Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My Totally Real, In-No-Way-Fake-Or-Made-Up, Absolutely True Story

Prodigy - You Can Never Feel My Pain

Today marks 20 days since I sprained my ankle and I think I've finally reached a turning point in my rehabilitation. I started physical therapy this morning, something I would do every day for the rest of my life if I could afford it, and it really helped, physically and mentally. I realized I have a decent range of motion and that the pain has significantly subsided. It can still be very painful at times, and the boot they gave me has made my calf extremely sore, but plain and simply, I need to suck it up and get back to livin'.

The worst part about this whole ordeal is the mental struggle. Ok, the pain really sucks, but that's obvious. I didn't anticipate how frustrating it would be to still be liming 3 weeks later. There are times when I feel normal, and then I walk and realize I'm still not there yet. I actually had a dream the other night where I woke up (within my dream) and discovered that the whole incident and the following weeks were just a dream. Then I woke up (in reality) and realized it all did happen, and the mental anguish was much worse than the physical pain. 

But as I said, I'm on the road to recovery, and eventually I'll be stronger than ever. What else can you believe, right? 

My biggest gripe with the whole situation is the monotony and repetition of my story. It's bad enough that I can't walk on a slightly iced over parking lot without seriously hurting myself, and that my decrepit ankles can no longer support my old, fat ass, but repeating that story day after day, week after week, is just unbearable. So, in the spirit of the honesty-deprived nation that we have become, and kind of always were,  I've decided to come up with a much more interesting story to gain fame, money, and of course, the sympathy of the fairer sex. Here are just a few stories I'm going with from now on that are much more intriguing than slipping on ice in the parking lot at work:

-Landed on a polar bear while helicopter skiing in Alaska and had to kick my way free.

-Tried to save the world from a maniacal, egotistical supervillain and couldn't nail the three point landing.

-Sprained it putting a boot up your's the American way!!

-That son of a bitch Paris mistook me for Achilles.

-Tried a darkside grind into a kickflip backwards boneless. Totally had it until I started to chickenfoot and ended up shifting.


-Jumping from a bridge to a hovercraft chasing gangsters whose diamond heist I stumbled across during my visit to New York for my uncle's wedding.

-Literally anything other than what actually happened.

Anyhoo, I am feeling better. Thanks to everyone who sent their well wishes or has helped me out in any way during the last few weeks. I truly appreciate it.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.

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