Eulogy for Mom

Funeral for Marie Farr Elterich

Friday, March 8, 2024

St. Mark The Evangelist Church, West Hartford, CT

In honor of my mom, please consider donating to the Michael J. Fox Foundation.

Eulogy by Geoff Elterich

Well this was one way to get me back in church, Mom...

Strength. Everyone talked about how strong my mother was. And everyone is right. I just wish she didn’t have to be so strong. She went through so much, even before she had Parkinson's. She was a Special Ed teacher, in Hartford, in the 80s and 90s. That’s tough. Then she fought Parkinson's for 27 years. Among other things. I had totally forgotten that she had breast cancer at one point. Around the same time, she had major surgery on her spine. Then later in that same year, she basically died.

But she came back. Miracle Marie.

 
And almost as soon as she got home, after being in a coma then being in the hospital for over a month, she wanted to go out to eat at the Corner Pug, because she wasn’t gonna let this thing make her miss out on living. Her life was not going to be defined by her illness. So we took her out. I was terrified the whole time, thinking something bad was gonna happen, but she just went along like no big deal. That’s how she was. It wasn’t good enough to just be alive, she wanted to keep living, and she wasn’t gonna let anything stop her. She wanted to make the most of her time here, doing the things she loved. Spending time with her family and friends. 

Her life, especially the last 7 years or so was really tough on a daily basis, but there were great moments, and that’s what living is about, creating and experiencing those moments that live on and make everything else worth it.
 
When a lot of people think of someone who is strong they often think of someone who doesn’t show emotions. But if you know my mom, you know that is far from the truth. She cried. A lot. She embraced her emotions, and that made her stronger.
 
And of course, my dad made her stronger. Ken. The Rock. The most beautiful yet saddest thing I've seen in my life is their relationship. That’s the paradox of life though, right? Beauty and cruelty both coexisting. But through it all they had each other.
 
And it wasn’t just my dad. My aunt Jane, Bob and Diana, Mike, our cousins. Our family is strength. and beyond that she had such a strong community behind her. You can really tell a lot about somebody by their friends, and her friends are so amazing. I know it was not easy at times to see her going through it. but friends visited the hospital, at home, took her out to eat or to a play. her friends still showed up. And that meant the world to me and the world to her and my dad.
 
She always wanted to create moments with the ones she loved. Moments to remember, moments to bond with each other. Hosting parties for family and friends, Birthday parties for me and mike, later for her granddaughters, who meant the world to her. Holidays, we all know how much she liked Christmas. Some might say a little too much. The santa figurines. The singing toys. Dad maybe we can get rid of all the singing toys now? 
 
My mom loved traveling, camping, going to the beach, creating moments.
 
She also loved quiet moments. She taught me the love of a good book and a cat on your lap. She taught me so much. She taught me how to teach, and how to advocate for students.
 
And almost a year ago to this day, she was at my wedding. Thanks for the anniversary gift mom. Gotta make it about her right?!? I know she was so happy the whole year leading up to it, and then she was crying through the whole thing. Tears of joy of course. Because she knew I was in good hands. And our mother son dance...I'm just so happy I got to create that moment for her because she created so many for me.
 
Mom. Mother. Wife. Sister. Daughter. Grandmother. Aunt. Teacher. Friend. Den mother. Leader. Fighter. Horrible singer. Let’s be real here. I can say it because I'm her son. But that didn’t stop her did it? She loved it. She once told me when it comes to singing “whatever you do, sing loud. May not be good. But they’ll hear you. And you'll know you gave it your best.” It took me a while to understand that, and to appreciate it. I couldn't help but to eventually admire it. 

But yeah, as a kid, Mom singing was the worst thing that could happen. But she loved it and wasn’t gonna let anyone stop her. She'd even force you to sing with her. She wanted to tap in to that communal spirit. Christmas carols around the block, songs before Christmas dinner. 

And the cruel irony is, when the Parkinson's got worse, it took her voice, it took her singing away. And as much as I hated her singing for so long, especially when she did it to wake me up for school, these last few years I wanted nothing more than to hear her sing again. So it goes.

 
And so to honor her legacy, I wanted to give her one last sing along. One last moment with my mom that can live on within all of us. This is one of her favorite songs and she wanted it sung at her funeral so, here you go mom. Will the Circle Be Unbroken.
 
I'm gonna do my best, so bear with me, but thankfully I have my rock, my strength. Another thing mom taught me was to choose your friends and your partner well. I think I did. Just so happens she's a teacher, and her birthday is two days apart from my mom's.
 
So we're gonna start it off and try to set the melody and pace, and I'd love it if you could all join in. Nice and loud so Mom can hear you.

Will the Circle Be Unbroken
 
I was standing by my window
On one cold and cloudy day
When I saw that hearse come rolling
For to carry my mother away

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

I said to that undertaker
Undertaker please drive slow
For this lady you are carrying
Lord, I hate to see her go

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

Oh, I followed close behind her
Tried to hold up and be brave
But I could not hide my sorrow
When they laid her in the grave

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by
There's a better home a-waiting
In the sky, Lord, in the sky

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. Bye, Mom.