and 11 months. It's about national pride! But how much pride can we take watching NBA players decimating the JV high school team of Kazakhstan? We already call our championship teams in our sporting events "World Champions," why do we even bother competing against countries that have fewer citizens than Delaware? Obviously our pool of athletes is better than most.
That "national pride" is how we convince athletes to throw their lives away to train for multiple decades just for the honor of competing for free. Sure, Michael Phelps is ballin'. Now. Sure, Simone Biles is the face of US Gymnastic and gets to meet her celebrity crushes and probably doesn't lack for sponsorship money (then again, she probably had to deal with predatory coaches and trainers). But those two athletes reached the pinnacle of their sport. They took home gold. What happens to the hundreds of athletes who don't medal? Even silver and bronze medalists are met with contempt for not coming in first. Unless they won a gold as well, they may as well have come in last in the eyes of corporate sponsors: "For every athlete that ends up on a cereal box, there are hundreds of others that do not get paid for their sport and have to struggle to make ends meet." Imagine being the 4th best in the entire world in any given sport and never receiving a dime for it or even a glowing profile in the paper.
So, good luck supporting your family while you train for 12 hours a day for 10 years in the hopes of maybe getting a sponsorship that can at least pay for your equipment and training.
Oh, but at least the city that hosts gets an economic boost that lasts for years and years and obviously I'm lying to you right now. Host cities for the Olympics end up in shambles. And it doesn't even take long. If they can even get the stadiums and everything prepared in time for the Olympics, they generally fall apart immediately after. Cities in solid economic shape before hosting tend to manage, but cities hoping to boost their economy end up further in the hole with unused facilities taking the place of historic sites or diverting major waterways that provide clean drinking water to entire countries.
Gender Reveal Parties
Through the miracle of social media, I have discovered the existence of "gender reveal parties." Not all knowledge is power.
What the hell are we doing here? Baby showers aren't enough, we need "gender reveal parties"? Is a woman's value inherently tied to her ability to pop out babies? Stationary companies certainly think so. Call me crazy, but maybe we don't need a party for everything. Or maybe we don't need to come up with all of these reasons to get together with friends and family and drink and eat cake. Just get together! I'll come over for a "listen to music/watch tv/sit by the fire and drink" party over a gender reveal party any day.
Unless you're coming out as trans, keep your damn gender reveal party. I'll support the hell out of your decision to live your truth, but when it comes to your baby, knock it the fuck off. These parties only confirm gender binarism and gender biases. But maybe you only believe biological sex matters and gender is not a different concept. You're wrong, and that's fine, but intersex humans exist. Like, that's not semantics or a liberal manifestation. Approximately .05% of all live births are intersex. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it equates to about 1 out of every 1500-2000 babies. Almost 4 million babies are born every year in the US alone. That's about 2,000 intersex babies every year. Surprise! Put those pink cigars away! Nope, put the blue ones down, too! Honestly what the hell are you doing smoking around a pregnant woman anyways?
It's bad enough that we conflate biology and gender, but we're seriously still equating "girl" with pink and "boy" with blue? Did Killa Cam really teach us nothing?
Between this and his decimation of Bill O'Reilly, we really need to be listening to Cam'Ron more.
Maybe one day we'll be as advanced as Germany when it comes to gender. Man, "progressive Germany" is still really weird to say.
Early Start Times for School
I can't remember the beginning of high school. I don't mean the first year. I mean, the beginning of every day for four years. I know I was in school, I just don't know what was happening before 10am. My first 2 classes were inevitably my worst grades. It was a full time job just getting out of bed.
It turns out that my struggle was not unusual and it wasn't simply because I'm not a "morning person." In fact, my brain simply could not function at the time it was asked to every day for 4 years. I have called high school torture since the first time I was forced to choke down cardboard cafeteria pizza, and it seems my hyperbole was a lot closer to reality than even I realized.
So why so early? Maybe it's so parents can get their kids to school before they go to work. What about after school? If the parents job starts after school starts, it undoubtedly ends after school ends. We have created a nation of exhausted latch-key kids.
Well maybe it's so they can play sports after school? Besides the fact that connecting athletics and academics is possibly not such a good idea in the first place, they could practice before school (hockey already does, and they'd be able to push practice back a little so parents don't have to wake up at 3am to take the kids to the rink). After school sports might be pushed back a little, but is that such a problem? What are we prioritizing? Athletics or academics? At the very least, isn't school supposed to make children better people? If they can't focus half the day, what are they learning?
I'd hope there was more reason for keeping early start times other than "it's tradition," but sadly, I know that has become the main reason we keep a lot of very stupid practices. And way too many people have the mentality of, "if I had to do it, they should have to as well." That is one of the most damaging mentalities when it comes to social progress. Forcing other people to go through the same torture you did doesn't benefit you in any way. Let the kids sleep!
I Love You All...Class Dismissed.
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