Why March/Protest/Do Anything at All

I've always been a realist more than an optimist. I like to call myself a cynical optimist. However, since February 14th, students around the country have been chipping away at the cynic in me.

The March for Our Lives took place on Saturday, March 24th. There were over 700 planned rallies across the country, including in Hartford, CT. Several thousand people gathered near the Capitol building to protest for sensible gun reform.

The rallies were inspired by the students from Parkland High School who survived a mass shooting. It was supported by numerous organizations, including Moms Demand Action and Sandy Hook Promise, non-profits started in the wake of the tragedy in Newtown. The event was hosted by the nephew of Dawn Hochsprung, the principal of Sandy Hook Elementary who gave her life to protect her students. Her daughter spoke as well, joined by several other people affected by gun violence and politicians in favor of gun reform.

It was a powerful event. But what did it accomplish? That's always the criticism of protesting and marching. What does the act of making a sign or marching down a street directly accomplish?

It's true that the most creative sign in the world is not going to stop a mass shooting from occurring. But the question is based on a false premise. No change occurs overnight, especially political and cultural change, both of which are needed to address the issue of gun violence. Rallies are a means to achieving a goal, not the goal itself.

However, the best rallies do accomplish practical goals. In Hartford alone, there were dozens of volunteers registering people to vote. Just for that reason the rallies were successful.

But practicality isn't the only reason for a rally. One of the purposes of a protest or rally is to spark the conversation and raise awareness. Naysayers will claim everyone is aware of the issue, or that we've already had the conversation. However, not everyone believes in the urgency of the movement, and seeing millions of people across the country marching might inspire them. Also, we've never really had this conversation, except in our Facebook feeds. As a country, we've managed to avoid this conversation almost entirely, that's why it's gotten to this point. That's why Black Lives Matter became so big and important, because we ignored the issue of race and police brutality for so long. We keep ignoring the gun debate. After every tragedy involving guns, we're told it's not the right time to discuss politics (when it's an act of violence by a Muslim on the other hand, certain people are ready to ban all Muslims from the country before the bodies are cold). Now, the students of Parkland, and the countless other students and parents and regular people across the country, are saying we are sick of the violence and we are going to have this conversation until real reforms are made.

These rallies inspire people to act, but they also serve as a warning to legislators. One of the themes of the day was that legislators will be voted out if they don't listen to the people's demands. That is democracy in action. That's how government should work.

But the greatest, most important purpose of a rally, is to provide a feeling of community, to simply show people that there are like-minded individuals looking to make change. So often, we read the news and we see horrible things happening and as individuals, we feel hopeless. There's simply nothing to be done, the world sucks, let's abandon all hope. It's overwhelming. It feels like maybe you're the only one who really cares about the issue and you don't understand why nothing is being done but then you don't know what you can do and then you feel like part of the problem. It's a cycle of loneliness. It creates despair. It creates numbness. So, horrible things happen, we get upset for a bit, then we shrug our shoulders. It's what happened after Sandy Hook.

A rally can bring back that all important sense of hope. If not hope, at least a sense that people care. It shows you're not alone in your misery. Sometimes that's enough. Maybe we can't change anything, but we don't have to like it dammit! We may lose. We may not get what we want. But we're not simply going to accept it.

Crowds give off energy (like houses!). At a sports arena, you feel it most in tense moments or after winning scores. At a friend's party, the vibe is happy and people are enjoying themselves. At a funeral, the opposite. The setting, the group, the reason for being there all add to the vibe. At a rally like March for Our Lives, everyone is there with a purpose. For some, the purpose is simply to hang out with friends and share pictures of #TheMovement on social media. That happens with any movement, and it's fine! Fun should be had at these events! We need to keep our sense of humor. Yet even the people just there for the fun of it truly want a more peaceful existence. We all want to be safe and to keep children safe. From my experience on Saturday, and at other marches I've attended, most people are there with a clear vision for what they want. For a clear idea of what the Parkland students want, as well as what most people at the March want, click here.

The energy at the March was incredible; it was hopeful for change, it was sad for the loss and the death that has occurred, it was nervous because we all realize the challenges ahead, it was fun because people are showing off their creativity and spreading positivity; it was synergistic because we were all participating in something bigger than ourselves.

It was hilarious at times because some people think they are making deep statements when...yeah. 
But still, I'm with you man.

It's very easy to say protesting or marching or doing anything isn't really going to have an effect. I've heard, and probably said, something close to the following many times: "Nothing's gonna change anyway, what's the point" And things may not change. That's a definite possibility. In fact, looking at the history of the United States, in the best case scenario, it will probably have a small, incremental effect that lasts for a few years. If that's the best we can get, why even bother?

Because it can always get worse. Because incremental change can and does save lives. Because fuck them, that's why.

Fuck the NRA for steadily attacking the Parkland survivors and for opposing any change whatsoever that might save lives. Oh, and for taking money from foreign countries to influence US elections. I guess it's "International" Rifle Association now?

Fuck the mainstream (not fringe--mainstream) Republican politicians and media sites that have been spreading lies about the teens because they know they are losing the argument and can not win an honest debate.

These kids have lived their whole lives with mass shootings as a reality. The Parkland kids specifically are actual survivors of a mass shooting. The same survivors who politicians and gun rights groups are quick to send thoughts and prayers to after the shooting. I guess they don't want survivors talking, just shutting up and taking the prayers. Unless those survivors agree with their politics, of course. They found the one Conservative student at Parkland who opposes gun reform and he's a conservative hero. And he has every right to voice his opinion! Just like the kids who want gun reform. It's simply a double standard: if you agree with us, we'll give you a key to the empire! If you disagree, we will try to ruin your life. That is not an exaggeration.

They do it with athletes, too. Lebron wants gun reform or less police brutality? "Shut up and dribble!" Shaq wants more cops in schools instead of gun reform? "We love you Shaq!"

Teens have every right to speak up and speak out, and people have every right to disagree with them. I don't agree with everything the Parkland students have said. At the Hartford rally, a young woman praised Nancy Pelosi and my eyes rolled so far back in my head I saw my own ass crack. But what we are seeing now is beyond disagreements. There are literal attacks. Before, the attacks and the conspiracies came from fringe groups like InfoWars, who started the Sandy Hook lies. Parents of murdered Sandy Hook children were called actors and are still getting harassed today. Now, InfoWars' biggest fan is the President of the United States. The fringe has become mainstream and are now in power. If you're conservative and you think these people don't speak for you, then speak up, because I hate to tell you, but this is your party now.

John McCain's daughter, Meghan McCain, a "sensible conservative" criticized the students' tough language. Are you fucking serious, Meg? Gun rights activists have been calling for literal war for decades. Charlton Heston said you can take his guns from his cold dead hands. Now you're mad at the rhetoric? The hypocrisy has summited Mt. Everest.

I hope the marches and rallies continue. I hope teens and children keep making their voices heard. I hope adults listen and act.

I also hope that people start applying a similar energy to other worthwhile causes, especially causes that are closely interconnected with gun reform. The strongest criticism about the Parkland students is not about the students themselves but of the media coverage. There is a noticeable difference in the media coverage of protestors after Parkland compared to protestors in Baton Rouge after police killed Alton Sterling (and yes, of course the cops avoided all charges).

People have to understand that these issues are part of the same problem. We have to address the way racism plays a part in our discussion of gun laws. The 2nd Amendment was literally created to protect white people from "scary" black hordes. So were police, as a matter of fact.

Gun reform and police demilitarization must go hand in hand. To their credit, the most visible Parkland kids have acknowledged their privilege and shed light on other students and movements around the country. Recently, black Parkland students held a rally to discuss their views on proposed solutions to school shootings, such as more cops in schools (SPOILER ALERT: They will not feel safer with more cops in schools). Hopefully, the masses who came out to march will support these students as well.

Let the kids lead.

But also remember these are just kids, and that we, as adults, also need to step up.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed. 

The Overwhelming Influence of Home

My creative writing teacher at UConn wrote a story (and screenplay) called The Secret Life of Houses. I don't remember much of it, except that Jackie from Roseanne starred in the movie, and a main concept of the story is that houses have unique spirits. Not floating, drinking spirits like in the classic 80s Gutenberg comedy High Spirits, or conniving, womanizing, trickster spirits like Beetlejuice. Just a certain energy and vibe that is imprinted on the house by its tenants, its pets, its visitors, its neighbors, and anything else that made contact with it.

 

The energy of each individual home has an impact on the people living there as much as they have on it. Some of the influence boils down to nostalgia. Houses are a living memory. Looking at a picture can bring back specific memories, but being inside a house you grew up in, whether it's a friend's childhood home or your own, is like floating inside a cloud made of memories. The memories can be so overwhelming that it's hard to focus on just one. When I go to my parent's beach house, memories flood back from great vacations as a kid with friends and family and birthday gifts and dogs and beaches. Entire days and years come rushing back as familiar scents and sounds and sights fill my senses. Sometimes specific memories pop up, but mostly it's just an overall sense of peace and happiness.

Every place I have lived had a different energy and made an important impact on me. I still have dreams that take place in the first house I grew up in Hartford. I see the layout clearly. It is literally providing the framework for some dreams. It has subconsciously become part of my identity.

That phenomena occurs not only with our childhood homes, but with the state, town, and neighborhood we grow up in. Americans like to think that we, as individuals, are completely in control of who we are and how we perceive the world. The reality is that where we grew up and where we live has an immense effect on who we are and our perceptions of reality itself.

In addition to providing a literal and figurative structure for our lives and memories, our homes are extensions of who we are. The pictures we put up, the color we use to paint the walls, the choice between hard wood floors and shag carpeting. They all reflect something about us (especially the shag carpeting) and our homes retain that reflection long after we leave.

Growing up, my mom had a small pillow with a phrase stitched on it: A house is not a home without a cat. I always thought this was propaganda from the Cat lobby, but as I got older I recognized the truth in the statement, and it applies to more than just cats. A house is just a building. A home is a safe place full of love. Pets help give a house its character, its spirit. Pets need love and attention, so when there is a pet in a house, that means there is love and affection in that house, which creates a home.

Pets help create that "lived-in" feeling, a term that has a positive connotation even though it literally means there are signs of wear in a house. Beyond the literal meaning, the term refers to a place that feels like people have made into a home. It feels comfortable because there's a familiar energy to it. People even want that lived-in feeling in a new home, which, logically, doesn't even make sense.

A major part of the impact a place has on us is the people we interact with there. My parents still live in West Hartford, the second house I lived in, so it still feels like home when I go there, even though they completely renovated my bedroom. When I moved out of my parents house, I lived in a condo in Newington for 7 years, with 3 of my best friends (at separate times). It was small, but it was comfortable, and it ended up being the foundation of countless incredible memories. My friends and roommates are largely responsible for those memories, and those memories and those relationships will stay with me forever. When you occupy the same space with someone for an extended period of time, an unspoken bond forms. Movies portray that connection with the military and sports, where soldiers and teammates start to respect and trust each other after being in close quarters. But sports and war aren't necessary to create that bond. Simply living together, enjoying each other's company, learning each other's routines, creates a connection that lasts well beyond the time spent living together.

The same applies to the living space itself. The memories I have from the time I lived in that condo are intricately linked to the building and the location. I can't imagine them occurring anywhere else,  because quite literally, they would have not occurred or they would have been drastically different. Think of your favorite vacations. We go to certain destinations because we want to experience certain things. The people you meet, the food you eat, the activities you experience all contribute to your memories, of course. But the foundation of all of that is the location. The same is true of your home.

We talk about "home field advantage" in sports; players usually do better at their own field, and there are many reasons for that, but a main reason is "environmental familiarity." We are more comfortable at home. When we played tag as a kid, "homebase" was the safe space. You could always go back there to avoid danger. That's true of home as well. Kids often rush home from school to avoid bullies or to simply get comfortable. When the bullies are at home--parents, siblings, or spouse--home becomes a place of dread, which reflects the immeasurable impact "home" has on our psyche, whether positive or negative. That's why children who move around a lot often have difficulties with relationships and an overall poorer quality of life as adults.

I only moved once as a kid and that was incredibly difficult. Thankfully I wasn't too far from where I grew up, so I could see friends and hang out in familiar places, but it took me a while to adapt. I liked my original home and everything that came with it. I only truly considered the house in West Hartford "home" when I went away to college. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. I absolutely loved college, and each place I lived at UConn has incredible importance to me (my memories of college are organized in sections according to where I lived) but sometimes, we simply yearn for the familiar. And home cooked meals.

Most recently, I lived in a house in New Britain affectionately referred to as Corbin Frat. There was no fraternity (I paid rent, not dues) but the house itself became a meeting place for and symbol of friendship. If you lived there or spent a significant amount of time there, you were initiated into the Corbin Frat for eternity. The President of Corbin Frat always steered the energy of the house. He set the tone. But the pets (RIP Bay and Deucey) the roommates, and the visitors all contributed to the spirit of Corbin Frat. The music we listened to, the food we ate...those scents and sounds are embedded into the fabric of the house. The living room floor isn't just a floor, it's the place where Bay would purposefully spill people's beer so he could lick it up. It's a place that birthed FRIENDSHIP, the greatest kickball team known to man. There is a sentimental value to everything within the house because our energy is infused into the building.

The energy of the previous tenants was there as well, making its presence most obviously felt through the stark patterns of the wallpaper. That wallpaper told a story. There was time and effort put into deciding the pattern and then sweat and hard work to put it all up. That energy remains.

One day when I was living there, a former owner knocked on the door. It was just like in the movies; he was nervous and embarrassed to just show up at a stranger's home, but once we started talking I could almost see the memories washing over him. He was happy just to be there, to feel the energy of the house. And I think he was satisfied with the energy we brought to it. I know that I will be forever influenced by my time there, and I'm truly grateful.

Now I'm living in a refurbished zipper factory in Berlin. If you listen close, you can hear whispers of "YKK" coming from the vents. It's actually a really cool building. Brick outer walls give an old-fashioned, sturdy feel to it. The ultra high, wood ceilings inside make it feel extra spacious.

Plus, I live with my best friend, the love of my life. It was her home first, so she chose the interior; it smells pretty, everything is soft, clean, and organized. It's like being on a white sand beach with no flies or annoying tourists or sunburn. It's pristine, but lived-in, and I feel right at home.

I Love You All...Class Dismissed.